Trust Me, It's Broken

An epiphany is an interesting thing. It strikes you when you least expect it. For instance, my family and I had decided that we would go to a local eating establishment one day, and we were waiting to order when a thought suddenly struck me. It was very much like in the first Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy book where someone has an idea to fix all the problems in the world. It would work. Everyone would get behind it, and then the world blew up. I had a very similar idea on a smaller scale. It wouldn't fix all of the problems in the world. Just one of the more disputed issues in the world of sports. Maybe that's why the world didn't blow up after I came up with the idea. At least, as far as I know the world didn't explode. I have an idea that would fix college football.

One of the biggest discussions every year is about the Bowl Championship Series in college football. Everyone except for the NCAA and the people directly involved in the bowl games hate the BCS. I've written about it being one of the biggest problems I have with college football. We end the year in a major sport where the champion may or may not be the best team in the nation. We're not sure because the teams that are out on the field for the championship are there because a computer decided that they're the best two teams in the nation, not necessarily because they've proven it on the field. Some have proposed that there be a four or eight game playoff at the end of the season. That doesn't appease the good old boy network that claims this would cause the regular season to be meaningless. I would say that the the BCS has caused the regular season to be virtually meaningless already considering that at the outset of the season, only ten teams have a legitimate shot at going to the national championship game. Why not make most of the season a tournament?

I started thinking down those lines after we had gotten our food, but I needed to flesh out the details a little bit. For one thing, I didn't know how many teams there are in division one football. When I don't know the answer to a question like that, I know what I need to do: Call Gudy. One of the benefits of being friends with a guy like Gudy is the fact that if I don't know the answer to a sports questions, most likely he does. I quickly called him from the cell phone. Here's a transcript of our conversation.

Gudy: "Hello?"

Me: "Hey. How many teams are there in division 1A college football?"

Gudy (without hesitation): "119."

Me: "How many games are in the average team's season?"

Gudy: "11 or 12."

Me: "Thanks. I'll talk to you later." Click.

So now I had all the information I needed. Just the numbers. Here's the details.

• The season would start with each team playing five games. They can schedule these games however they'd like. The could play against conference teams. They could play traditional rivals. This would allow us to still see the match-ups we care about every year: USC v. Notre Dame, Florida State v. Clemson, University of Minnesota v. North Dakota State University, Michigan v. Appalachians State. You know, all the traditional, bad-blood rivalries.
• At the end of those five games, we make use of the BCS computers to rank the teams. Not just the top 25, however. We go from one to 119 with the top nine teams having a first week bye.
• For the remaining seven weeks, the teams play out the bracket.
• If a team loses, they drop down into the consolation round. That's essentially what happens today anyway when you consider that it only takes one loss to drop you out of contention.
• For the consolation group, the top 30 teams participate in the bowls. That'll keep the good old boys happy.
• The two left standing at the end play for the national championship. Last one standing gets the crown.

So, there you go. The one downside of this plan is that the conferences become, for all intents and purposes, irrelevant. Unless you do something where, based on the final standings, the conferences get some sort of bonus for how their teams finished. The large advantages are nearly self-evident. Everyone, top to bottom, has a chance to win the championship and not just the teams that are fortunate enough to be in the top 15 at the beginning of the season. The bowl games are all still in play. In fact, you can preserve the rotating national championship locations that we have today between the Rose Bowl, the Orange Bowl, the Fiesta Bowl, and the Sugar Bowl. The biggest thing for me is the fact that the champion is decided on the field and not by a computer. It's also all done without adding any games to the schedule, which is another thing people have against a playoff system. To me, this fixes things, whether or not you wish to believe that it's currently broken.

P.S. It is currently broken.

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Yet Another Patriots Article

I am an avid reader of ESPN's Sports Guy, Bill Simmons. Anything that he puts up, I try to read. He's interesting; sometimes insightful; an unabashed fan of the Patriots, Red Sox, and Celtics; and more often than not, right on with his opinions. However, sometimes that fan-dom can cloud his judgment. Such is the case with his latest article about the Patriots filming scandal. I think we can all agree that there's been a lot to talk about in the world of professional football lately besides what happened in week one of the NFL season with the cameraman from the Patriots being caught filming the Jets coaching staff. I think we can also agree that much has been said and written about the penalty that Commissioner Goodell handed down to the New England Patriots this past week. The penalty was given after the Patriots had video taped the New York Jets, which was in clear violation of the rule after all teams were warned by the NFL front office against doing exactly that. Everyone has been weighing in with their opinion about the harshness or leniency of those penalties. Here's what I think should have been done immediately by the office of the commissioner: absolutely nothing.

I'll explain that in a moment. First, though, I'd like to point out some things that I agree with Bill's (do you mind if I call you Bill?) article and point out some issues that I have with it.

...NBC was too determined to blow out CameraGate. Before the game, Andrea Kramer reported [Charger's Coach Norv] Turner was taking precautions from a secrecy standpoint, refusing to allow any Patriots personnel into his locker room and even handing his players the first 15 plays Sunday morning instead of Saturday night...Kramer was treating the topic so seriously and breathlessly, you would have thought she was standing in Iraq with missiles going off behind her.

Completely agree. This has been a problem with how network TV handles sports for quite some time. They decide on one or two "story-lines" to follow throughout the game and they just...can't...let...go. This is one of the reasons why John Madden and every other announcer doing a Packers' game spend so much time gushing over Brett Favre. Even if he's having a horrible game, all we can hear about is how he's "having fun out there" and is "a gunslinger." There doesn't seem to be the talent or the producers willing to let the game dictate the line of conversation in the booth. It almost seems like they have a script to read before going on the air. But that couldn't happen, could it?

Look, I know everyone now assumes the Patriots have been cheating for the past six years, even though they hadn't been penalized even once before last weekend; even though no coach or player has left New England since 2002 and blown the whistle on them; and even though the New England players were fired up Sunday night, partly because everyone has been so eager to stick an asterisk next to everything that's happened from 2001-2007.

I agree that there's a bit of a gleam in the eyes of the media and some of the sports-loving public because of the "how the mighty have fallen" syndrome. It's much the same reason why many people enjoy to watch the Yankees, Lakers, and Cowboys struggle. We enjoy success stories in America. We just don't like to see one person/team/group dominate for too long. Success is all well and good, but we like to see fresh faces at the top of the mountain, too. It's just human nature.

Our "evidence" that there may have been a prolonged pattern of cheating last week came from "unnamed sources" and players who had already lost big games to the Patriots and seemed excited to have an excuse after all these years...If this pattern of inappropriate behavior had been happening for six years, wouldn't they have been caught before Sept. 9, 2007?

Um...Bill? They were. In fact, I direct you to your employer's website to read an article almost completely contradicting your statements.

"It's not their first time," a member of the [NFL's competition] committee, who did not wish to be identified, said.

Granted, it's an "unnamed" source, but it's an unnamed source that has to be a team executive or coach, since that is who is on the committee. From the same article (emphasis mine):

Green Bay Packers president Bob Harlan confirmed a similar incident that occurred when the Patriots played at Lambeau Field last Nov. 19. The same cameraman who was questioned by NFL security on Sunday was also the one whom the Packers removed from the sideline and escorted from the field during their 2006 game, according to Packers security official Doug Collins. "From what I can remember, he had quite a fit when we took him out," Harlan said. "We had gotten word before the game that they [the Patriots] did this sort of thing, so we were looking for it."

Hardly an unnamed source with this incident. None of this matters, though. They were caught after the entire league had been specifically warned against employing any sort of recording device in the stadium.

Simmons again:

They got caught, they paid the price. Like every other Pats fan, I hate what happened and continue to be disappointed that our coach pulled a Nixon on us. I don't know how many times I can write this. They are the villains of the NFL. The Belichick era has been tainted.

On to the punishment. Why do I think that Goodell should not have given out any public punishment when so many have been screaming that the punishment should have been more harsh, including adding a suspension of Belichick? Simple: because it's Belichick. The problem with the punishment as it currently stands - $500,000 fine for Belichick, $250,000 fine for the Patriots, loss of a first round pick if they make the playoffs, a second and a third if they don't - is that there is no immediate impact on the season in which the problem occurred. In fact, I find it interesting that all of this happened in a season that some had regarded as Belichick's swan song in New England. I wonder if the extension that he just signed was, to a certain extent, the owner of the Patriots saying, "Clean up your own mess" since the loss of draft picks is normally so crippling for a franchise. See also: The Minnesota Timberwolves and Smith, Joe. However, look deeper. If they lose the first-round draft pick, which most people expect since they should be in the playoffs, they have another one due to a trade with the San Francisco 49ers, which is likely to be higher in the round than their own pick anyway. Is it a loss? Sure, but not one from which the team can't recover. In fact, what all this melodrama surrounding the Patriots has effectively done is provide the team with the dreaded "us against them" motivator. Do you think Belichick isn't going to take advantage of that? Look at the way they effectively dismantled a very talented (but poorly-led) Chargers team. Don't you suppose that Belichick went into the locker room before the game and talked about how the world wanted to see them crumble and fall under the weight of the current scrutiny? He's a master of the us against them mentality. Of course he used it.

