Disappointment Unlimited

I love our local library. I've been able to catch up on quite a bit of comic book reading (Ultimate Spider-Man) and read some that I've always wanted to but never had the chance (Watchmen, V for Vendetta). I've also been able to watch a few shows that I wanted to see (Lost). I've also been a bit disappointed. I'm a really big believer in being truthful in advertising. If you say that your product does something, or is something, I would greatly prefer that your product does or is that thing. That's why I was mildly frustrated with the people who produced the show that I borrowed from the library: Justice League Unlimited.

I've always been more of a Marvel guy than a D.C. guy. I'm sure that it's partially because the first comic that I started buying on a regular basis was the Amazing Spider-Man. From there, I went on to the the Incredible Hulk, the Uncanny X-Men, and Wolverine, among others. It's only been in more recent years that I've started getting more of an appreciation for the "Distinguished Competition." Mainly in the form of liking to read Batman, but also reading some of the Superman, Flash, Green Lantern, and Justice League stories. When I saw a disk that was labeled "Justice League Unlimited, Season 1," I was excited to see the Justice League crew in cartoon form and able to see it from the beginning. Boy was I wrong.

The animation was in a style that we've come to expect from the WB/D.C. studios that started with the animated series for Batman. The voice work was top-notch. We had Kevin and Jason from the Wonder Years. We had Nathan Fillion, Adam Baldwin, and Gina Torres from Firefly. The characters were many and diverse. We had the heavy-hitters (Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman, Green Lantern), the mystic (Dr. Fate, Zatana) and the lesser-known (Hawk, Dove) characters. The stories were interesting and mostly self-contained, but with an over-arching story that carried with it clues to where the show was heading. Unfortunately, that also included some information (or lack thereof) about from where the show had come.

You see, this wasn't what I would call a "pure" season one of the show. It had continuity that it had carried over from a previous show. There was some whole thing with Hawkgirl so that she was hanging out in some pocket dimension with Dr. Fate along with the fact that there seemed to be some unrequited love thing between her and Green Lantern. To top it all off, one of my favorite characters in the D.C. universe, the Flash, who is one of the major, flag-ship characters of the entire comics line along with being a founding member of the Justice League (Well, really, it was his predecessor, Barry Allen, who was one of the founding members, at least in the comics, but that's not important right now. Well, to you it's not important; to me it's a detail that they missed. Where was I? Oh, yeah: the Flash) doesn't even make a single appearance in the series besides the opening credits until the seventh episode of the series. How does this make sense?

So, to sum it all up: If you're looking for the Flash, expect to be disappointed until mid-way through the first season, and please don't mind the fact that they said it's a first season, but really it's not, and they don't completely explain the stuff that they figure you should already know because, after all, you watched the previous series that wasn't actually named Justice League Unlimited, right? I mean, why would you be watching this series if you didn't watch the first one? It's not like they said that this was the first season of a brand new series, right? Oh wait! They did. (Deep breath.)

My name is Jeff Kamp, and I approve this rant.

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Random Thoughts: Kutlass/Newsboys Edition

Recently, Anne and I went with some friends to see Kutlass and Newsboys in concert together, along with a third opening band whose name I have no desire to actually look up. I decided to do a random thoughts on the concert. I hope you enjoy.

• You know, I don't mind paying for parking when I'm able to get tickets for free. Have I mentioned that I like my employer?
• "Everybody remember where we parked."
• We find our seats and our group immediately segregates themselves by male and female. Welcome to the 21st century. You gotta love progress.
• The opening act is...interesting. Dude at the keyboard does a little "human beatbox" thing before doing a "power organ" thing. So, it seems like their musical influences are mid-'80s rap and ELO.
• And B.B. King.
• And Boxcar Willie.
• Kutlass was awesome!
• The guitarist for Kutlass likes doing this thing where he flips his guitar completely around his body by the strap. Kinda cool.
• I can just picture him practicing and someone comes up behind him, "Hey, dude, how's it..." *smack!* "..OW!"
• When did Billy Corgan become the lead singer of Newsboys?
• And when did he pick up the Australian accent?
• Thrumming bass? Check. Obnoxiously-bright light show? Check. Unable to discern any of the different parts of the music? Check. It's definitely a rock concert.
• I'm not sure why, but hearing the song "Something Beautiful" at 250 decibels seems to me to be a contradiction.
• "I could be wrong, sir, but I'm pretty sure your five-year-old son will have enough issues losing his hearing to his own music."
• And stop trying to hand the lead singer a box of Cap'n Crunch.
• Oh good. Another joke about how they're Australian.
• I don't know about you, but when I look at a platform that is raised ten feet in the air and is five feet in diameter while someone is frantically standing and drumming on it and say sarcastically to myself, "Oh yeah, that looks stable," I start to think that it's time to re-consider the gimmick.
• "If your ears aren't ringing, then I want my money back!" Don't worry, dude, I think you accomplished it.

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Trust Me, It's Broken

An epiphany is an interesting thing. It strikes you when you least expect it. For instance, my family and I had decided that we would go to a local eating establishment one day, and we were waiting to order when a thought suddenly struck me. It was very much like in the first Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy book where someone has an idea to fix all the problems in the world. It would work. Everyone would get behind it, and then the world blew up. I had a very similar idea on a smaller scale. It wouldn't fix all of the problems in the world. Just one of the more disputed issues in the world of sports. Maybe that's why the world didn't blow up after I came up with the idea. At least, as far as I know the world didn't explode. I have an idea that would fix college football.

One of the biggest discussions every year is about the Bowl Championship Series in college football. Everyone except for the NCAA and the people directly involved in the bowl games hate the BCS. I've written about it being one of the biggest problems I have with college football. We end the year in a major sport where the champion may or may not be the best team in the nation. We're not sure because the teams that are out on the field for the championship are there because a computer decided that they're the best two teams in the nation, not necessarily because they've proven it on the field. Some have proposed that there be a four or eight game playoff at the end of the season. That doesn't appease the good old boy network that claims this would cause the regular season to be meaningless. I would say that the the BCS has caused the regular season to be virtually meaningless already considering that at the outset of the season, only ten teams have a legitimate shot at going to the national championship game. Why not make most of the season a tournament?

I started thinking down those lines after we had gotten our food, but I needed to flesh out the details a little bit. For one thing, I didn't know how many teams there are in division one football. When I don't know the answer to a question like that, I know what I need to do: Call Gudy. One of the benefits of being friends with a guy like Gudy is the fact that if I don't know the answer to a sports questions, most likely he does. I quickly called him from the cell phone. Here's a transcript of our conversation.

Gudy: "Hello?"

Me: "Hey. How many teams are there in division 1A college football?"

Gudy (without hesitation): "119."

Me: "How many games are in the average team's season?"

Gudy: "11 or 12."

Me: "Thanks. I'll talk to you later." Click.

So now I had all the information I needed. Just the numbers. Here's the details.

• The season would start with each team playing five games. They can schedule these games however they'd like. The could play against conference teams. They could play traditional rivals. This would allow us to still see the match-ups we care about every year: USC v. Notre Dame, Florida State v. Clemson, University of Minnesota v. North Dakota State University, Michigan v. Appalachians State. You know, all the traditional, bad-blood rivalries.
• At the end of those five games, we make use of the BCS computers to rank the teams. Not just the top 25, however. We go from one to 119 with the top nine teams having a first week bye.
• For the remaining seven weeks, the teams play out the bracket.
• If a team loses, they drop down into the consolation round. That's essentially what happens today anyway when you consider that it only takes one loss to drop you out of contention.
• For the consolation group, the top 30 teams participate in the bowls. That'll keep the good old boys happy.
• The two left standing at the end play for the national championship. Last one standing gets the crown.

So, there you go. The one downside of this plan is that the conferences become, for all intents and purposes, irrelevant. Unless you do something where, based on the final standings, the conferences get some sort of bonus for how their teams finished. The large advantages are nearly self-evident. Everyone, top to bottom, has a chance to win the championship and not just the teams that are fortunate enough to be in the top 15 at the beginning of the season. The bowl games are all still in play. In fact, you can preserve the rotating national championship locations that we have today between the Rose Bowl, the Orange Bowl, the Fiesta Bowl, and the Sugar Bowl. The biggest thing for me is the fact that the champion is decided on the field and not by a computer. It's also all done without adding any games to the schedule, which is another thing people have against a playoff system. To me, this fixes things, whether or not you wish to believe that it's currently broken.

P.S. It is currently broken.

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Yet Another Patriots Article

I am an avid reader of ESPN's Sports Guy, Bill Simmons. Anything that he puts up, I try to read. He's interesting; sometimes insightful; an unabashed fan of the Patriots, Red Sox, and Celtics; and more often than not, right on with his opinions. However, sometimes that fan-dom can cloud his judgment. Such is the case with his latest article about the Patriots filming scandal. I think we can all agree that there's been a lot to talk about in the world of professional football lately besides what happened in week one of the NFL season with the cameraman from the Patriots being caught filming the Jets coaching staff. I think we can also agree that much has been said and written about the penalty that Commissioner Goodell handed down to the New England Patriots this past week. The penalty was given after the Patriots had video taped the New York Jets, which was in clear violation of the rule after all teams were warned by the NFL front office against doing exactly that. Everyone has been weighing in with their opinion about the harshness or leniency of those penalties. Here's what I think should have been done immediately by the office of the commissioner: absolutely nothing.

