Those Amazing Glasses

When I was in high school, I was dating a girl. We were together for just shy of four years before we broke up. During those almost four years, I got to know her family fairly well. I helped them set up Christmas lights one year (and almost got dumped out of a tractor loader that was 20 feet up, but that's another post); I spent the night on the couch after the prom; I played cards with her parents one winter day. However, every single time I see her father these days, he thinks that I'm my older brother. My brother and I have some similar facial features. However, we have different-colored hair. I have a mole on my cheek, he has a mole on his chin. Why the confusion? You see, during high school, when I cared what people though about how I looked along with the fact that I was in sports, I wore my contacts every day. My brother, on the other hand, wore his glasses every day. Now that I'm married and working (along with being lazy), I wear my glasses every day. Therefore, in my ex's father's mind, I have become my brother when I wear my glasses.

I have thought long and hard on the issue of glasses changing my identity in the eyes of someone with whom I've spent a fair amount of time. It is this which has led me to the following conclusion:

Superman has a long-lost brother named Clark that always wore his glasses while Superman went without. Therefore, it is not that everyone thinks that Superman isn't Clark Kent, but that they just think he's his brother when he's wearing the glasses.

The issue of the Superman/Clark Kent glasses issue has been covered by people much more intelligent than me. For instance, it was beautifully lampooned by Ben Edlund in The Tick. Also, there was an issue of the Incredible Hulk which poked fun at it as only Peter David can. The Hulk had all three of his personalities melded into one, so he had the intelligence of Bruce Banner, the strength of the green Hulk and the cunning of the Grey Hulk. Rick Jones, the Hulk's long-time side-kick is looking for Bruce and walks into what he thinks is Bruce's room. He sees the Hulk sitting in a chair reading a book with glasses on. Rick stammers an apology about how he thought it was someone else's room. The Hulk looks up and says, "Rick, what are you talking about?" Rick responds, "Oh, wow. I didn't recognize you. Man, I've never really believed that whole 'glasses as a disguise thing, but now..." Keep in mind that he was talking to an 8-9 foot tall green man at the time.

Maybe some day we'll find out about Superman's long-lost brother with glasses named Clark. We'll get to hear all about how he's been missing since the late-70's and wants his job at the Daily Planet back. I'm sure that there's some writer out there who can pull it off. I'm also sure that John Byrne could use the work...