Here's how I think it should have been handled. Goodell should not have announced any draft pick removal, fines, suspensions or anything until after the season was over. During the season, he would bring up how fantastic an organization the Patriots are. They've won three Super Bowls this decade. They're the modern dynasty. They're never strapped for salary cap, talent, or intelligence. In fact, he should bring up positive notes about the Patriots even when they're not involved in the line of questioning. "Yes, what Terrell Owens said was a bit over the top. There may be some fines coming for him in the near future. I wish he could be more like Randy Moss has been since he's gone to the Patriots. Moss has been the perfect citizen in New England. I suppose it's being under the influence of such a classy organization from top to bottom. I wish all of our teams could be coached and run more like New England."

Would these sort of talking points hurt the commissioner's hard-line image? Of course. At least, until he handed out the penalties at the end of the year. But it would eat Belichick that he has such a prominent and vocal proponent in Goodell. It would make it that much harder to pull the world is against us bit. Might it cause them some wins? Maybe, maybe not, but it'd be fun to watch if you were in on the "punishment."

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2007 NFL Draft Recap

Gudy - Brad Childress has been to me a lesson in patience. As one who follows sports rather obsessively, I tend to be on the uber-hyper-critical side of things when it comes to a team's front office and coaching. On the wings of a rebuke from a few of my more tame friends, I adopted a three year grace period for new head coaches. Brad Childress has made me question that more than a few times. But I'm willing to bite the bullet. He's still got two years to prove himself, and riding on the eternal optimism of the draft, I'm willing to enter the middling year of said grace period. With that said, let's look at the initial impression that Pluckytown had of the 2007 draft.

Pick 1 (#7 overall) - Adrian Peterson, RB, Oklahoma

Gudy - Yesssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't believe we landed Peterson with the #7 overall pick. He was second on my overall draft board, right behind Calvin Johnson, and just a tick in front of LaRon Landry. This is absolutely exciting to me. We needed to have a more dynamic offense. Well, if we draft a QB, he's got a learning curve, and who's he going to throw to? If we draft a WR, he's going to have a learning curve, and who's going to throw to him? Running back is the most natural position in the NFL. There is far less thinking to do as a RB, because you just grab the ball and run. Peterson can do that. I'm frankly not concerned about his injury history, and from what it looks like, he's also stellar at catching passes out of the backfield, which, if it's true, is perfect for Childress's dink-and-dunk offense that we saw last season.

Kamp - I agree...to a point. I'm happy to have Adrian be the new AP in town (following in the illustrious footsteps of Anthony Peeler...OK, he needs a new nickname). However (you knew there was a however), my enthusiasm is tempered until I see that he can stay healthy. Most of his injuries seem to be just freak things that shouldn't affect his long-term career, but at the same time, there seem to be some people that just attract injuries. For instance, the other guy writing on this article.

Gudy - Collarbones heal. Plus, we have the advantage of having Cedric Taylor in the backfield, so that Peterson won't have to carry a full load during his first year. I imagine that they'll alternate series, or something like that. Either way, he's much better than any alternative we would've had at #7.

Pick 2 (#44 overall) - Sidney Rice, WR, South Carolina

Kamp - I hate doing comparisons to existing players because so often that doesn't do justice to the rookie. After all, they're their own player and have to blaze their own path. That being said, I'm going to compare Rice to two existing players. His body is reminiscent of Plaxico Burress: tall and thin. There are concerns about Rice being able to get off the line on a hard jam. If he's able to handle the punishment, the physical tools (speed, height, agility) all seem to be there for him to be a very good player. Being from South Carolina and going to the Vikings, Troy Williamson also springs immediately to mind. However, he played in the run and gun Spurrier offense. I hope he can put it all together and help out the passing offense, because we all know the Vikings need it. I have to admit, though, that I was pulling for them to pick Jarrett at this point.

Gudy - I'm going to disagree with you here and say that I was much happier getting Sidney Rice than Dwayne Jarrett. Rice, even about a month ago, was going in the late first round on some people's draft boards. He's got the physical tools to really succeed, and I would venture that he'll easily be a better WR than Williamson. I'm not about to give up on Williamson either. It's not his fault the Vikings reached for him. I think Rice was the perfect guy to draft to take the focus off of Troy and let him develop at a slower rate. Jarrett is known as a good route runner, but it's also just as easy to see him as a product of the USC system. I think he'll be good, but I don't see Jarrett being a star in this league, where Rice at least has that kind of potential.

Kamp - I would point out that Jarrett also was projected as a late first-round pick in the weeks leading up to the draft, so your point is essentially moot there. I also am not ready to give up on Williamson. The rule of thumb that I've always heard with receivers is that you give them three years to develop. If after their third year they still haven't gotten it, it's time to let them go. Williamson is entering his third year in the league, so he'll be closely watched to find out if he's worth keeping around.

Pick 3 (#72 overall) - Marcus McCauley, CB, Fresno State

Gudy - I didn't know much about McCauley going into this draft at all. I've read that he had first round potential, but that an injury sidelined him last season, and he played tentatively once he came back. That makes me a tad bit nervous. But what I have heard is that McCauley can hold his own in coverage. If that's the case, we can use him in nickel situations, and move Antoine Winfield to the line of scrimmage and blitz him, at which he is TERRIFIC. If McCauley is capable of doing this, it gives our defense an entirely new dimension, and also takes pressure off both the secondary during passing situations and the D-line, because the opposing team will also have to account for Winfield. Maybe it's just wishful thinking, but if that's a possibility, then we'll have a great D again.

Kamp - The gigantic concern is if he can regain his confidence. It really sounds like that's what he's lost after his injury. Corner is one of the positions on the field where you have to be nearly egotistical to truly be successful. If he can regain that confidence, he's a good to great value at this position, especially when you factor in the need for secondary help.

Gudy - For a third round pick with first round talent, I think the confidence issue was an acceptable risk for the Vikings, especially considering the revolving door their CBs were last season (aside from Winfield....Fred Smoot, I'm looking at you).

Pick 4 (#102 overall) - Brian Robison, DE, Texas

Kamp - Robison had a large drop-off in production his last season at Texas. If he can gain some strength without losing any of his quickness, he'll be better against the run and still be effective in pass rush situations. With the exception of the first pick in the draft where the Vikings took the best athlete available to them, the Vikings have been able to fill holes on their team. The lack of a pass rush was a huge problem for a team that allowed opponents to gain large yardage through the air. Hopefully, with Erasmus James coming back from injury (and hopefully avoiding bad penalties), Udeze in a put-up-or-shut-up year, and Robison joining the group, we'll see some improvement.

Gudy - I just read an article on Robison in the Star Tribune. This guy is supposedly uber-competitive, and he's a world class athlete. He's already qualified for the Olympic tryouts in the shot put. I guess, either at the combine or some other time, he's put up identical numbers to Gaines Adams in the 40, bench press, and vertical jump. He's also faster in the 10 yard dash, which is probably more important for a D-Line player, since that's basically all they'll ever have to run. If he can get in a rotation with James and Udeze, and McCauley and Alexander can contribute, we may have actually improved our defense from last year, which would be superb.

Kamp - The competitiveness aspect of things is great news. Hopefully, he'll work hard and be pushing James and Udeze to improve the play of all three. The weakest points of the defense last year was pass rush and secondary. The team is definitely addressing both of those needs.

Pick 5 (#146 overall) - Aundrae Allison , WR, East Carolina

Gudy - I admit...I know nothing about Aundrae Allison. Hold on while I do some quick research. Ok...I'm back. Well, he looks like your classic prima donna burner WR. His top comparable was Santonio Holmes. All his positives were about his great speed and quickness, and his negatives focused on lack of strength, focus, and perceived work ethic. Apparently, in the "Culture of Accountability," the Vikings were not concerned about that last negative. It also looks like it's a case of just get a bunch of WRs in camp, throw them against the wall, and see who sticks. This is the first pick where we'll take a look to see who was available immediately after Allison. The one glaring thing that I see is that Troy Smith was taken at the end of the fifth round. I know we're ready to go to battle with Tarvaris Jackson, but maybe taking a flier on Smith would have at least provided an insurance policy, because Brooks Bollinger is currently our backup, and Drew Henson our #3. Other than that, I don't think I can find fault with this pick.

Kamp - At this point in the draft, I have no problem taking a flier on a guy that could be used as a kick returner. There might be a little bit of "see what sticks" in this pick, but that's OK. It's not like the Vikings used all of their first day picks on WRs. If he contributes on special teams, great. If he is able to successfully contribute on offense, bonus.

Gudy - In essence, I don't disagree with the pick, but the fact that we could've had Troy Smith is starting to bug me. I'll just have to let that pass, and see if Allison can make a contribution to the Purple. I guess my one remaining criticism is that that there are probably plenty of tall, fast guys we could try out as a kick returner. There are only so many big-time QBs who have played in a national championship game, regardless of what scouts think that player will be at the pro level.