I'll explain that in a moment. First, though, I'd like to point out some things that I agree with Bill's (do you mind if I call you Bill?) article and point out some issues that I have with it.

...NBC was too determined to blow out CameraGate. Before the game, Andrea Kramer reported [Charger's Coach Norv] Turner was taking precautions from a secrecy standpoint, refusing to allow any Patriots personnel into his locker room and even handing his players the first 15 plays Sunday morning instead of Saturday night...Kramer was treating the topic so seriously and breathlessly, you would have thought she was standing in Iraq with missiles going off behind her.

Completely agree. This has been a problem with how network TV handles sports for quite some time. They decide on one or two "story-lines" to follow throughout the game and they just...can't...let...go. This is one of the reasons why John Madden and every other announcer doing a Packers' game spend so much time gushing over Brett Favre. Even if he's having a horrible game, all we can hear about is how he's "having fun out there" and is "a gunslinger." There doesn't seem to be the talent or the producers willing to let the game dictate the line of conversation in the booth. It almost seems like they have a script to read before going on the air. But that couldn't happen, could it?

Look, I know everyone now assumes the Patriots have been cheating for the past six years, even though they hadn't been penalized even once before last weekend; even though no coach or player has left New England since 2002 and blown the whistle on them; and even though the New England players were fired up Sunday night, partly because everyone has been so eager to stick an asterisk next to everything that's happened from 2001-2007.

I agree that there's a bit of a gleam in the eyes of the media and some of the sports-loving public because of the "how the mighty have fallen" syndrome. It's much the same reason why many people enjoy to watch the Yankees, Lakers, and Cowboys struggle. We enjoy success stories in America. We just don't like to see one person/team/group dominate for too long. Success is all well and good, but we like to see fresh faces at the top of the mountain, too. It's just human nature.

Our "evidence" that there may have been a prolonged pattern of cheating last week came from "unnamed sources" and players who had already lost big games to the Patriots and seemed excited to have an excuse after all these years...If this pattern of inappropriate behavior had been happening for six years, wouldn't they have been caught before Sept. 9, 2007?

Um...Bill? They were. In fact, I direct you to your employer's website to read an article almost completely contradicting your statements.

"It's not their first time," a member of the [NFL's competition] committee, who did not wish to be identified, said.

Granted, it's an "unnamed" source, but it's an unnamed source that has to be a team executive or coach, since that is who is on the committee. From the same article (emphasis mine):

Green Bay Packers president Bob Harlan confirmed a similar incident that occurred when the Patriots played at Lambeau Field last Nov. 19. The same cameraman who was questioned by NFL security on Sunday was also the one whom the Packers removed from the sideline and escorted from the field during their 2006 game, according to Packers security official Doug Collins. "From what I can remember, he had quite a fit when we took him out," Harlan said. "We had gotten word before the game that they [the Patriots] did this sort of thing, so we were looking for it."

Hardly an unnamed source with this incident. None of this matters, though. They were caught after the entire league had been specifically warned against employing any sort of recording device in the stadium.

Simmons again:

They got caught, they paid the price. Like every other Pats fan, I hate what happened and continue to be disappointed that our coach pulled a Nixon on us. I don't know how many times I can write this. They are the villains of the NFL. The Belichick era has been tainted.

On to the punishment. Why do I think that Goodell should not have given out any public punishment when so many have been screaming that the punishment should have been more harsh, including adding a suspension of Belichick? Simple: because it's Belichick. The problem with the punishment as it currently stands - $500,000 fine for Belichick, $250,000 fine for the Patriots, loss of a first round pick if they make the playoffs, a second and a third if they don't - is that there is no immediate impact on the season in which the problem occurred. In fact, I find it interesting that all of this happened in a season that some had regarded as Belichick's swan song in New England. I wonder if the extension that he just signed was, to a certain extent, the owner of the Patriots saying, "Clean up your own mess" since the loss of draft picks is normally so crippling for a franchise. See also: The Minnesota Timberwolves and Smith, Joe. However, look deeper. If they lose the first-round draft pick, which most people expect since they should be in the playoffs, they have another one due to a trade with the San Francisco 49ers, which is likely to be higher in the round than their own pick anyway. Is it a loss? Sure, but not one from which the team can't recover. In fact, what all this melodrama surrounding the Patriots has effectively done is provide the team with the dreaded "us against them" motivator. Do you think Belichick isn't going to take advantage of that? Look at the way they effectively dismantled a very talented (but poorly-led) Chargers team. Don't you suppose that Belichick went into the locker room before the game and talked about how the world wanted to see them crumble and fall under the weight of the current scrutiny? He's a master of the us against them mentality. Of course he used it.

Here's how I think it should have been handled. Goodell should not have announced any draft pick removal, fines, suspensions or anything until after the season was over. During the season, he would bring up how fantastic an organization the Patriots are. They've won three Super Bowls this decade. They're the modern dynasty. They're never strapped for salary cap, talent, or intelligence. In fact, he should bring up positive notes about the Patriots even when they're not involved in the line of questioning. "Yes, what Terrell Owens said was a bit over the top. There may be some fines coming for him in the near future. I wish he could be more like Randy Moss has been since he's gone to the Patriots. Moss has been the perfect citizen in New England. I suppose it's being under the influence of such a classy organization from top to bottom. I wish all of our teams could be coached and run more like New England."

Would these sort of talking points hurt the commissioner's hard-line image? Of course. At least, until he handed out the penalties at the end of the year. But it would eat Belichick that he has such a prominent and vocal proponent in Goodell. It would make it that much harder to pull the world is against us bit. Might it cause them some wins? Maybe, maybe not, but it'd be fun to watch if you were in on the "punishment."

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They Grow Up So Quickly

My daughter, Punkin, took another step in her journey towards becoming a young woman. It, of course, brought back memories of changing her diaper, late-night feedings, running full-bore down the hallway when she should be asleep. Ah, the memories. This is normally where a sentimental musical number would be placed. Pretty soon she'll be moving out of the house and finding a husband. The continuing journey was evident today once again. My daughter played Super Mario Bros.

While visiting Anne's folks, her mom mentioned that Punkin, now five, was getting to be a little too big for the baby toys that she had in the bedroom for the kids to play with. She made the suggestion that we should maybe break out the old Super Nintendo and see if she'd like to do that. I was all for it. After all, I really enjoy video games and quite often long for the simpler days where the controllers don't have 20 different buttons. They make me feel old and ineffectual. Super Nintendo may not be as simple as the original Nintendo that I had growing up, but it's simple enough for me. Besides which, I was able to get quite a bit of Super Nintendo time in at friends' homes when I was growing up. Then we fired it up.

It's amazing to me how quickly a little girl who has never before in her life played an actual video game system. Sure, she has this little pocket pet sort of toy that lets her care for a rabbit and play some games with it, but that's it. Once she got the hang of moving the little guy on the screen and jumping, it wasn't too long before she was able to get through one of the first levels all by herself. I cried a little bit.

She has a long way to go, of course. She still hasn't gotten the hang of the cape or being a fire guy. That will come in time, I'm sure. She just has to practice a little bit more.

The biggest surprise to me was that Anne agreed to it. Excuse me now, while I perform the sentimental musical number that I mentioned earlier.

"Is this the little girl I carried?"

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The Long Wait

I hate waiting for things. I hate waiting for a pregnancy test to be ready to read. I hate waiting in lines. I hate waiting for Christmas to be here. Most of all, I hate waiting for something to arrive. Whether it was company coming over when I was a kid, or simply for the mailman, it's always gotten on my nerves to wait for that arrival. This is amplified when I'm having to wait for a new toy. Such has been the case for the past few weeks while waiting for my laptop to arrive. Yes, that's right, I finally purchased one.

Those who know me well will recall the fact that in my ideal case, I would now be typing on a MacBook Pro. There's just one slight problem with that original plan: they're really expensive. The $1700 for a refurbished MacBook would have taken me another year or so to save up the necessary funds. For a while, I was content to wait, but then circumstances conspired against me. You see, for a few months, we had the laptop belonging to Anne's brother here while I was configuring it for their use as missionaries in Mexico. We quickly found that laptops are addictive. They're so nice and convenient. We didn't have to run all the way into the basement (a short trip, sure, but with small children in the house, you can't make a trip quickly enough) to check our email, the score of the Twins' game (usually not good), or see what the weather is like outside (because opening a window is too hard). You can imagine the withdrawal that we experienced when we finally had to send the laptop to the rightful owners to be used as it was originally intended. Now I could no longer sit on the couch and write my snarky comments. Anne couldn't email me several times a day (I really missed that). This called for drastic measures. This called for my giving up being so stubborn.

One could ask at this point, "Why didn't you go for the cheaper option of the MacBook?" Excellent question. I'm glad that I had you ask that in our pretend conversation. There's a couple of reasons that I didn't want to go for the MacBook. First, I'm not all that crazy about how small the screen was. Sure, it's really small and cute and portable, but would I get tired of looking at such a small screen? Secondly, it bothered me that they used two sticks of RAM to get up to one gigabyte. This might seem like a small thing, but when I knew that I'd want to be upgrading it to two gigs, it became more expensive to upgrade that way. Finally, and this is big for me, was the fact that it was using the integrated graphics card. I know that the integrated graphics have gotten better than they were in previous incarnations, but there's still something in me that's bothered by having such an important component of how the system performs being essentially an after-thought add-in to the motherboard. Give me something I can sink my teeth into that starts by letting me know how big the RAM is on my video card. Don't make me use the RAM that the rest of the system is trying to use. That just doesn't make anyone happy. So, I couldn't go MacBook.

Then I started to research. Price was a big consideration, but I also didn't want something that would be completely obsolete in two months. It could be a little bit obsolete, but I drew the line at completely obsolete. A guy's gotta have standards, after all. I found that Gateway was a bit over-priced. I'd heard too many friends that had troubles with Toshiba. Sony is pretty, but a bit on the pricey side. Then I looked at Dell.
The company for which I work has a deal with Dell. You can either get a certain percentage off normal catalog pricing, or you can customize one of the "company standards" to your liking at a pretty substantial savings. That's the route that I went. Oh, sure, I couldn't get my laptop in Arctic Blue (<sarcasm>Oh, no. Whatever will I do without my laptop being a "custom" color</sarcasm>) and I also couldn't get Windows Vista on the machine, which might not be a bad thing from some of the stuff I've been hearing about Vista. However, I was able to get a Core 2 processor on it, one gig of RAM (single stick), a 128 MB Nvidia graphics card (for all the heavy Diablo 2 playing), and, all-in-all, a very nice machine.

I'm going to call it Junior.

The problem was, however, I had to wait for it. When I ordered it, I got a ship date that was three weeks after the time of placing the purchase. Needless to say, it was a long time to wait for me. I started religiously checking the order status page that Dell provides because, obviously, they have too much bandwidth and need to burn some off. I mean, I was pining the thing every few minutes at one point. Then, finally, it ticked over to "shipped." I raised my hands in triumph. Then I looked at the calendar and saw that it was shipping via 3-5 day ground and we had a long weekend ahead of us. There was no way that I thought it would be here before Tuesday of next week. I was downtrodden again. But I wasn't done with surprises just yet. It seems that DHL is able to get a package from Nashville, TN to my door in just over 24 hours. Anne called me at work around nine to let me know that it had arrived. That made for a really long day of work, let me tell you. Finally, though, I was home and could open the package. Well, after the kids were down for bed at least. Now, for the past three plus hours, I've been working on getting everything installed (FireFox, Pidgin, Hamachi).

Now, if only I could figure out why it's making so much noise each time it's accessing the hard drive. I wonder if I should be worried.

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Random Thoughts Special Edition: Chicago

This past weekend, Anne and I took some time away from the kids and went to Chicago to be tourists. Here are some of the random thoughts from walking around the Windy City.

• The drive to Chicago goes pretty well, but there's one thing I've decided: I can't stand toll roads. Anne's trying to nap and I'm trying to listen to podcasts when another toll booth crops up.
• We stayed out near O'Hare and went with the visitor pass for public transportation. We have no idea what we're doing, and it shows. We missed our first bus. Twice.
• Our first trip was to the John Hancock Observatory. Question: Do you really want to be telling people that the elevator that they're riding in at over 20 MPH to the 94th floor is older than they are?
• Report from the 94th floor: The building is tall. I can see far. Hey look, there's a pool on top of that building.
• "Thank you for visiting the Observatory at the John Hancock building. It's a different experience each time." The next time we're there, the building will be short.
• Called home. The kids are doing fine. They can't talk very long, though, because they're busy playing Nintendo. It's always fun when Grandma's over.
• Current score: Uno's Pizza 1, Kamp 0. Very good pizza, though.
• The train ride home is long. Entertainment is provided, however, in the form of a large bald man in his twenties, his short bottle-blond girlfriend, and his mother who's dressing 20 years younger than she is. Good times.
• Oh crap, there went one of the buses that we could have taken home.
• Double crap. The other bus that we thought we could take doesn't run this late at night.
• I hate not being able to sleep.
• Turns out that the Chicago comic book convention was going on this weekend. How come no one told me this?
• We get to the Shedd Aquarium. There's a gigantic line to get in stretching outside in 90-degree heat. Thanks to the City Pass, we walk right in. Definitely the way to go. Thank you City Pass.
• They have a gigantic tank with sting rays, sharks, eels, and a bunch of little fish that, collectively, are known as "bait."
• Hey look! It's bald guy and BBGF again!
• There's something very, very creepy about a komodo dragon looking at you from two feet away, separated by only an inch of glass. It's like he's thinking, "Dude, I'm only a couple hundred pounds away from causing a Saturday matinee movie in this joint. Hey there, kid. I shall call you, 'Light Snack.'"
• Why am I looking at fish that I've caught fishing with my father-in-law?
• Dolphin show: ooooo...aaaaahhh. It's already done?
• Why is the guy surprised that I want to get the "cajun mayo" on the otherwise completely bland chicken sandwich?
• We go into the Field Museum for the express purpose of taking a picture of the dinosaur skeleton that they have. Thank you City Pass.
• At this point in the day, I'm really not all that interested in spending a bunch of time at the planetarium.
• A free movie about black holes narrated by Liam Neeson. Very nice. Thank you City Pass.
• Oh cool! A replica Mars Rover!
• Sweet! A replica Gemini capsule!
• We decide to be "smart" and ride the train all the way to O'Hare because the hotel told us they have a shuttle that runs there every 30 minutes. We wait for an hour there because it turns out that on a Friday night at one of the busiest airports in the world, they only have one driver for the shuttle, and he's busy taking some people to a restaurant. Grumble.
• Hey look, there's Bald Guy, BBGF and tight-shirt mom going in to that hotel. Weird. Both the coincidence of running into them three times and them in general. Just a strange group.
• "This is not a bus stop!" I'm very, very sorry, bus driver lady.
• First up is the Museum of Science and Industry. I could spend all day here looking at the U-505 and the other stuff, but at this point in the trip, I'm pretty much tourist-ed out.
• Wouldn't you know? We get the same bus driver lady that yelled at us before. She seems in a much better mood, though.
• Lesson learned this weekend: My wife's camera is very, very heavy in the backpack when I have to carry it around for three days straight.
• Final tourist spot is the Navy Pier.
• I refuse to eat at a place that doesn't give me free refills on drinks.
• "Yeah, let's go fancy for our last meal in Chicago. Take a quick look at the menu they have posted. Holy crap. Let's go to Haagen-Dazs."
• Toy store lady, why do you keep shooting me with an air cannon?
• My knee is stiff from all the walking.
• Finally, we've figured out how everything works with the public transportation thing. On our last day here.
• "I miss you daddy." Thanks, Doodle.
• I don't feel bad smuggling in candy to a movie when I'm being charged $9 per ticket.
• Ride back goes as smoothly as one could hope. Except for the toll booths. Grumble.
• It's good to be home.

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More Than Meets the Eye

A good portion of my childhood was spent in a world created by Hasbro. I was always incredibly enamored with the Transformers. I played with the toys; watched the cartoon; read the comic books; pretended to be the characters; and talked about the toys, cartoon, comic books, and characters with friends and family. I would recreate the sounds from the cartoon every time one of my toys or my pretend body would go from one physical state to another. Needless to say, I was looking forward to the movie.

Anne mentioned that if we wanted to, we could head to the theater when we were at her folks' for the weekend and see Transformers. You can see why I love this woman. We went to the theater, paid way too much for two people going to see a movie, grabbed our pop and our seats, and prepared for the movie.

First, the good. The special effects were really, really good. There wasn't any "out of place" effects where the actors don't seem to be part of the special effect that I noticed, which is a feat in and of itself. There was a slight nod to the sound of the transforming the first time that we saw a vehicle change in to robot form which I greatly appreciated considering how many times I mimicked that noise on my own. Then there is the voice. I would have boycotted this movie if Peter Cullen wasn't the voice of Optimus Prime. Any other voice commanding the Autobots under the name Optimus Prime would have been a travesty of epic proportions. I got goosebumps when he said "Autobots, roll out." They need to get a recording of Cullen doing every possible sound in the English language so that he can always be the voice of Prime. Nothing else will do. The human characters did an admirable job in the "I'm shocked by this car turning in to a giant robot" category. Also, they served as good comic relief in appropriate places. The director, Michael Bay, seemed willing to embrace the "cheese" of the animated series which was actually welcome from a nostalgic point of view.

Now, the bad. The plot seemed to skip forward in several different places such that I felt like we missed something. Some characters just seemed to be abandoned without seeing the ultimate resolution of their plot lines. The fight scenes felt too brief. I wanted to see Prime lay some smack down over a few minutes. Also, during the battle scenes, it was sometimes hard to determine which giant robot was which. They seemed to mesh together at different times.

This is a movie that is crying, screaming, yelling, and begging for a director's cut. For me, Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring did not feel complete until we received the extended version. I think the same is true for Transformers. I want the holes in the story to be filled. I want to be able to watch the giant robots pummel each other for more than 30 seconds at a time. I want there to be an educational section at the end to close the show with someone saying "Now I know!" and to have someone respond "And knowing is half the battle." Oh, wait. Wrong '80's cartoon show.

Final verdict: Very good, but not awesome action movie. Four out of five energon cubes.