Pick 6 (#176 overall) - Rufus Alexander, OLB, Oklahoma

Kamp - When it comes to personnel decisions, there's a place for the "measurables" of height, weight, strength and speed (see also: Sydney Rice), but I give a greater weight to production on the field--especially when that player is coming from a successful program in a large conference. I'm not a fan of the Sooners in the slightest (just the opposite, in fact), but even I have to admit that they're a successful program. Alexander was not only a part of the program, he excelled in it. By any measure, recording over 100 tackles in a college season, which is normally 25% shorter than an NFL season, is an indicator of a very good player. He doesn't have the greatest 40 yard dash time (4.81) or "ideal" height (6'), but he's produced at a high level. Great pick in the 6th round.

Gudy - I agree with you here. Depth is a good thing to be adding in the 6th round, and if they got an athlete who can succeed in a defensive-minded program on a big-time scale, then I'm all for it.

Kamp - It's interesting to me that what once was seen as one of the weakest parts of the defense (linebackers) is now one of the stronger positions with Henderson having a great season last year, the signing of Leber last year, the (hopeful) return of Greenway, and now Alexander. The one other thing I was hoping for on the defensive side of the ball was for an understudy to Pat Williams. I don't know how much longer he's going to be able to play at his recent level and he's a very important part of the defense.

Pick 7 (#217 overall) - Tyler Thigpen, QB, Coastal Carolina

Gudy - Hold on...research. Well, his top comparable is D.J. Shockley, which doesn't exactly inspire awe and wonderment. I will direct you to my comments above about Aundrae Allison. If we needed a QB, even to be a 3rd stringer, wouldn't it have been wiser to get Smith, as opposed to Tyler Thigpen? Unless you have big plans for Allison, I really don't see the point of this pick.

Kamp - I agree that I would rather have had Smith than Thigpen if for nothing else than name recognition. However, at the same time, Smith reminds me of Eric Crouch. Good physical talent. Won the Heisman. Probably won't do much in the pros.

Gudy - If that's the case, Baltimore fans really better hope that the Ravens have a contingency plan. Everything that I've read is pointing to Smith being the QB of the future for Brian Billick and friends.

Pick 8 (#233 overall) - Chandler Williams, WR, Florida International

Kamp - I really only have one thing to say about this guy: When you're trying to rebuild a team that has been mired in scandals and trying to bring in quality, character guys, do you really want to have a player whose claim to fame is being the best receiver in Florida International history, and oh yeah, he dove helmet-first into a Miami player lying on the ground during one of the worst on-field brawls in college football history. At best, he'll probably be a decent kick returner.

Gudy - It's really hard to over-analyze 7th round picks, but again with the Aundrae Allison argument. I'm really starting to be unhappy on losing out on Troy Smith, since he apparently is the QB of the future in Baltimore already. Arghh...it still was a good draft, but this is a tad bit frustrating.

Kamp - Again, I point out that Smith probably won't do much in the pros. We have a QB of the future (in theory) in TJ. I'm fine with him for now.

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Mockery of a Mock Draft 2007

By Gudy and Jeff Kamp

Last year, we started on this site by unveiling what is still one of our favorite pieces that we did, the Mockery of a Mock Draft. As you can see, we had a perfect record of selections. Since we enjoyed working on it so much, we decided to do another one this year. As such, we present to you our mock draft for 2007.

1. Oakland - Capt. Jack Sparrow - Pirate - Used to managing a group of misfits and ne'er-do-wells, Sparrow is the perfect candidate to help "right the Raiders' ship." He also feeds Al Davis's ego by making him think that all of his moves are "savvy."
2. Detroit - Gudy - Part-Time Blogger - The Lions wisely snatch up the only person in the country who has picked them to win the division two years in a row, and immediately appoint him director of public relations.
3. Cleveland - Osama bin Laden - World's Most Wanted - Tired of the Bengals grabbing all of the headlines, the "other" Ohio team trumps all of the news stories coming out of Cincinnati.
4. Tampa Bay - Todd Marinovich - QB, Historic Draft Bust - Tampa coach John Gruden was quoted as saying, "You can't have too many options at quarterback. Nope, nope!" with a slightly crazy look in his eye.
5. Arizona - Onterrio Smith - RB - First year head coach Ken Whisenhunt selects Smith simply to avoid having the players refer to him as the "Whisenator."
6. Washington - Tony Stewart - NASCAR driver - Gibbs needed someone to compliment Santana Moss who wouldn't get jammed at wide receiver, and he didn't think that anyone would dare get in Stewart's way. Then he was informed that Stewart would have to leave the car outside of the stadium.
7. Minnesota - Dick Clark - Eternal Teenager - Not wanting Troy Williamson to feel lonely, they draft someone else who is adept at watching the ball drop.
8. Houston - Pandemonium breaks out during the Texans pick as quarterback Matt Schaub bursts into the Houston "war room" while screaming at the top of his lungs, "For the love of all that is holy! Draft offensive line help! I'm begging you!" They select a little-known cornerback from a Division 3 school.
9. Miami - Joe Namath - Pantyhose spokesman - This pick was done on the theory that, while both Namath and Culpepper have rapidly-degrading knees, at least one of them should be healthy at a time.
10. Atlanta - Onterrio Smith - RB - To teach Michael Vick about being discrete at the airport. When they are then informed that Arizona already picked him at 5, Arthur Blank fires Jim Mora, Jr. again.
11. San Francisco - Gaines Adams - DE - This team is on track, and building for the future. Plus...there haven't been any stories that we can make fun of them for.
12. Buffalo - Jim Kelly - Retired QB - Marv Levy has forgotten what century it is.
13. St. Louis - Albert Pujols, 1B - Hey, he brought a championship to the other St. Louis team (the Blues don't count)...It's crazy enough, it just might work!
14. Carolina - Fred Taylor, RB, Jacksonville Jaguars - The worlds most fragile RB corps just got a little more fragile-er.
15. Pittsburgh - a chiropractor - If Tomlin's defense has as much success in Pittsburgh as it had in Minnesota, the Steelers will need a way to recover from their heads snapping around to watch receivers get behind them for a reception.
16. Green Bay - Cher - Music Icon - Wanting to get the glaring media attention off of Brett Favre, the Packers draft the one person who has comeback more times than #4.
17. Jacksonville - A Sigh of Relief - Because Carolina just took Fred Taylor off their hands three picks ago.
18. Cincinnati - Is it too obvious to say that they selected Johnnie Cochran?
19. Tennessee - Tim - Enchanter, Monty Python & the Holy Grail - They are pulling out all of the stops to try to reverse the Madden Cover Curse this year now that Vince is the cover boy.
20. New York Giants - Bryant Gumble - News Commentator and Football Play-by-Play voice (well, kinda) - The Giants are working off the theory that if Tiki can go from playing NFL running back to being on the Today Show, maybe a Today Show alum could play running back in the NFL.
21. Denver - Jared Fogle - Subway Mascot - ...because Mike Shanahan believes that anyone can play RB for the Broncos.
22. Dallas - Jerry Jones - Owner, Dallas Cowboys - He's so in love with himself that he just couldn't resist.
23. Kansas City - Valium - Happy Drug - They're going to need it after the losses to their offensive line the past couple off seasons.
24. New England (from Seattle) - New England loses this pick when they don't get the card turned in for 15 consecutive clock expirations as they try to trade the pick back to Seattle for Deion Branch. While having Belicheck and Brady hold up the "All is forgiven, please come home" signs helps, they finally have to settle for trading for Nate Burleson instead.
25. New York Jets - Gilbert Gottfried - Actor - The Jets believe they've discovered a fool-proof formula for selecting good offensive linemen based on name alone after the success of Nick Mangold and D'Brickashaw Ferguson. "If a Ferguson and a Mangold were that good, think how great a Gottfried will be," said Jets head coach Eric Mangini.
26. Philadelphia - Donovan McNabb's Mom - Campbell's Soup Commercials - From what I've seen, she's been consistently more healthy than her son for the past few seasons.
27. New Orleans - A Dose of Reality - Seemed appropriate after the miracle they pulled off last season.
28. New England - Inanimate Carbon Rod - Simpson's episode - Apparantly, Bill Belichek can make anything work in his system.
29. Baltimore - Mario Manningham - Someone has been channeling their inner Red Auerbach. Bonus points if you get the reference.
30. San Diego - Insert obvious 'roid joke here.
31. Chicago - Stuart Smalley - SNL self-help guru - drafted to help Rex Grossman repeat, "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me!"
32. Indianapolis - Chim Chim - Monkey, Speed Racer Sidekick - Obvious need pick since they lost a monkey during the Super Bowl.

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Game Reset

I've always wondered why those updates in the middle of a sports game were called resets. Basically they're just game summary's that get you up to speed on the current situation. Well, that's a perfect title for this article. There's been several things happening in Minnesota sports that I haven't blogged about yet, and it's time that I made my voice heard (if only by our audience of three).

Gophers

• Joel Maturi might get my vote for Man of the Year right now. He's had an astounding start to 2007. He had the intestinal fortitude to can Glen Mason after the Texas Tech embarrassment. Then he had the wherewithal to bide his time, and hire replacement coaches for each of the two vacancies in basketball and football. Everything was done on his terms. And I'm very happy with the results. Kudos, Mr. Maturi.