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Crisis of Conscience

It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty much morally opposed to paying for content on the internet. One of the whole thoughts behind the internet was the quick, free exchange of thoughts and ideas. That philosophy has mostly carried forward as the internet has added users and services at a breakneck pace. What was once text has become graphics. What had been typing back and forth to a friend has become talking as clearly as on the phone and, if you have enough bandwidth, seeing the person to whom you're talking. What was having everything freely available, has become registering with the site or even paying for the access to the content. That has always bothered me.

There has been only one time that I have paid for content on the web. It's when I became a member of Consumer Reports as we were about to buy our house and were going to be purchasing everything that you need to get when you first have a home (appliances, lawn mower, grill, mini van - the necessities). I justified it by deciding that they provide a very valuable service to consumers and don't accept any advertising from companies to ensure that there is no question about their objectivity. Also, this proves that I'm a hypocrite. But I'm OK with that now.

Recently, however, I was faced with a dilemma. One of the websites that I have flat-out refused to pay for their content is the ESPN website. Sure, they have the majority of their articles up for free (thankfully, this includes the Sports Guy), but they also have their "exclusive" (read: pay for it) content as part of their "Insider" accounts. Mostly, it comes down to the fact that they've scoured the websites of local papers and provide it as "inside" information for the teams about which you may be interested. However, they also have their scouting reports for the drafts (NFL and NBA being the big ones to me) and other information about the teams from some of their columnists. At least, that's what they say they have. I've never actually looked since, like I mentioned, I don't pay for content, so I'm not an insider. I did, however, recently become a subscriber to ESPN the Magazine. I was disappointed that I missed the promotion that would have bundled my subscription with a month's supply of ESPN the Toilet Paper and ESPN the Bedsheets (thank you, Mel Brooks), but I was happy just to get the magazine. Interesting articles, good pictures of some of the biggest events, and even a page dedicated strictly to Mike and Mike. All things considered, pretty cool stuff. Then, in my latest issue of the magazine, I noticed a little blurb that stated that if I was an ESPN the Magazine subscriber, I also could get an Insider account for free. Now, I'm in a quandary. I'm opposed to the idea of paying for content on the internet, and if I used Insider, isn't that a tacit endorsement of paying for the content? At the same time, they already have my money, and they are, in essence, giving me Insider as an added bonus. It might not seem like a big deal, but to me, it kinda sorta is.

So, do I go ahead and use the service that's being provided to me? Do I stand on my perceived moral high ground? It's an interesting question (to me) with, really, no actual ramifications. After all, I've already admitted that I'm a hypocrite.

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Upon Further Review: Ocean's Twelve

I can tend to be very critical of movies. Especially sequels of movies that I really enjoy. For instance, see my opinion on the two Matrix sequels. With the advent of a new summer and, subsequently, a new round of summer sequels, this issue came to a head again. One of the movies that we were interested in seeing (if for no other reason than completeness) was Ocean's Thirteen. We had seen the first two, so we figured that we should probably see the third. I should point out that both Anne and I really enjoyed the first one. I loved the pacing. I loved the twists. I loved the cast. Then we saw the second one. I thought that it was horribly unbelievable. I know, I know, the first one wasn't exactly believable either, but that's not the point.

The entire movie seemed to hinge on the very flimsy premise that they were able to get things completely in place pretty much before the main story even started. And it was all mainly a ploy anyway. All things considered, it was a fairly disappointing movie to me. After we watched the third movie, I had pretty much the same reaction as I did following the third pirates move: it was better than the second one. Anne, not letting me rest on making a blanket statement like that, asked the obvious question: "Why?" Nuts. I wasn't prepared for that. Now, I have to defend my position, and to be perfectly honest, all I had was my memories of the impressions that I had of the movie instead of any actual remembrance of the "why." I mentioned this to a friend of mine at work, and he had said that he felt the same way after seeing Ocean's Twelve, but that "it gets better after watching it again." Since we really didn't have any memories of the second movie, we figured that we should get the first two and watch them again. I somehow made it through a full-screen version of the first movie (I'm kind of a jerk when it comes to movies, in case you haven't noticed. I need to watch the wide-screen, or it drives me nuts), and then we came to watching Ocean's Twelve again. I have to say that my friend was right. Perhaps I was simply paying closer attention this time around. Or maybe it was a case of wanting to pay closer attention this time. Either way, it seemed to make more sense. As such, I enjoyed the movie more. Is it better than the first one? No. Is it better than the third? No. However, it's now closer than it was before. I guess that's something.

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500 v. 0.7

The instructor looked to where Derek was supposed to be found. Instead, he saw nothing there. The spheres were gone. Derek was nowhere to be seen. And there was another bird missing.

The instructor sighed. "I don't think that his father is going to take this very well," he said to the empty room.

************

Derek's brain started taking stock of his situation. He felt very odd, although he knew that, for some reason, he ought to be feeling very dead. It then occurred to him that perhaps feeling dead meant that you felt very odd. He would have to test that hypothesis some day. If he wasn't already dead, of course. Otherwise, the point was moot. It was then that he realized that his eyes were still closed. He inverted that situation. The first thing that he saw was a yellow ball over his head. Hmm. A main-sequence, medium-sized star. How utterly boring.

His mind tried to piece together some form of what had happened. He was following his instructor's orders, just like always. He was about to attach the connector to siphon off the Resheph. Since it had been a double conversion, that amount of energy would have powered everything for at least a year. The bird got loose. He had reached for the bird. Now he was here, under some very warm--but quite boring--yellow star. But that star was suddenly blocked by a shadow.

"You OK?" a small voice was asking him.

"Of course I'm fine." Another oddity: His voice sounded different. Maybe it was some backlash from the bird hitting the energy.

"You don't look fine," the voice continued. "Otherwise, why would you by lying down on the ground?"

The ground. That explains why he was staring up at the yellow ball. "I wanted to take a nap."

"Mama says that if you want to take a nap, you should go to your own room."

"I'll keep that in mind next time."

The voice giggled and the blockage of the star was gone. Finally, some peace to think.

He had been reaching for the bird. There shouldn't have been much danger from the Resheph, just a slight shock. After all, the Neshef had been completely condensed out of the sphere, hadn't it? What if it had not?

"You all right there, buddy?" A new blockage of the star. This time, larger and with a deeper voice.

"Why do people keep asking me that? I'm fine. Go away."

"'Fraid I can't do that. You're blocking the sidewalk. You need to move somewhere else."

Derek was getting annoyed. "I am perfectly comfortable right where I am. You shall now leave."

"Seriously, you need to move. We can't have you laying there. You're a hazard to others. Now let's move it along. Right now."

"Don't you know who I am?" Derek screamed.

"Of course I do, Frank."

End of introduction.

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Give Me a Break

Life has been busy and tiring lately. Part of the tiring half of that is my own fault. I have a tendency to stay up much later than I should, including Thursday game night. You see, some years ago, Anne and I made a decision that each of us needs to have some time each week to ourselves. With Anne currently being a work at home mom, she especially needs time away from the children, as her job doesn't currently accrue vacation time, though there have been rumors of a union starting to organize.

Anyway, every Wednesday night I'm in charge of the kids while Anne gets to head out of the house or go upstairs and watch a movie or whatever. The biggest thing is that I'm in charge of the kids, and she's not needing to be concerned with them at all. At least in theory. My night is Thursdays. I'm a natural home body. My idea of a great vacation is a few days away from work and sitting around the house doing as little as possible except for spending time with family, reading, and doing stuff on the computer. It stems from when I was growing up, and we had dairy cattle so we couldn't go anywhere. So when Thursday nights come around and the kids are in bed, I make my way to the computer. It started with just myself, but then I realized that Frederick III might have free nights as well. Or at least that the kids might be in bed over there. I called him up, investing a few cell phone minutes. He was interested. After a couple of weeks of playing Diablo II, F3 had the suggestion of including his brother-in-law in the game as well. Through the magic of Skype, we were able to talk and socialize while enjoying the cathartic experience of smacking pixellated creatures with a virtual mace. A good time was had by all. We've since added another of F3's brothers-in-law. He currently only has one BIL that isn't playing with us. Which is fine with me. See, I've known his BILs prior to their joining the game, so it's all good. Let's hope that's the last time that I use the phrase "it's all good" in my writing. Ever.

Since we don't start until after 9 (9:30 if F3 is running late) and we want to get some good, quality gaming time in, we usually play until about midnight. Or so. We thought that we'd have a hard cap of midnight, but it's really turned into a soft cap. The big thing is getting to a good stopping point so that we can pick up very easily next time.

What's the point? Time to unwind. Time to spend with friends. More importantly, it's so that I get more time with my family. That might initially seem counter-intuitive, but you need to understand my personality. Before having that definite time to play games, a hobby that I've enjoyed since we would go to Pizza Hut and I'd play their Pole Position game, I'd try to sneak away for a few minutes here and there whenever I could. This meant that I had less time to spend with family. I have a personality that takes things that I like to excess. This way, I know that I'm going to have time to play games for an extended period of time, so I don't have to worry about sneaking it in when I should be spending time with my family.

I highly recommend doing something like this in any marriage. I know that it's helped ours.

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500 v. 0.6

Immediately after the final quarter-turn on the second set of knobs, the room filled with a deafening silence. At that precise moment, there was a pulse of white light so brief and so intense, one might not even be able to differentiate it from a blink.



Derek looked up to find both birds suspended in midair, surrounded by a familiar sphere of translucent blue energy he had only previously seen in textbooks.