• Starting with the football team, I can hardly contain my enthusiasm about the hiring of Tim Brewster. Right guy, right time for this team. The questions about whether a TE coach can handle head coaching duties still need to be answered, but Brewster was smart and got a good OC and a good DC to help lift the burden off of his shoulders in those areas. He's also smart enough to delegate those duties to the new hires. His job will be organization, promotion of the program, and - most importantly - recruiting. In his short time as head coach, he's already lured his son, Clint, a legitimate blue chip QB prospect, to the program. My only plea right now is this: Coach Brewster, by all means, red-shirt the boy, and recruit some talent next year to support him.

• Tubby Smith was absolutely the perfect hire for the Men's B-Ball program. Dan Monson failed as an up-and-comer, which was not entirely his own fault. What the U needed now, though, was something to legitimize the program, and Tubby gives it instant credibility (I really never thought I would be typing that phrase...can somebody named Tubby give anything credibility? Well, maybe a children's show). He's on the back end of his career, so we know that he won't be using this job as a stepping stone for bigger and better things. I've already blogged about my concerns with his on-the-court coaching style, but really, the record speaks for itself, and it's hard to finder a bigger program out there than UK. To top it all off, in his one week on the job, he already has a McDonald's All-American, Jai Lucas (John Lucas' son), potentially interested in becoming a rodent. Fantastic!

• I couldn't be happier that the Gophers' hockey team lost before it had a chance to make another run at a national championship. And then the team that beat them was none other than the University of North Dakota Fighting Sioux. As someone who basically grew up across the street from the hockey arena in Grand Forks, here's a big WOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO for the Sioux. P.S. Don't ever change your nickname...but that's another column.
  

Timberwolves

From eternal optimism to eternal pessimism, I bring you the current state of the Minnesota Timberwolves. Yuck. That 25-point shame ridden defeat at the hands of Seattle (who was minus Ray Allen, btw) pretty much sums it all up. I would say that I've never been more confident that we should move Garnett in the off-season and try to build around young talent, but I'm absolutely terrified that McHale would screw it up. This team needs some serious house cleaning, and unless Glen Taylor wakes up and realizes that his franchise has lost all favor in the eyes of its fans, it needs to start with ownership. Truly a depressing blot on the Minnesota sports map.

Wild

I'm actually going to try to write something meaningful about a team I know almost nothing about and a sport that I don't know anything about. The Wild have been putting something together that realistically has a chance at being something special. Marian Gaborik has been nearly unstoppable in the 2nd half, now that he's healthy. Pavel Demitra has been the offensive catalyst that the Wild lacked last season. To top it all off, the team has its choice of three goaltenders to use that have all been solid or better. I expect big things from them come playoff time.

Twins

Once again, Terry Ryan and Ron Gardenhire have decided to start the season off with a degree of difficulty, as Carlos Silva, Ramon Ortiz, and Sidney Ponson will make up 60% of the starting rotation. Last year, the team managed to come back after being offensively sunk by Tony Batista and Juan Castro, so this season the Twins are going to see if they can mess with the pitching staff before they go with the better alternatives in Matt Garza, Glen Perkins, and Kevin Slowey. Also, Chris Heintz unbelievably made the team as a third catcher, displacing two useful players who have hence been claimed by the Arizona Diamondbacks: Alex Romero & J.D. Durbin. I really think that it was worth a shot to let Durbin pitch in low-leverage situations out of the bullpen, as he was out of options and could not be returned to the minors without being exposed to waivers. A few good appearances, and they probably could have traded him for a low-level prospect at least. Instead, Ryan decided to lose something for nothing. If they didn't have such a successful track record, I would be really frustrated about this.

Vikings

For a team that really, REALLY struggled last season, so far we've upgraded by signing Visanthe Shiancoe (pronounced Shank-O), Vinny Ciurciu (pronounce Church-OOO), and Bobby Wade (pronounced Uff Da). Yeah...so, how does this make the Vikes better? It doesn't. The Houston Texans cashed in on the Matt Schaub sweepstakes with a deal that would've been completely reasonable for the Vikings to make. If they believe that Tarvaris Jackson is really their guy, then I'm fine with not making the Schaub deal. But he's not ready, and it's foolish to think that either he or Brooks Bollinger will do anything but lose as the starter for this team. I'm now in favor of at least giving David Carr a look too see if he can be a stop-gap until the kid is ready. Remember, Carr at one point in time had enough talent to be selected as the #1 player in the draft (please don't bother with the Ryan Leaf comments, I'm well aware of this). Carr has had some mildly successful seasons as a starting QB, and might be able to improve considering that the one strength this team does have is offensive line. With that said, who's he going to throw to, if he does sign?

Well, that pretty much covers it. Thanks for stopping by.

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I'm Sorry, I was Terribly Wrong - Playoffs & Postseason Awards Predictions Review

After boring you terribly with a successful AFC predictions campaign, and then again with a not-so successful NFC campaign, I'm back with the final installment. I think I write these articles for my own sake, just to keep me humble and remind myself that I don't know as much about sports as I'd like to believe.

Anyway...

AFC

Predicted order for playoff seeding: Indianapolis, Miami, Baltimore, San Diego, Jacksonville, Pittsburgh

Actual order of playoff seeding: San Diego, Baltimore, Indianapolis, New England, Jets, Kansas City

Predicted AFC Champion: Indianapolis

Actual AFC Champion: Indianapolis

Comments:

I should probably be less happy about getting only three of the playoff teams correct, but that miss is once again tempered by me nailing San Diego and Indianapolis. Any time you can predict the winner of a conference, I think you have to dub it a success. I was close at least on two of the three misses, and completely whiffed on Miami.

Grade: A

NFC

Predicted order for playoff seeding: Seattle, Tampa Bay, Giants, Detroit, Carolina, Dallas

Actual order of playoff seeding: Chicago, New Orleans, Philadelphia, Seattle, Dallas, Giants

Predicted NFC Champion: Giants

Actual NFC Champion: Chicago

Comments:

I'm much less enthused about getting three of the six playoff teams correct, as my other misses were COMPLETE misses. The closest I was on any of the three was Philadelphia, and I was very non-committal about them. The NFC for me was a total disaster, and I think to my credit, the NFC actual was a total disaster this year. So at least I'm consistent.

Grade: C (Hey, 3 out of 6 teams is at least average)

Super Bowl

Predicted Outcome: Indianapolis 38, Giants 23

Actual Outcome: Indianapolis 29, Chicago 17

Comments:

Well, this is now my second consecutive year where I have correctly picked the Super Bowl winner in August, having also slated Pittsburgh for this same honor last season. I guess this is as good as it gets. You have slightly better than a one in thirty chance to do this (because some teams don't have a chance), but I have to pat myself on the back...ok, I'm finished. Thankfully, the NFC was really bad for me this year, or I'd be really puffed up. I also give myself a little bit of props in that I was only three points off in the points differential between the two teams, having guessed a 15 point Colts advantage to an actual 12 point advantage. Yea me!

Grade: A+

Postseason Awards

MVP: Predicted - Peyton Manning Actual - LaDanian Tomlinson

Offensive POY: Predicted - Peyton Manning Actual - LT

Defensive POY: Predicted - Troy Polamalu Actual - Jason Taylor

Offensive ROY: Predicted - Laurence Maroney Actual - Vince Young

Defensive ROY: Predicted - Haloti Ngata Actual - DeMeco Ryans

Coach of the Year: Predicted - Tony Dungy Actual - Sean Payton

Comments:

Not one hit hear, but there are even smaller odds of getting anything right here than there are in the standings prediction business. I know...excuses, excuses. Hey, at least I tried.

Grade: F

Well, that was another exercise in me entertaining myself. Thanks for watching. Buh-bye.

Overall Predictions Grade: B+

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Super Bowl Preview/Response

This was originally intended to be a response to Ryan's comments on my earlier post, but I thought it would serve it's purpose better as a Super Bowl preview article.

Many Bears fans are disgruntled right now because of a perceived lack of respect from the prognosticators. Here is what I say to that:

I don't think I'd neccessarily count myself as a Bears hater, but more or less a Bears doubter. They have the record to prove that they're a successful team. I can't deny that...but consider:

Teams the Bears lost to: Miami (6-10), New England (17-13), Green Bay (8-8).

Teams the Bears narrowly deafeated (by less than a TD): Minnesota (6-10) 19-16, Arizona (5-11) 24-23, Tampa Bay (4-12) 34-31 OT, Detroit (3-13) 26-21.

I know that more than just a score tells the story of a game, but I see two bad losses, and four more ugly wins. Couple that with the fact that they needed OT too beat an exceedingly average team (Seattle) in the playoffs, at home, and that they did crush New Orleans, a team from the south who practiced indoors all week, and I feel I have good reason to doubt the Bears in a game against Indy where weather will not be a factor.

Just for reference, the same set of statistics for Indy:

Teams the Colts lost to: Dallas (9-7), Tennessee (8-8), Jacksonville (8-8), Houston (6-10).

Teams the Colts narrowly defeated: Giants (8-8) 26-21, Jets (10-6) 31-28, Tennessee (8-8) 14-13, Denver (9-7) 34-31, Buffalo (7-9) 17-16, Miami (6-10) 27-22.

I count one bad loss and two ugly wins there.

Finally, another way you can compare teams is through common opponets. The Bears and Colts had these opponents in common during the regular season: Giants, Jets, Patriots, Buffalo, and Miami. The Bears went 3-2 against those teams, and scored 114 pts while allowing 75. The Colts went 5-0 against those teams, and scored 128 while allowing 107.

All of this was basically a long way of showing that the Bears are a more volatile team than the Colts. Volatility is not a good thing in the Super Bowl.

Football is also a team sport, but perhaps the one position that can affect games more than any other is QB. The Bears have Rex Grossman, a QB who when he's been up, he's been way up, but when he's been down, he's been way down. The argument can, and has been made that because of his injuries, this is essentially his rookie season. Playing time wise, this may be the case, but Grossman has been involved, to some extent, in an NFL offense for four seasons now. He's had time to get used to the speed the game, and to review defenses.

During Manning's rookie season, he threw 28 interceptions, and has thrown more than 20 only one more time in his career. He was also the first pick in the draft on a TERRIBLE Colts team and thrown into the fire immediately. Grossman was drafted 22nd overall by a Bears team that had one the division the year before, and he's been gradually grafted into the offense due to his injuries. Manning's exploits since have been greatly chronicled throughout the media. The one comparison I have here is that beating the Patriots, in the playoffs was Manning's version of the Red Sox beating the Yankees in the ALCS in 2004. It wasn't the World Series, but it was THEIR World Series. The Sox went on to blow Houston out of the water after that. I see Manning having one of the best games of his career on Sunday, because basically, the monkey is off his back.

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I'm Sorry, I was Terribly Wrong - NFC Predictions Review

After covering a mostly successful AFC predictions campaign, I shudder to think of how the NFC is going to turn out. I'm aware, off the top of my head, that I completely and utterly botched the North. That leaves three other divisions for me to screw up. This is going to be ugly, folks.

NFC East

My predicted order of finish: Giants, Cowboys, Redskins, Eagles

Actual order of finish: Eagles, Cowboys, Giants, Redskins

Comments:
Um, yeah. Didn't see the Eagles coming. Got the Cowboys right. Completely missed on the Giants, who, by the way, were my Super Bowl team from the NFC. I called the East one of the toughest divisions in football, and the Redskins were unexpectedly bad. All in all, this is a miss.

Grade: D+, just because I got the Cowboys right.

NFC North

My predicted order of finish: Lions, Vikings, Bears, Packers

Actual order of finish: Bears, Packers, Vikings, Lions

Comments:

One of these days I'm going to stop believing in the Lions, and I'm not even a fan. What should really be scaring Motor City Kitty fans right now is that the team is all set to take Brady Quinn with the 2nd overall pick, and he's a player I'm almost certain will be a flop in the NFL. Ugh. I hereby solemnly swear to never pick the Lions to finish anywhere but last in the North as long as Matt Millen is running the show in Detroit. The Vikings were unexpectedly good on defense, and horrid on offense. And the Bears...even though the Bears are the Super Bowl team from the NFC, and I completely missed on them, I would like to issue this disclaimer: it is a sad state of affairs when a team as fatally flawed as the Bears can make it to the Super Bowl, without even so much as a challenge. With that said, they'll probably blow the Colts out of the water. But the Bears don't even "feel" like a good team, much less a Super Bowl team. Finally, my hat goes off to the Packers, who were just a second late and a penny short on making the playoffs.

Grade: F

NFC South
My predicted order of finish: Bucs, Panthers, Falcons, Saints

Actual order of finish: Saints, Panthers, Falcons, Bucs

Comments:

On the optimistic side, I got two right, and two wrong. Not bad. On the pessimistic side, I had first place and last place flip-flopped. Yuck. Didn't see the Saints coming; didn't think the Bucs would be that terrible.

Grade: D

Please, oh please, oh please let this next group be at least decent...

NFC West

My predicted order of finish: Seahawks, Rams, Cardinals, 49ers

Actual order of finish: Seahawks, Rams, 49ers, Cardinals

Comments:

Yessssssss!!!!!!!!...it's average, and I'll take it! Seattle wasn't as good as I expected them to be, and they made the division a heated race until the very end, but they pulled it off. The Rams were basically exactly what I said they'd be, with the exception of Stephen Jackson being a lot better, as opposed to a little better. I missed on the order of the 49ers and Cardinals, but I don't think that's really a big deal.

Grade: C+

The NFC was a train wreck for me. I think that's a testament to the overall mediocrity of the conference, as well as me really not doing a good job researching this year.

Overall Grade: D-

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I'm Sorry, I was Terribly Wrong - AFC Predictions Review

We have a week and a half until Super Bowl XLI. That will give this post, and next week to review the results of my NFL regular season predictions, and then the week after the Super Bowl to finish up with a review of my postseason predictions.

I do this mostly because it's a humbling experience, and because I'm annoyed at members in the mainstream media who make outlandish predictions and then don't revisit them to show what big idiots they are. While it's obvious to most what a big idiot I am, I still like to do this, for posterity's sake.

Onward...

AFC East:
My predicted order of finish: Miami, New England, Jets, Buffalo

Actual order of finish: New England, Jets, Buffalo, Miami

Comments:

Yes, I was drinking the Kool-Aid like the majority of football fans, and bought into all the Nick Saban hype. I at least got the order of the other three teams correct, and at least correctly picked that the Jets would push the Patriots.

Grade: C-


AFC North:

My predicted order of finish: Baltimore, Pittsburgh, Cincinnati, Cleveland

Actual order of finish: Baltimore, Cincinnati, Pittsburgh, Cleveland

Comments:

Pittsburgh and Cincy actually tied for 2nd in the division, with a slight edge going to Cincy for points scored. I'll give myself some points for getting this division mostly right. Baltimore turned out to be better than expected, and Cleveland worse than expected, and I totally whiffed on Pittsburgh as a playoff team.

Grade: B


AFC South:

My predicted order of finish: Indy, Jacksonville, Tennessee, Houston

Actual order of finish: Indy, Tennessee, Jacksonville, Houston

Comments:

Tennessee and Jacksonville tied for 2nd, so I will give myself points again, just like in the North. I nailed Tennessee being tough to play during the last portion of the season, although for all the wrong reasons. Indy is still alive as my Super Bowl contender, and if they win it all, I will have correctly predicted the Super Bowl winner two seasons in a row. Stretching, as all that patting myself on the back is making me sore. I pretty much missed on the Jaguars, although I noted that brain farts during the easy games would hurt them.

Grade: B


AFC West:

My predicted order of finish: San Diego, Denver, Kansas City, Oakland

Actual order of finish: San Diego, Kansas City, Denver, Oakland

Comments:

Once again, the middle two teams tied, nullifying their order. I absolutely and unequivocally nailed the San Diego pick, and I am going to give myself mad props for that. I also correctly predicted Jay Cutler taking over at QB for the Broncos before the end of the season. I see no major misses, so I feel happy with this division.
Grade: A


Overall, I'm pleased with the way my predictions went for the AFC. Miami was really my only glaring mistake, aside from the middle picks in each division tying instead of finishing in the actual order that I had them. I consider San Diego the only major success from my picks here, because Indianapolis wasn't that tough to figure out.

Overall Grade: B+ I feel that that the success on San Diego outweighs the loss on Miami, and the overall goodness of the picks add up.

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Championship-Level Post

This weekend provided us with a couple of pretty good games. One looked like it was going to be a blowout, then it looked like it was going to be close and then it morphed back into a blowout and stayed there. The other one looked like it was going to be a blowout and another epic failure in a laundry list of missed opportunites, but it turned into a fantastic game that really had a twist at the end that almost no one saw coming. So, here we go with my thoughts on the two games, taken in chronological order by game.

The New Orleans Saints at the Chicago Bears:

Much has been written about the city of New Orleans and how it's been recovering from Hurricane Katrina. Also, much has been conveyed about the Saints and the struggles that they went through last season to simply be able to practice, let alone try and field a competent team. Through these struggles and a season in which they notched three victories and 13 losses, they emerged victorious thanks to a bit of luck and the stupiditiy of the Houston Texans. In other words, they lucked into Reggie Bush, hired a new coach, got a new QB and suddenly things were better. They went from 3-13 to 10-6 and the #2 seed in the NFC playoffs. The Bears played in a division which essentially spotted them six victories. Most people outside of Illinois were pulling for the Saints. Most of the pundits picked them to win. The Bears were essentially underdogs as the top seed in the NFC in their own building. Naturally, this meant that the Bears were going to win. It seems as though God likes watching people being able to play the "no one believed in us" card, which is turning into my least favorite card in sports. It ranks right up there with the "I just wanted to give 110%" card.