He stepped away from the control station, jaw slightly dropped, and fought the urge to reach out and grab one of the spheres. He had enough training time to remember that while you could only see the blue energy, there was an invisible sphere of energy around the orb that was quite unstable, and if it was disrupted, it would send a shockwave through whatever organic substance touched it so powerful that it would completely vaporize it. Then there would be no unfortunate ash heap.



“Well done,” the instructor calmly encouraged. “Well done indeed. We haven’t had two Resheph Spheres contained in this lab for three lunar years. Stand there while I start the condenser to stabilize and dissipate the Nesheph layer.”



Resheph and nesheph were the aptly named layers of energy that created the blue spheres that held the birds suspended in time. They were terms from the old language adopted into the current era of technology and science. Defined, the root sheph literally means "light." "Good Light" and "Evil Light" respectively is how the Ancients would interpret the terms. Anything in the physical world that could be seen was good, and anything in the physical world that could not been seen was considered evil, or deceptive, if you will.



These things in science needed some term to describe them, and silly as they sometimes came out, the old language was rife with words that nobody used anymore.



A small pole lowered from the ceiling over each one of the daises. Mounted on the end of each one of the poles was a small inverted pyramid of condensed carbon. The condenser attracted the Nesheph layer of energy, focused it on the carbon pyramid, and dissipated it in small, focused sparks of light--much like a sparkler looks like on the Fourth of July, but at a slightly slower pace.



Not realizing how close he was to the remaining bird specimens, Derek removed his safety goggles to wipe some sweat from his brow. As the hand with the recently removed eye protection swung to his side, the elastic strap from the goggles caught one of the jars and knocked it to the floor. The glass shattered and the bird took off in flight to make a quick escape directly over one of the Resheph spheres.



“Nooooooooooooooo!!!!!” was all Derek could shout as he reached for the bird. The sparkler stopped. The room seemed to distort as the Nesheph pulsated spastically.



The instructor looked up from the controls in the small room where he had been operating the Nesheph Condenser.

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500 V. 0.5

It was at this moment that Derek remembered that he had forgotten to put his safety goggles back over his eyes. He reached one hand up to put them back in place. This was the latest in his list of mistakes on the day.

"No!" yelled the instructor, reaching for the knob that Derek's hand was supposed to be turning at that moment. He had gotten it only a quarter turn around when the light flashed again. The gorilla chorus that had been unified on a single note now broke in to hundreds of discordant tones. There was a new pile of dust on the dais. The instructor sighed heavily.

"Derek, I think this has been too easy on you."

"Too easy?" Derek replied, incredulous. "I have yet to succeed. How could it possibly be too easy?"

"You're letting your mind wander instead of focusing on the task at hand. Let's try it again, but this time, we'll use both platforms."

"That's impossible! Both platforms simultaneously is reserved for the most seasoned of operators. You can't honestly think that I..."

"That will be quite enough!" The instructor interrupted sharply. "You will do what you are told when you are told it, child."

Instead of being chastised, Derek straightened his back and tilted his chin in a show of defiance. "Child? Need I remind you," he said, "of our relative stations?"

The instructor showed no anger. No emotion. "In this room," he said quietly, "your station has no meaning. My word is law here. Now, you will attempt both platforms, or you will resign as my apprentice."

"We both know that isn't an option."

"Therefore, your choice is clear."

Derek stared at the instructor for a moment longer. The instructor's eyebrows rose in a pantomimed Well? Derek strode over to the collection of birds, selecting two quite energetic creatures that had spent the last half hour flapping in their jars, searching for an escape. He placed on one each raised platform and walked over to the controls. He was about to reach for the wheel that initialized the system when the instructor cleared his throat. Derek looked quickly over at him, throwing a glare at the instructor. The old man just grinned slightly and tapped his safety goggles which were already in place over his eyes. Derek grumbled wordlessly to himself and pulled the goggles over his eyes.

Derek grabbed the first set of control wheels. This time, instead of turning the knobs smoothly to their stopping points, he would turned them a quarter rotation and swiftly moved his hands to another identical set slightly to the right and copy the same motion. A quarter turn, change to the other set, another quarter turn. The chorus of gorillas began singing once again, but with an intensity that dwarfed their previous effort. Sweat formed on Derek's brow as his hands were moving from one control to another.

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Random Thoughts, Vol. 3

• Should I be worried that when my daughter is wearing her pink sunglasses, she strangely makes me think of Kurt Cobain? She has that same straight blond hair for one thing, I guess.
• Except that she's sober and alive, of course.
• Today's sign that I'm getting old: I went over to a friend's house for a gaming night (he just purchased a Wii) the other day. It was a lot of fun. However, it's now two days later, and my shoulders are still sore.
• That reminds me: I'm out of shape as well as getting old.
• There are few things in this world that are as sad - in the completely superficial and selfish sense - as an empty bowl of ice cream.
• Of course, if your stomach is hanging out of the front of your XXL Styxx shirt, you might want to consider skipping Cold Stone for the evening.
• John in Poughkeepsie! Hello!
• I was out for a walk this morning and saw tons of ants all over the side walk. I think there's something brewing...
• ...and I, for one, welcome our new ant overlords.
• In case you missed the above statement, yes, I am walking for exercise. I never thought I would either. I justify it by telling myself it's a way to catch up on podcasts.
• Speaking of podcasts, currently on my list: MacBreak Weekly, 7th Son Trilogy, The Bitterest Pill.
• The NBA draft is this week. I'm much more interested in the draft than I was in the playoffs, and that's a really sad statement for the league.
  

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Geek Vs Casual Fan: Trading KG

By Gudy and Jeff Kamp

Welcome to a new feature of Pluckytown known as "The Geek Versus the Casual Fan." The point is to take someone with (hopefully) deep knowledge about a subject and have the debate go back and forth with someone who's more of a casual observer of the topic at hand.

Today's topic will be the debate about whether to trade Kevin Garnett away from the Timberwolves or to keep him for the upcoming season. With that topic in mind, here we go.

Round 1. *Ding!*

Geek: One of the biggest things to keep in mind when discussing a trade of Garnett is the fact that he's been increasingly frustrated with the organization and their continued incompetence when it comes to putting a team around KG. He wants to win. He knows he's getting towards the end of his career. He's averaged over 38 minutes per game over an 11-1/2 (because of the strike-shortened year) season career. That's a lot of wear and tear on his body. Especially when you consider how intensely he plays the game.

CF: That's the beauty of keeping him, though. I really appreciate his intensity and his unselfishness. I realize that he's probably the only tradeable asset on the Timberwolves, but he's also the only asset worth watching.

G: He's the only asset worth watching right now. This team is going nowhere with the roster as it is. They have a very nice start to the off-season by trading James for Howard, but they need to continue to wipe the slate clean as far as bad contracts go. As much as I love KG, his contract has really been the cornerstone of this franchise's being hamstrung. A trade would, hopefully, bring back a young player, an expiring contract or two to help alleviate the cap issues, and at least one draft pick, hopefully lottery. Those are the building blocks of a watchable team.

CF: Garnett is by no means over the hill. So why can't he be a part of the rebuilding project? Randy Foye, Rashad McCants, Craig Smith, and the 7th pick would do well to have a savvy veteran around to teach them the ropes. That's five players right there to mesh together in order to win some games. We have some pieces perhaps some team would be willing to add, namely Ricky Davis, and perhaps adding one or two more veterans along-side Juwan Howard to help out would be the start of a decent team.

G: I honestly think that, at this point in his career, Ricky Davis is considered by most to be really damaged goods. He's had six teams in nine years and has garnered a reputation of being a bit of a head case and a guy who only gives full effort some of the time. I'm really concerned that McCants is starting to lean towards being a bust, along with the fact that he and Foye are essentially the same player from the standpoint of being a combo guard that relies on quickness and doesn't have the greatest defense. The problem for McCants is that Foye is turning out to be the better player. I completely agree about having a savvy veteran around for the younger players. That's why it's great to have Howard in the fold. He can be a calming influence on these young men and put an arm around them when they screw up, whereas Garnett is more likely to stare holes through their heads with his sheer intensity - a trait (the intensity) that I admire in Garnett and that works great on a veteran team, which the Timberwolves aren't and can't be because of the cap purgatory they're in.

CF: Davis may be "damaged goods" and he may have a reputation, but he does one thing in this league well, and that's score points in bunches. There will always be someone to pay him for that. Moving him, and perhaps one of the other stiffs, would be more beneficial than keeping him, shipping Garnett, and having even more youthful inexperience for Juwan to babysit. I'm sure Howard is at a point in his career where he's fine being somewhat of a team leader, but I'm not sure he wants to be the go-to-guru that he'd have to be as the old man on a young team.

G: The problem is that we have no idea what the Wolves would be able to get for Davis. Most likely, it'd be some other team's baggage/bad contract that doesn't help what the Wolves' main problem remains: age and salary cap. We know what we'd get back for KG based on the proposed deal from the Celtics, to which they agreed in principle: a young, rising post player (Jefferson); an expiring deal (Ratliff/Szczerbiak); getting rid of more baggage (Hudson); and a very high draft pick (5th overall), which could very easily turn into the player that I covet most for the Wolves in Corey Brewer. That fills many of the needs of this team in one deal. Granted, the only one who would give the Wolves, currently with one of the worst GMs in the league in McHale, such a deal is one of the other worst GMs in the league in Danny Ainge. Of course, we can only dream about that deal now, since Garnett's agent stamped down that possibility.