All things considered, it was a pretty good performance by the Bears, while the Saints, except for a 14-point burst, essentially pooped down their legs by turning the ball over four times. However, there was something that bothered me something fierce. No, it wasn't that the Bears won. Well, not just that the Bears won. You see, the Saints had just pulled within two points after the afore-mentioned outburst. They fell back another two on a horrible decision by Brees to get an intentional grounding penalty in his own end zone. Then the Bears scored on an odd touchdown pass from Grossman to Berrian. It was odd because he was falling down when he made the catch and rolled into the end zone since the defender that was covering him on the play completely whiffed on an interception. Did he actually make that catch? Was he touched when he was down at all before he rolled into the end zone? Did one of the Saints players cause him to fall to the ground? Did the ball hit the ground at all? These were things that we couldn't be sure of. Sean Payton wasn't certain either. He had his red flag out to challenge the play, but he was waiting for word from the booth about whether to challenge it or not. The word never came. Why? It seems as though the producers (or whoever makes these calls) decided to have an extended shot of the crowd and the Bears celebrating on the sidelines instead of showing the replay. This is important, believe it or not, because NFL rules state that the coaching staff in the booths cannot have any sort of recording mechanism with them to determine whether to challenge. They have to rely on the network replay. No, that's understating it a bit. They have to rely on the network replay. Essentially, you have the fates of teams in the hands of the network that is broadcasting the game. Was the catch actually made? Yes. Did Berrian get in to the end zone before being touched? I think so. That's not the point. The point is that the Saints weren't given the option of reviewing the play because of the decision made in the network truck or somewhere else. This could very well cost someone a game some day. Deep breath. Ultimately, the Saints did nothing more of note in the game after this and lost 39-14.

So now, we have Rex Grossman as possibly the worst QB to ever "lead" his team to the Super Bowl. Of course, if they win, he'll be "Super Bowl-winning QB Rex Grossman." Yeah, that thought kinda makes me ill too.

The New England Patriots at the Indianapolis Colts:

Some people had wanted this contest from the very beginning of the season. Some people seem to be completely bored with another Colts/Patriots playoff game in which Manning will fail miserably through the fantastic scheme that Bellicheck would devise and Brady will pull it out at the end with the help of his clutch kicker. There were only a few problems with this scenario: the kicker was now sporting a horseshoe, Manning played pretty well, it took place in Indianapolis, and Brady's the one that choked.

It looked like a blowout for a bit. The Patriots surged a head for a 21-3 lead, and all of the columnists were getting their laptops warmed up to write scathing articles about how Manning and Dungy just aren't able to get it done come playoff time. I'm sure one of them would "accidentally" throw in a Peyton Marino for good measure. They quickly had to switch this to fantastic praises of his performance and talk about how he was "finally" able to get it done. In fact, my friend Ike seems to be a Peyton Manning fan, and he wrote me an email today that essentially said that Peyton proved something on Sunday. Yes, he was able to beat the Patriots. However, he still has not one the big one, and the stigma of choking in the big game will remain with him until he wins the Super Bowl. That being said, it's also not fair to him to say that he's a choker until we see his entire career in the review mirror and can definitively say whether or not he was able to win championships. Has he been able to so far? No, but he still has probably three years of a career ahead of him.

I'm happy for Peyton, and I'm happy for Tony Dungy. I still look back and wish that the Vikings would have been able to keep him on the staff, but it's fun to see him succeeding with the Colts.

Looking ahead:

The match-up in the Super Bowl should be interesting. Manning and the offense against Urlacher and the defense. The easily-rattled Grossman against a good pass rush from Dwight Freeney and the Colts. A large portion of the nation is going to be pulling for Manning and the Colts to get the final monkey removed from their backs. In fact, I'll be pulling for the Colts. This is unusual for me since I generally pull for the underdog, and the Colts should be fairly well-favored in this game. Which, of course, means that the Bears are probably going to win.

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A Bad Gumble

I was going to make this article available to less than half of the people, but decided against it.

I was able to watch my first NFL Network game broadcast this week, as I was at the in-laws' and they just got a new LCD TV and digital cable. Anne's worried that I might get TV envy. She doesn't have anything to worry about. At least not until after I get my laptop.

Anyway, there were a couple of things that I really enjoyed about the presentation that NFLN had: Chris Collinsworth is a very good color guy; the graphics that they had were nice and unobtrusive; and the HD looked fantastic. Okay, maybe a bit of TV envy. However, the biggest problem I had with the production is the play-by-play. Bryant Gumble is paid very well for his ability to use the English language in a clear and consise way, but I noticed many times where he was using the wrong words for things. After a failed third down conversion: "...and once again the Vikings will turn the ball over on downs." Actually, they're going to be punting. He also just doesn't have the voice for the gravitas of the NFL, deserved or not (it is just a game, after all). There's too much tenor in his voice for my tastes as a play-by-play man. Contrast that with his own brother, Greg. Granted, Greg has more years of being in the booth under his belt, but his voice is perfect for calling the game. From what I've seen of his games, he's accurate and consise.

Now, on to my biggest problem with the NFL Network: that it even exists. I don't like having a network that is completely owned by a sports league. I'm also not crazy about a team owning a network, but that, to me, is more acceptable than having a network owned by the league. The league is able to mandate that teams give an unprescedented level of access to the network so that they always have the best stories, the biggest stars while completely freezing out any sort of competition. Also, it worries me that this is a pre-cursor to having pay-per-view NFL games. Doing that would have the potential to kill the league. And if it ever came to having pay-per-view games, I hope that it would kill the league. I hope that there would be a revolt against the league. The frightening part is the potential of people to go along with the whole idea like the sheep that we seem to be to the big sports. For instance, where is the outcry that a convicted cheater is going the the Pro Bowl? Did Shawn Merriman have a great season? Absolutely. However, he was suspended four games this year for violating the substance abuse policy of the NFL by using steroids. And no one seems to care.

Here's my question: Will we care if we have to pay $50 to watch each game of our favorite team to a league that is already making money hand-over-fist?

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College Initiation

As has been previously stated, I prefer the professional football game to the one found in college. Also mentioned at the same time is that I have two friends, Meldy and Ike, who are very adamant college football fans. It's pretty much to the point where we agree to disagree even though secretly, everyone agrees that I'm right. It's just that I'm not one to gloat. At any rate, Meldy and Ike decided to take matters into their own hands to convince me that I was wrong. It's happened once before. Hey, I thought betamax was the wave of the future. Anyway, we picked a Saturday in which to make a trek to the local college team's stadium to watch a game. I was looking forward to it. No, honest. I like football. I like time with my friends. For me, it was a no-lose situation. For Ike and Meldy, however, there's a completely different story.

Ike and Meldy are very much into their team. They have numerous articles of clothing with the logos. They watch every game they possibly can on the television. Every year for their anniversary gift to each other, Meldy and his wife purchase season tickets to the football games. Ike feeds his Diet Pepsi addiction accompanied by a frosty logoed glass. I think you get my point. They're really, really into their team. I'm not so much into their team. I'm a transplant here and haven't "caught the fever." Maybe I will one day if my kids go to the local college, but hopefully that's quite a few years off. Ike and Meldy were emotionally invested in the game while I was just there to enjoy the game. Well, that and gorge myself on the food prior to the game. One of the aspects of the college game that I really do appreciate is tailgating. Ah, tailgating. Never before have I seen such a large group of people socializing while all dressed mostly the same. It's like going to a party and seeing every other woman there wearing the exact same dress that you are, but for some reason it only makes you more excited to be there. Seeing as how the majority of our readership is male, I'm sure all of you can relate.

Tailgating provided me with way too much food, quite a bit of caffeine, and the opportunity to witness (let me reiterate: witness) my first keg stand. And my second keg stand. And my third keg stand. And my forth keg stand. Then they started over again. I found it interesting that the girls participating in the keg stand rounds were, for one thing, able to continue standing (they might have crossed triple digits in weight and had consumed mass quantities) and, for another, not carded. If they were of legal drinking age, it was just barely. I have some pairs of pants that looked older than these girls. But I digress.

After a couple of hours of tailgating, it was time to head in to the game. We didn't actually sit in our seats the entire game. Instead, we stood up along the wall at the top of the stadium. The view was great. The wind was cutting. The nuts were hot and salty. Don't take my word for it, just ask the vendor. When a lady selling pop came by, my friends told me that for a dollar, the vendor would kiss you. The next time a vendor came by, I decided not to try it. I don't think I would have appreciated his stubble. Though it's made me realize that, for my wife's sake, I need to shave more often. The wind was blowing so hard that at one point one of the other spectators standing up against the wall had his hat fly off his head and over the afore-mentioned wall. He propped himself up a bit on the top of the seven-foot (or so) wall to look and see where it had landed. I couldn't resist. I walked over to him and said, "Dude, I'll hold your feet. You reach down and grab it." That earned me a high-five from his wife. At least, I think it was his wife.

The game was a lot of fun. It had been quite a while since I was able to go to a sporting event. The game would have been even more fun if not for Drunk Beligerant Guy. You know the type: spent way too much time with the girls who I'm sure were of drinking age (eye roll) doing keg stands before the game and somehow was able to stumble to his seat just in time to see his team do a dreaded "three and out" on their first offensive series. He then immediately starts to boo the team he came to watch and yells that they should put the backup quarterback in to play. Let me reiterate that it was after the first offensive series. You'd think he was a Vikings fan. Throughout the game, he made gestures at the refs and at the coaching staff of the team. Because from the field they can see DBG 50-some rows up. That's why they're paid the big bucks. As the game progressed (poorly for the home team, as it would turn out), DBG seemed to get more, well, B. The curse words became more common. At one point, a fifty-something lady turned around and asked him to be quiet. You can pretty much guess how that turned out.

After the game, it was essentially more of the same: food and fellowship. Something struck me as rather odd, though. It seemed to me that if the team would have won the game, a large portion of the attenders would have celebrated by cracking open a beer. As it was, people were drowning their sorrows and lamenting...with a beer. So the only real difference is the mood, not the actions. Just one of those things that I noticed.

So, besides Drunk Beligerant Guy, the game was a lot of fun. I wouldn't mind going to another one at some point. However, much to Ike's chagrin, it wasn't a transcendent experience for me. I still prefer the pro game while being able to appreciate and enjoy the college game and respect the fans. Especially those who must be a lot older than they look. They can hold their liquor. At least for the ten minutes I saw them.

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Where I Stand: NFL vs College Football, Pt. 2

Allow me to re-cap for you what has gone on before: My friends, Meldy and Ike have an on-going discussion with me about my preference for the professional football game versus the college game. In the previous part, I covered my first two problems with the college game and in this part, I shall cover the other two. All caught up? Great. Here we go.

Bowl Games. First of all, there's way too many of them (31). This means that there are 62 teams involved in some form of bowl game and it was just a few years ago where there was almost a crisis of one team declaring itself ineligible after being assigned to a bowl game so that there would not have been enough bowl eligible teams for all of the games. Why are there so many? It has nothing to do with any sort of final ranking of the teams. It's an insane way of making a team feel good about itself for what really amounts to mediocrity ("Congratulations! You're the 51st best team in the nation! Here's a ring from our sponsor!"). It comes back to the money. It's a way for the sponsors of the game to imagine that they're getting a bunch of publicity when really, for the most part, they're only getting a bunch of publicity in two limited areas (wherever the two schools are located). It's also a way for the schools to make even more money off of these athletes. The athletes get a trip to somewhere other than where they live (unless you have a case like Miami going to the Orange Bowl - then they get another home game).


National Championship. I know, I know. This has been hashed and re-hashed so many times it's become a cliché. However, it still bears mentioning. It was only in 2004 that LSU and USC shared a split national championship. LSU won the championship BCS bowl game, but USC was voted as the best team in the nation by the sportswriters. If a sport wants me to take it seriously, this sort of thing can't happen. It's exactly the same reason that I don't respect boxing as a sport; multiple championships held by multiple individuals (not talking about different weight classes). Through some sort of complicated formula, they come up with the two highest-ranked teams and they play in a bowl game to determine one half of a national championship. However, there almost always seems to be doubt as to what teams should be in the game. For instance, in 2005, three major teams were undefeated: USC, Oklahoma and Auburn. The computers spit out that Oklahoma and USC should play with Auburn being left out in the cold. Would Auburn have been able to show up at least a bit better than Oklahoma, who was stomped 55-19? The world will never know, and that's the issue. We have no chance of saying that Auburn was the national champion because they were never given the opportunity. The love of money from the bowl game sponsors has made it so that college football has controversy almost every year as it goes to try and crown its pseudo-champion. Again, let's contrast this with the NFL. Each division winner goes to the playoffs and the two teams with the best records who are not division winners also go. The teams are seeded and play until only one is left standing. Sure, there will always be debates about "if the ref didn't call this" or "if the idiot kicker didn't go wide right", but no one can doubt that the results were decided on the field, not by a computer or by a bunch of sportswriters, many of whom have their own agendas because they cover the local teams. College basketball can have a tournament and no one cries out about the kids missing time from class. It would add two or three weeks to a season that already has a gigantic gap between the end of the regular season and before the bowl season to the point that when the bowl games do come around, we're often "treated" to some sloppy football while the teams knock off some of their rust. Let the players decide on the field who the best team in the nation is. Division II and Division III football have playoff systems and no one complains about that. In fact, it gives us an un-ambiguous champion. How cool is that?

Allow me to re-iterate: There are many things that I appreciate about college football. I like the fan support. I like the tailgating. However, that doesn't change the fact that there are gigantic, glaring problems with the sport. The NFL has problems too, but they, at least, are up-front about admitting there is a problem. I don't see that with Division IA college football, and until I do, my choice will be the professional game.

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Vikings Draft Recap

By J. Gudy and Jeff Kamp

Hey all What we’re going to be doing here is taking the Vikings draft apart pick by pick providing our own commentary on each and every one. Here we go.

Round 1, Pick 17 – Chad Greenway, LB, Iowa

Jeff Kamp: I absolutely love this pick. Before his poor 40 time at the combine, he could have been a top-10 pick and there was some doubt that he would be available at 17. It’s amazing to me just how much stock is placed on some of these “measurables” at pro days and the combine. It seems as though some football people fall in love with work-out warriors and people who can run fast when not in pads as opposed to people who prove it game in and game out on the field. Greenway proves it and immediately upgrades the weakest point of the defense. It’s nice when a pick is able to cover both best player available and a big need for the team.

J. Gudy: I agree that this was a fantastic pick. I wouldn't have minded trading up to get one of the "Marquee 3" at QB, but the team decided to go in a different direction, and for the time being, I can't complain. From what I've heard, Greenway will fit perfectly into the new Tampa-2 system, and this pick serves to make the NFC North probably the deepest division at LB in all of football. Huzzah and Huzzah!

Round 2, Pick 16 – Cedric Griffin, CB, Texas

J.G: The following is the extent of my knowledge concerning Cedric Griffin: "..............................................................." With that said, I don't think this was too bad of a pick. Many of the experts absolutely love this pick, and at least he could develop into a decent insurance policy, Brian Williams type of player for Fred Smoot, who I have doubts will fit right into the Vikes' system, especially with the character issues. However, the downside is that Griffin was the first pick of what could have been Abdul Hodge.

JK: I don’t know that Hodge would have been my pick here. I might have waited for the other second round pick. I like the Griffin pick since the Vikings need a nickel/injury replacement CB and he could develop into that guy.

JG: I'm not saying that Hodge should've been the pick here, I'm just voicing my overall displeasure of not drafting him after orignally having 2 2nd round picks, and 2 3rd round picks.

Round 2, Pick 19 – Ryan Cook, C, New Mexico

JK: The biggest question I have here is “Why?” Everything that I’ve seen on him has said that he was a fourth or a fifth round pick at best. Also, if the team needs a back-up center (which is a possibility due to Birk’s recent health issues), then why not go for Greg Eslinger? He won the Outland Trophy, which is given for the best interior lineman in the nation and could have been taken in the fourth or fifth round instead of taking a 6-7 center (who will be taller than the QB he’ll be directly in front of) with a second round pick. Oh, yeah, I forgot: measurables. *sigh*

JG: I'm hearing that Cook isn't going to be at center for very long. The team supposedly likes him at guard, which would make him an insurance policy if Marcus Johnson doesn't pan out on the right side. If we could get right tackle figured out, because I'm not a big Rosenthal guy, that's a pretty formidable offensive line. I also would lend credence to the theory that he's not really going to be playing a lot of center because the team signed Jason Whittle, who will be backing up all of the positions on the line. Or something.

JK: I like Johnson on the right side if he can get the mental mistakes down a little bit. There were too many false starts for my liking, but the dude was a rookie. Hopefully a lot of those will be taken care of and he can learn to mirror Hutchinson leaving right tackle the only real question mark on the line.

Round 2, Pick 32 – Tarvaris Jackson, QB, Alabama State

JG: I'm not really sure words can do me any justice to describe how much I disliked this pick when I first heard about it. Just like Cook, this guy projected to be a 2nd-day type of player, and we took him in the 2nd round. I was a big Brodie Croyle guy going into the draft, and this really disappointed me. With that said, we've been talking about how teams put way too much emphasis on workouts and various numbers. It appears that the Vikes identified their players early, went after them, and got them. I will give them credit for that. Jackson looks to be the same type of player as Donovan McNabb, and that worked out pretty well when Childress was in Philly, so I guess I'll have to reserve judgment for a couple of years so we can see how Croyle and Jackson have panned out.

JK: I agree about letting time pass until we are able to pass judgment. I heard an interview with his college QB coach (contrary to Coach Childress’ comments, he did have one) and according to the coach, Jackson has “the strongest arm [he’s] ever seen.” The coach spent eight years in the NFL as a backup QB, so that’s saying something. Of course, it’s like asking an Iowa fan for an assessment of Greenway, but still…

Round 4, Pick 30 – Ray Edwards, DE, Purdue

JK: Not a bad pick at this point in the draft. The Vikings don’t need a huge amount of help at DE since they have Udeze, James and Scott all returning, but if this young man can get his head on straight and listen to his coaching, he could be a steal. Of course, I think we said some of the same things about Dimitrius Underwood.

JG: I think this gets chalked up as an insurance pick for Udeze mostly. I get the vibe that the staff is more than a little concerned about his injury history. This was probably the perfect coaching staff for Edwards to get drafted by, so I think this will turn out pretty good for us.