CF: Well, the question we need to be asking is: Is Garnett/Brewer/Whoever we'd get for the baggage better than Brewer/#7/Jefferson/expiring contracts? If the answer is yes, we shouldn't trade Garnett, because there is the definite possibility of Brewer falling to us at #7, and we wouldn't have to move KG.

G: The likelihood of Brewer falling to 7 is pretty low. Our own mock draft, as "homerish" as we can be, didn't have Brewer falling to the Wolves. It's much more likely that he goes 5 or 6. If the trade was able to be made, we'd be looking at a starting lineup of Foye/Brewer/Hassell (or maybe Jarik)/Jefferson/Blunt. That's not even mentioning the #7 pick, which could very well be Spencer Hawes to man the middle or Jeff Green to take the small forward position away from Hassell/Jarik. That's a very nice and athletic young team that might take a year or two to start to come into their own, but by that time, the Wolves will be out from the cap troubles and able to sign a mid- to high-tier free agent. That, to me, is much better than a team with horrible cap issues and a rapidly-aging star who frightens everyone around him with his intensity.

CF: The fact that we'd HAVE to be starting Hassell in that situation is enough to make me cringe. A young, developing team does not need to be having an offensive liability making up 20% of it's starting lineup. Hassell needs to be coming off the bench as a defensive stopper. Also, Hawes scares me a bit, as he hasn't fully developed, and might not. What if he's all he's ever going to be? If we're moving a proven, elite, scoring big man for a good big man (Jefferson) and a completely unproven one (Hawes), that seems like a step down to me.

G: Compare apples to apples: Jefferson isn't that far off from Garnett's numbers last year. (J/G) - Minutes: (33.6/39.5) Pts: (16.5/22.4) FG%: (51.4/41.6) Reb: (11/10.4) Assists: (1.3/4.1). And you have to factor in that Jefferson is nine years younger than KG with his best years yet ahead of him. I want to have a team with a young, talented nucleus that can grow together. Of course, that means we have to trust management to draft and sign free agents correctly.

CF: And that's where I finally agree with you. In the end it all comes down to trust. Or lack thereof. I don't trust management to make any correct decisions, and so I'd rather just sit tight in my comfort zone with KG.

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500 v. 0.4

The instructor sighed. "Try again," he said, replacing the earlier sarcasm with the patience of a man accustomed to teaching students who took a bit of time to come around. A hint of command came through his voice.

"This will be the fifth time," snapped the young man without any patience. "It won't work."

"Derek," said the instructor, "Now is not a time to doubt yourself. Now is a time to be sure and certain. Now is a time to understand that we have an important task ahead of us. Now is a time to stop thinking, doubting, and questioning. Now is a time to act. Try again." This time there was no patience, only command.

"Now is a time that I can't stop thinking, doubting, and questioning." Derek thought to himself. "Here we go again," he said out loud.

Lining the closest wall was an assortment of shelves full of jars which seemed to house large moths. Upon closer examination, however, these were not moths at all, but very small birds. Apart from being much smaller than most birds, and having red beaks instead of yellow, there seemed to be nothing ordinary about these creatures. Many were brown with black stripes, some were pure gray, and some were completely black with a white tip on the tail. Derek chose a particularly docile gray bird. As he removed the jar from the shelf, the bird seemed to know that it might soon end up in an ash heap. The bird began a frenzied flight inside the jar. "So much for being docile," Derek thought.

He placed the jar lid-down on the white dais and began to twist the lid. Managing to open it slightly, he quickly removed the lid and kept the small gray bird captured in the jar. On either side of the dais were two slightly crude looking contraptions. They looked as though they were supposed to act as a pair, but their lack of perfect symmetry suggested otherwise. They were made of what appeared to be bronze, but the metal was a much more orange than brown. Derek turned a plastic knob clockwise on one, and counter-clockwise on the other.

A soft hum began to fill the room. Derek quickly moved back to the dais and removed the jar as the hum became louder. The small gray bird, believing itself to be finally free, attempted to fly any direction it could away from its current location. Just as it seemed that freedom was inevitable, the hum became a loud, clear note. The bird was captured in mid-flight with its wings and talons spread.

"Excellent," commented the instructor. "Proceed."

More knobs awaited Derek. As he turned each one in a memorized pattern, the hum became louder and still more clear. It was as though gorillas had decided to form a choir and sing one pitch without ceasing. Derek was about to push himself past the point of no return.

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List Dominated Society: Cartoon Theme Songs

Continuing with a theme from an earlier post, today we are going to explore what should be another controversial topic: Cartoon Theme Songs. The one caveat is that these cartoons are all pre-2000. I haven't had much time for cartoons since, much to my dismay.

I don't think that there's a person I know who has watched as much cartoons as I have. This is both a boast and a lament. It's also the product of two different things: (A) I've watched and incredibly ridiculous amount of television in my 27 years on Planet Earth, and (2) I don't know that many people. With these in mind, here are what I deem to be the best cartoon theme songs of my youth. Feel free to disagree...just know that you're wrong if you do. :o)

7. Captain Planet: This is both a dark horse candidate and the exception to the rule. While most theme songs are played during the opening credits, you have to wait to the ending credits to hear this remarkable song that starts off, "Captain Planet, he's our hero, gonna take pollution down to zero." Excellent stuff.

6. Smurfs: Best use of La's...ever. The link is to the actual theme song. Make sure you take the time to watch the opening show sequence, which is the top related video.

5. Duck Tales: "Life is like a hurricane, here..in..duck..berg.." Come on, you're already singing along, aren't you?

4. Gummi Bears: I love this song. Seriously. It's just happy.

3. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Besides being a kickin' tune, it provides you with some solid background information on the main characters. We learn that Leonardo leads, Donatello does machines, Raphael is cool but rude, and Michaelangelo is a party dude. Good to know.

2. Animaniacs: This might be the funniest cartoon ever, after Wile E. Coyote & Roadrunner of course, and I still know all the lyrics to the opening theme.

2. The Simpsons: The Simpsons perfected the random ending theme & variations to their theme song, and this link is quite possibly the best of the intros.

1. Ren & Stimpy: The top two themes on this list don't have words, and sadly the top theme doesn't even have a link. I was unable to find an adequate video or sound clip to link to, but this song is totally awesome. If you don't know it, just trust me.

Honorable Mention: Tale Spin and DarkWing Duck were not included, as they were spin-offs of Duck Tales and I was trying to get a good variety of shows represented here. It's just not fair if the same people are over-populating a meaningless list like this. Pinky & the Brain was also omitted for the same reason as it was a spin-off of Animaniacs. I desperately tried to figure out how Thundercats would fit in, but it just doesn't. It turns out that all I really wanted to do was reference "thunder, Thunder, THUNDERCATS, Hoooooooooooooo!" And I just did.

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On Anticipation

We've all experienced it. The movie that we've been seeing previews about for months. The CD of your favorite band that has that one fantastic single they've been playing on the radio. The laptop for which you've been saving your money for months. Finally, the day arrives. You rush home and rip open the package. Sometimes, it meets all of your expectations. Sometimes, you're disappointed in the final product, and the disappointment is all the more bitter because of how much emotional investment you had in the source of your disappointment. For my kids, they looked forward to Halloween while I dreaded it to a certain extent. ("Yes, they do look cute in their outfits. They're five and two. No, we don't live in the neighborhood. We're from Hawaii. Honest.") I had a bit of anticipation recently where I was looking forward to reading a comic book that I had borrowed from the library that I had heard about for a long time. It was The Long Halloween by Jeph Loeb and Tim Sale.

Don't know who Jeph Loeb or Tim Sale are? That's OK. You might be familiar with some of their work, though. Tim's artwork can be seen prominently displayed throughout the first season of the series Heroes. Every painting that Isaac did in the show was actually done by Tim Sale. Why did they use Tim's artwork? Well, one of the executive producers on Heroes was Jeph Loeb. He also was one of the writers on the series. He also worked on a couple of little series that you may be familiar with: Smallville and Lost. He also wrote both Teen Wolf movies, but we won't go in to that.

Anyway, I had heard about Batman: The Long Halloween for quite some time. It's the sequel to Frank Miller's Batman: Year One which chronicles some of the early adventures of the Dark Knight. I had gotten a large stack of graphic novels from the local library with Halloween being among them. I had determined to read it last, however, since I like to save the best for last. I had some concern that I would be let down. Would it live up to the expectations? The hype? I remember when I watched Pulp Fiction for the first time. Everyone had been talking about it for months. We listened to the soundtrack while lifting weights in school. Finally, I was able to watch the movie. I didn't like it at all. Sure, it had a couple of memorable lines, but it just wasn't a movie that I liked at all. Would Haloween be the same? No, it wouldn't.

Halloween is comics story telling at its finest. Loeb and Sale weave a dark crime noir story within Batman's Gotham City surrounding a series of murders done on holidays. They play with all of the heavy-hitters of Batman's rouges gallery - the Joker, Catwoman, Poison Ivy, Scarecrow - while we see the clues unravel and see certain characters' sanity unravel. There were several legitimate surprise twists that I didn't see coming at all. It was well worth the wait.

The thing about anticipation is that when your expectations are met instead of being shorted, it almost brings about feelings a relief instead of joy. Another one of those human nature sort of things, I guess. Maybe we just need to not allow ourselves to anticipate things so much. I'm going to start that right after I finally have enough to purchase my laptop.