Round 5, Pick 16 – Greg Blue, S, Georgia

JG: I know slightly less about him than I do about Cedric Griffin. If he's a capable safety though, I already like him better than Willie Offord. So that's a plus.

JK: First of all, I’d like to point out that Willie was playing fairly well before he was injured last season. Blue looks to be a pretty decent value pick here. Georgia seems to me to be a pretty good program. Because, you know, I’m an expert in college football…

Round 6 – Pick traded to Philadelphia for Artis Hicks

JK: I don’t necessarily mind going this route. Hicks already has pro experience, which can’t be said for any of the picks in the draft. He’s still young at only 27 and he has the versatility to have played three different positions last year for the Eagles. The Vikings needed some offensive line help on the right side and Hicks gives that to them.

JG: You can never have too much depth on the offensive line. It's brutal down there during games, and people (read Matt Birk) are constantly getting injuired. He should be ready to compete, and take a little pressure off of projects Cook and Marcus Johnson.

Round 7 – Pick traded during 2005 season to San Diego for Toniu Fonoti

JG: Basically, it comes down to Fonoti was a gamble that didn't pay off. We didn't have to pay too much for him, but it would have been nice to have this pick to float on a really big project type of player, preferably a WR, RB, or QB. Marcus Vick keeps echoing in my head, but he went undrafted, and probably won't do anything in the NFL ever. Scrolling through the 7th round picks, there were a few WRs taken, a couple of RBs, and a QB. At this point, I think a project would be more valuable to the Vikes than Fonoti was last year. But that's a risk you have to take sometimes.

JK: I didn’t mind the gamble that the Vikings made in picking him up. With the signing of Hutchinson, he became expendable since they play on the same side (no idea if Fonoti would have been capable of switching to the right side). At the same time, I would have liked to see them make an effort to re-sign him. He was coming off of a bad season in which he was probably rushed back from injury and was completely not in football shape, but the team was in desperate need of offensive line help (which I would contend was the offense’s biggest problem and not Daunte – well, that and coaching).

Post Draft – Firing of (now) former football front-office fellow, Fran Foley

JK: I liked this move. For one thing, he didn’t run a very good draft and, according to reports, he seemed to be not very well liked within the organization along with having pulled an O’Leary. Besides which, in the interviews that I had heard him give, he rubbed me the wrong way.

JG: I never really liked him either. I'm not sure what the difference between teams that just have a GM and a Coach, and this triangle of power stuff, but it didn't seem to ever work for the Vikings. What is it with the Vikings and coaches who embellish on their resumes? First George O'Leary, and now Foley. Can the Vikings get anymore screwed up as an organization. I don't think I'd be surprised to hear of anything coming out of winter park...

JK: In fairness to the team, O'Leary was prior to coming to the Vikings. Hopefully the organization's supposed focus on integrity will take care of some of these issues. From what I've heard, there were a lot of people in the NFL that were suprized that Foley was the pick for the position. I'm really hoping that they give the position to Studwell. We'd still have the triangle, but we'd have the scout (Studwell), the financial guy (Brzezinski) and the coach (Childress). I really like Brzezinski in his current post since he's been very good for the Vikings cap. That was mainly due to Red not letting Brzezinski do much, but he managed it well. I'd now like to buy a vowel.

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Mockery of a Mock Draft

By J. Gudy and Jeff Kamp.

1. Houston - Kenneth Lay, Former CEO, Enron Corporation - By his own accounts, Lay's stock has been rising, and Houston just can't resist taking one of their own.

2. New Orleans - Ray Nagin, Mayor, City of New Orleans - The Saints figure that if they tank the season again this year, Nagin can step right in and blame the Federal Government for all their problems.

3. Tennessee - Bill Clinton, Former President, United States of America – The Titans need someone to handle the PR problems they’ve been having since asking Steve McNair to not come to their practice facilities, and the public always seemed to believe whatever Clinton said making him the perfect PR guy for them.

4. NY Jets - Anakin Skywalker, Jedi Knight/Dark Lord of the Sith – The perfect QB for the Jets, because he can switch sides even faster the the New York media. Plus, when his arm fails, he replaces it with a mechanical one and moves on.

5. Green Bay - Maurice Clarett, Former RB, The Ohio State University - Needing a RB of the future and misunderstanding the statements about how pundits "can't believe how far he's fallen", GB jumps on the former Buckeye.

6. San Francisco - Victor Conte, Founder & President, BALCO - He seems to have helped Barry Bonds so much, and let's face it...the 49ers need some serious help.

7. Oakland - Charlize Theron, Actress - Because someone in the franchise has to look good in a jogging suit.

8. Buffalo - Julio Franco, 1B, New York Mets - The owner then makes further comments about the "youth movement" that he started with the hiring of Marv Levy for the front office.

9. Detroit - Cris Collinsworth, Commentator, NBC - Collinsworth can't decide whether he wants to return to the booth, or stay in the studio, so instead the Lions take him, mostly because they felt they needed to take another receiver in the 1st round.

10. Arizona - George Lucas, Writer & Director, Star Wars - Lucas is a great pick in this situation. Coach Dennis Green is famous for drafting offensive players, namely RBs, that are all flash and no substance.

11. St. Louis - Tom Landry, Former Head Coach, Dallas Cowboys - Coach Scott Linehan, who recieved his first NFL coordinator experience just four years ago, feels he needs all the help he can get. He leaps at the chance to take Landry after being informed that the Catholic Vince Lombardi is still in Purgatory.

12. Cleveland - Evel Knievel, Stuntman - Someone has to teach Kellen Winslow Jr. how to ride a motorcycle.

13. Baltimore - Matisyahu, Hasidic Jewish Reggae Rapper - Just because I wanted to say Hasidic Jewish Reggae Rapper.

14. Philadelphia - Mike Patrick, Joe Theismann, & Paul Maguire, Former Crew, ESPN Sunday Night Football - Desperately in need of some positive vibes from the press in Philly, the Eagles draft three guys who couldn't say a negative thing about Charles Manson.

15. Denver - Rush Limbaugh, Broadcaster, Conservative Talk Radio - Mile High Stadium becomes even harder for visiting teams to play at after Limbaugh takes much of what's left of the remaining oxygen.

16. Miami - Tommy Chong, Actor - Ricky Williams needs someone to keep him company during his one year suspension.

17. Minnesota - Gavin MacLeod, Captain Merrill Stubing, The Love Boat - Since Daunte and Moss are no longer wearing purple, the Vikings find themselves in need of someone to be the face of the franchise. MacLeod seems the logical, if incredibly obvious, choice.

18. Dallas - Carl Lewis, Track Star - Quote from Jerry Jones: "He has a lovely face; a beautiful face. I would love to have a face like that. Can we write into the contract that I get his face?"

19. San Diego - Peyton Manning's Unborn Child, Future QB - immediately traded to the Giants for their next 3 first-round picks.

20. Kansas City - Adam Morrison, SF, Gonzaga University - Dick Vermeil is no longer with the team, and the Chiefs decide the need someone else to cry at press conferences.

21. New England - Diet Coke Machine, Vending Machine, Coca Cola Companies - Last year's choice of the Diet Pepsi Machine didn't go so well, so they draft its arch rival, hoping the competition raises the level of both their games.

22. San Francisco - Jose Canseco, Retired MLB Player - Conte supplies the drugs, and Canseco administers them. The perfect tandem.

23. Tampa Bay - Darrin Burrows, Actor, Northern Exposure - With the Bucs continuing struggles performing in cold climates, the feel they get the steal of the draft in Burrows, who played a man with Eskimo origins on the beloved series.

24. Cincinnati - Samus Aran, Heroine, Metroid Video Game Series - Marvin Lewis is overheard after the pick, "Let's see how Pittsburgh likes someone rolling at their franchise QB..."

25. NY Giants - Pick traded to San Diego for the rights to the future Manning offspring.

26. Chicago - Ki-Jana Carter, RB, Cinncinati Bengles (among others) - This way, Cedric Benson won't be the most disappointing first-round running back on the team.

27. Carolina - J.J. Redick, SG, Duke - After watching Redick's shots go all over the place during March Madness, the Panthers figure he will be great at distributing the ball all over the place on the field, and draft their QB of the future.

28. Jacksonville - Reggie Bush, RB, USC - Since everyone else seems to be wasting their selections on all these stupid picks, Jacksonville goes for the no-brainer at this point in the draft.

29. NY Jets - C3-PO, Human-Cyborg relations - Drafted only as spare parts for their earlier first-round pick.

30. Indianapolis - Alex Rodriguez, 3B, New York Yankees - Dubbed "Mr. March" by some, the Colts figure that it's closer to any February success that Peyton Manning has had.

31. Seattle - Selfish 6 year-old, Spoiled Child - Immediately moves into the front office where he fits in very well with the other team executives. From his first press release: "Fine! You take my Hutchinson, I'm going to take your Burleson and go home!"

32. Pittsburgh - Mark Grudzielanek & Doug Mientkiewicz, Infielders, Kansas City Royals - The Steelers snatch up this pair to use as RBs to compliment a backfield already containing Ben Roethlisberger. Stock in companies who make the lettering to iron on jerseys immediately jumps 1000%.

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