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500 v. 0.3

First Section


Previous Section



Frank blushed, smiled, and shrugged sequentially. He bid farewell to Chuck, squinted at his watch and continued his sullen march down the street, this time with more focus and purpose in his step. Not only was he about to be shut down, financially speaking, by a large electronics store, but now some jerk who knew his name was going to be dropping his name at the mayor’s office.




He made a mental note to put forth more of an effort to keeping his thoughts to himself. He made a second mental note to stop talking to himself out loud. The third mental note he made had something to do with buying a loaf of bread, a gallon of milk, and a stick of butter at the convenience store on the corner. A fourth mental note was mostly unintelligible, but certainly worried Frank more than the previous three.



Frank picked up the pace of his stride, and was so lost in his thoughts that he walked right past his apartment building. He definitely wasn’t ready to be cooped up in his empty one bedroom living space after the events of this day. Fresh air was going to be the only thing that would help him sort out his thoughts right now. Well, fresh air and a cheeseburger. And a strawberry shake. And some onion rings.


He walked for two or three blocks more, and turned down an alley way. The alley was just like any alley you’d find in small-town America. One side was lined by a solid brick wall of a building whose previous owner had thought it wise or interesting to paint it some unusual shade of blue. The other side of the alley was lined by some kind of vine that had long since won its battle with a ten-foot wooden fence. A yellow and black butterfly was suddenly bobbing around Frank’s head.



The driver of a car passing by in the opposite direction failed to notice that said alley way was completely empty two seconds after Frank had turned down it, save for a small yellow and black butterfly.

Meanwhile, in a place quite some distance from Guernsey, North Dakota, a young man with pointy ears removed his goggles after the flash of light had subsided. His hair was singed, and soot covered his face.



“Well, that went well,” An older gentleman who appeared to be an instructor or mentor sarcastically commented. The marks on his sleeve identified that he was, in fact, an instructor.



“Perhaps next time, I should supply the barbecue sauce and some tongs,” the instructor continued dryly.



The young man did not reply. Perhaps he did not hear the gentleman because of the ringing in his ears. Perhaps he chose to dwell on his own perceived failure, and silently acknowledged his instructor’s tone. Whatever the case, the young man stared down at a pile of soot on the center of a solid white dais where a small flying creature had rested moments before.

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Yaaarrrrrr!

Anne and I seem to develop traditions with movies. During the run of Lord of the Rings movies, we would go to see the current one during Christmas with at least part of Anne's family. It was a lot of fun, but left us with a bit of a hollow feeling when they were all done. Then, we went and saw the second Pirates of the Carribean movie with some friends of ours. At that point, Anne was expecting Squeaker. This time around, they were expecting. If they make another one, we're going to have to flip for who's going to be expecting at that time. Vegas currently has odds saying that it'll probably be me.

Anyway, we were all a bit disappointed with the second film. It seemed to me to be a series of events put in place to be able to get from one gigantic set-piece to another. There was a lack of the solid and coherent story that made us care about any of the characters that we fell in love with in the first film. A good summation of the situation was done by the brilliant people at Ask a Ninja. Check out their review of the second film.

I'm a completist. If I have one album of a group that I really like, I try to collect them all. If I have one graphic novel of a series, I try to get them all. If I watch one movie, I try to see them all. Such was the case with The Matrix, even though I saw that the series was very quickly going downhill. To a certain extent, when you were disappointed with the second movie in a series, it helps the third movie by lowering expectations. You aren't necessarily expecting to watch a fantastic movie, so there's no let-down. This helped Pirates of the Carribean: At World's End.

All of the major characters are back: Jack Sparrow (excuse me, Captain Jack Sparrow), Elizabeth Swann, Will Turner, and their crew. Elizabeth and Will are charged with the task of retrieving Jack Sparrow from Davy Jones's locker. I was disappointed that they didn't have a Monkey's song playing when they were there, but such is life. They are opposed by Lord Bennet and Davey Jones himself, who has really let himself go since the sixties. OK, I'm done with the same name jokes.

Ultimately, I think that the best thing I can say about the third pirates movie is that it's significantly better than the second film. For one thing, the third move has an actual plot, which was a nice change of pace. It's also significantly darker than either of the first two films and has the gigantic, epic battle that's becoming standard in these sorts of movies. However, it still doesn't nearly approach the classic (yes, I said "classic") that the original film was. To a certain extent, they should have just left the first move to stand on its own without creating sequels. I think we all would have been happier for it.

Final Verdict: two-and-a-half large, floppy hats out of five.

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NBA Mock Draft

Not to be confused with our Mockery of a Mock Draft, Kamp and Gudy have decided to actually try to predict, prognosticate, foretell, or guess at the actual outcome of the upcoming NBA draft. This should be interesting, because Gudy knows very little about the NBA, and is rather annoyed by the league, and Kamp's feelings are pretty evident as well. The format will be much like our Viking's Draft Recap, except Kamp will be taking the odd numbered picks, and Gudy will be taking the even ones. Each pick will be made one at a time, with the selector explaining his pick, the other responding to that, and finally the selector responding to the response. We hope you enjoy!

1. Portland - Greg Oden, C, Ohio State University
   
• Kamp - The temptation is to say that they should select Kevin Durant based on the fact that they have LaMarcus Aldridge and Zach Randolph to play on the front line, and they could use perimeter help. However, Aldridge is young and talented enough to play the 3, and they could use a solid center to rebound and play defense, which we know Oden can do well. Any offense they get from him can be viewed as a bonus.
• Gudy - I believe that for a rebuilding team like the Blazers, the right move is to trade Randolph during this off-season or next, and to build around Oden, Roy, and Aldridge. This is pretty much a no-brainer.
  
• Kamp - I don't know why it is, but I keep forgetting about Roy on this team. He's a great player in the making. With the addition of Oden, Portland has a great young nucleus of players.
  
2. Seattle - Kevin Durant, SF, Texas
• Gudy - The temptation here is to see Portland without a swingman, and with Aldridge and Randolph already manning the paint. Seattle doesn't really have a viable big man, but I think Rashard Lewis' time is limited with Seattle, and Durant makes a nice combo with Ray Allen and has a good point guard in Luke Ridnour to get him the ball.
• Kamp - Durant actually fits in with what Seattle likes to do better than Oden. Oden would run out of gas in a big hurry in the up-and-down style that Seattle plays. The problem, of course, is that if Seattle takes Durant and keeps Lewis, who plays/guards the likes of Garnett, Duncan, and Nowitzki in the West?
  
• Gudy - That's why I think they let Lewis walk...I don't think it really fits into their philosophy to keep both of them on the same team...plus, I just read that Lewis opted out of his contract, so he is officially a free agent now.
  
3. Atlanta - Al Horford, PF, Florida
• Kamp - What we decided to do in this mock draft is to make those picks that we would make if we were the team. Horford comes from a winning program that prided itself on working together as a team. Hopefully, he can help solidify an Atlanta team that has been in disarray for years now. Mike Conley, Jr., could also be the pick here.
  
• Gudy - If Atlanta really has their eye on Conley, I'm wondering if they'd consider trading down a few spots to take him. I can see someone falling in love with Horford or the Chinese guy and putting something together to move up to this spot.
  
• Kamp - I don't usually like the idea of moving down when the player that you want is there. If you really like Conley, take him even if you think that you could get him a few picks later, because you can't be certain that he'll still be there.
  
4. Memphis - Brandon Wright, F, North Carolina
• Gudy - This is another team with a distinct PG need, although I still don't think anyone is ready to reach for Conley yet. Wright and Horford are going back-to-back in most mocks on the internet, and if Horford is gone when Memphis picks, I could see them going Wright here.
• Kamp - I don't know that Wright is a good pick for them here unless they're moving Pau, which is a real possibility. Wright is still raw, so he gives Memphis another excuse as to why they're not winning yet.
  
• Gudy - I pretty much made this pick under the assumption of a Gasol trade. Trading Gasol means that they need to land a PG, though. If Chicago is still in the running for Gasol, I could see Ben Gordon as a real possibility, although he's not really a true PG.
  
5. Boston - Yi Jianlian, FC, China
• Kamp - I have to admit that even though I'm the one making the pick, I'm not that crazy about it. It's a very high risk/high reward sort of pick which I don't normally like teams making (e.g. Ndudi Ebi). At the same time, the only centers that the Celtics have on the team right now are Olowakandi and Ratliff. Most of the other positions have established people (Jefferson, Pierce, and Szczerbiak, for instance). Again, Conley is another possibility.
• Gudy - Looking it over, my guess is that Jianlian could end up going to Memphis as well, but this pick makes sense for the Celtics. He's starting to get the same type of buzz that Andrea Bargnani had going into last years draft, and if he plays scrappy, the C's might not have to wait so long for him.
  
• Kamp - Boston has plenty of time to wait, though. They seem to be perfectly happy to make questionable move after questionable move and not have the pressure put on anyone to win games. Usually, it's exactly the opposite. It's interesting to me that we have three former Celtics players in positions of authority in the league right now (Bird, Ainge, and McHale) that seem to have managed to not learn anything from Red Aurbach during their time in Boston.
  
6. Milwaukee - Corey Brewer, SF, Florida
• Gudy - While my dreams have him sliding one more pick to the T-Wolves, Brewer is a logical pick for Milwaukee with Mo Williams and Michael Redd at the 1 & 2, and Charlie Villanueva and Andrew Bogut at 4 & 5. Brewer slides in as a defensive stopper/slasher at the 3, and really provides this team with a new dimension.
• Kamp - Fantastic pick for the Bucks. In a relatively short period of time, they've assembled a great group of young players to be a solid core for many years to come. Makes me wonder how they're going to screw it up, but I digress. Brewer strikes me as the kind of player who wants to do whatever it takes to have his team win. From defense to shooting threes and everything in between, he just wants to help the team.
  
• Gudy - Brewer brings a lot to the table. He's an amazing athlete, he's a winner, and I've heard him described as "Trenton Hassell with useful basketball skills."
  
7. Minnesota - Jeff Green, SF, Georgetown
• Kamp - There have been a lot of rumblings about the possibility of taking Conley here, but that doesn't make a whole lot of sense for a very guard heavy team like the Timberwolves unless they can move Mike James and one of McCants/Foye for some front-court help. That's not to say that I'd prefer to have Conley over Green, though. Green really makes sense for the team in need of youth in the front court to help out KG. Green is very much like Brewer in that he wants to help the team win.
• Gudy - I'm not sure I agree with this pick. If Brewer is gone, I'm probably hoping for Joakim Noah in this situation. Another one I'd personally rather have than Jeff Green would be Julian Wright. But I'm usually wrong about the NBA, so maybe this is a good pick.
  
• Kamp - The only stats in which Wright is better than Green are FG% and rebounding along with being an inch taller. I really liked what I saw from Green during the whole NCAA tourney, not just the Final Four. Green is a better scorer and passer. That's why he's the pick. Also, because I forgot about Wright, to be honest. That would have made the pick more difficult to make, but I still think that Green's the better pick for the Wolves.
  
8. Charlotte - Julian Wright, SF, Kansas
• Gudy - He seems like a good fit for Charlotte, especially since the Bobcats are in an almost identical situation with Gerald Wallace as the Sonics are in with Rashard Lewis. He's an unselfish player with exceptional passing skills for a forward, teaming him up with Raymond Felton will help this team maximize their scoring potential by finding easy points on each possession. He's not an offensive liability either, and since he's better at scoring in the post, he may also take some pressure off of Emeka Okafor and help prevent him from being the next Ben Wallace. How's that for name dropping?
• Kamp - Wright is a nice upgrade from Wallace, who had done nothing in the league until, surprise, it was his contract year. He's another guy who's following in the footsteps of Tim Thomas. Charlotte is another team that has a good young core. If only they could get Sean May to care.
  
• Gudy - May's presence was what kept me from going big with Joakim Noah. He still remains a possibility here.
  
9. Chicago - Joakim Noah, PF, Florida
• Kamp - I hate having to make this pick. I had promised myself that I wouldn't pick Noah under any circumstances. However, it makes sense at this point since the Bulls need some young size in the low post which Noah would provide. Now, I must explain. I have inexplicably been convinced that Noah will be the new millennium's version of Christian Laetner. He just strikes me that way.
  
• Gudy - Noah makes sense here, because the Bulls don't really have any players on their team already who are defensive specialists/energy guys that can't play offense. He probably would've been a better fit in Sac-town.
  
• Kamp - I'm detecting the sarcasm in your voice. The thing of it is, though, that Noah is about 20 years younger than Ben Wallace looked for a good portion of this year. He fits in better with the Bulls and their current youth movement (Hinrich, Gordon, Deng, Nocioni, Thomas). Also, I think it's a bit of an exaggeration to say that he has no offense.
  
10. Sacramento - Mike Conley, Jr., PG, The Ohio State University
• Gudy - While the Kings probably need to find someone to fill their front line out, it's too tough to pass Conley up here. You get the replacement for Bibby that they've been longing, and Bibby is a very tradeable piece that might bring the size they covet anyway.
• Kamp - If they can get any value for Bibby, then it's a great pick. Otherwise, it makes no sense since Bibby is the best player on the team that's not certifiably crazy.
  
• Gudy - They've been shopping him for two or three seasons now...if they are going to move him, they'll do it with Conley in the fold.
  
11. Atlanta - Jarvis Crittendon, G, Georgia Tech
• Kamp - If this is the way that things pan out, then Atlanta is upset that Conley just went off the board. They would have been ecstatic if he would have fallen to their second pick. As it is, they'll settle for the project that is Javaris Crittenton. He needs to improve the assist/turnover ratio a bit, but he should have fun running with the other very skinny people in Atlanta. I'm looking at you, Josh Smith.
• Gudy - This is a surprising move with Acie Law still on the board, but it actually fits with what Atlanta has done in the past...questionable moves.
  
• Kamp - And that was the decider for me. I was going back and forth between Jarvis and Acie. The thing that tipped the scales was the fact that it's Atlanta.
  
12. Philadelphia - Spencer Hawes, C, Washington
• Gudy - On a squad that is in all-out rebuilding mode, Hawes makes a lot of sense, since they already have a decent guard in Andre Iguodala. This adds another dimension to their offense.
• Kamp - At this point for Philly, they just need warm bodies that can play. The question for Hawes is can he add the strength that he'll need to play the 82 games of an NBA season? After all, he's nearly seven feet tall, but only weighs in at 250.
  
• Gudy - Plus, this would theoretically give Philly a formidable front line with Hawes and Dalembert. I say theoretically because they both might amount to nothing.
  
13. New Orleans/OKC - Al Thornton, SF, Florida St.
• Kamp - Chris Paul gets a running mate in form of a very athletic small forward. This will give David West some help in the paint as well, if Thornton can get the offensive rebounds and put-backs.
• Gudy - I think this is a fairly safe pick for New Orleans. They're probably a team that just needs to add talented players and depth.
  
• Kamp - Talent is what Thornton gives them. His pro comparison is Shawn Marion. That's a good bit of talent.
  
14. LA Clippers - Acie Law IV, PG, Texas A&M
• Gudy - Let's see...Shaun Livingston has a catastrophic injury right now...Sam Cassell is um, Sam Cassell, and he's out the door soon anyway. This pick makes sense.
• Kamp - Very good pick for the Clippers. While I wasn't that impressed with what Law did during the the tourney, he still should be able to become a good point guard for the Clippers. Hopefully, he'll only learn basketball skills from Cassell instead of how to handle the business side of things.
  
• Gudy -If I'm the Clippers, in this situation I'm keeping Law as far away from Cassell as possible...and trying to keep Cassell from even knowing that they drafted him.
  
15. Detroit - Josh McRoberts, F/C, Duke
• Kamp - McRoberts does a little bit of everything. He averaged 10 points and nearly eight rebounds for the Blue Devils last year and while I can't say that he'd be a steal here, he should be a good pick for the Pistons. However, always keep in mind that he's a Blue Devil, so he's probably overrated.
  
• Gudy - This might be a reach, but it's still a solid pick...McRoberts killed his draft stock by staying in school. Perhaps he's a little more mature and savvy, though, and should be able to help out at least a little bit. Plus I'm sure he and Rasheed Wallace will be fast friends.
  
• Kamp - Even if he did kill his draft stock by staying in school another year, he ends up in a better situation than he most likely would have last year. He's going to a team that has been to five straight conference finals and he'll be able to take minutes away from the player formally known as Chris Webber.
  
16. Washington - Jason Smith, C, Colorado St.
• Gudy - I'm not exactly sure if the Brendan Haywood/Etan Thomas catfight has been resolved yet, but the Wiz could probably do with shoring up their frontcourt.
• Kamp - Adding a legit center to the Wizards will really help this team on the rise. They have their point guard for the next decade in Arenas, a very good small forward in Butler, and a very good five in Jameson.
  
• Gudy - I don't think Jameson is necessarily a five. He probably classifies as a #4, but still, I get your point.
• Kamp - Oops.
  
17. New Jersey - Thaddeus Young, SF, Georgia Tech
• Kamp - This seems to be a banner year for small forwards in the draft. Thaddeus provides New Jersey insurance for when Vince Carter decides that he's worth a lot more money than he really is and bolts the Nets.
• Gudy - And he provides insurance for when Richard Jefferson looks at himself in the mirror wrong, and throws out his back...or whatever other freak injury awaits him.
  
• Kamp - Yeah, I hate when that happens. You hate to see players who would be really, really good if they could stay healthy. See also: Baron Davis.
  
18. Golden State - Tiago Splitter, F/C, Spain
• Gudy - Not really sure where the Warriors are going here, especially after a fantastic run in the playoffs. I took Splitter because of the unknown factor, and because I'm curious what a Tiago is, and why anyone would want to split it.
• Kamp - I think it's Portugeuse for "Chad Ford loves my upside." I'm also looking forward to when he decides he's a big enough star to go down to one name. Will he go with Tiago or Splitter?
  
• Gudy - I think you would have to go with Tiago in this situation, as you potentially could have Ike Diagu (I think he's a Warrior) and some guy named Tiago.
  
19. LA Lakers - Aaron Brooks, PG, Oregon
• Kamp - The Lakers' biggest need off the court is for someone to tell Kobe to shut up and just play basketball because he's not the GM or the coach. The Lakers' biggest need on the court is a point guard. Brooks is the best one available at this point. He's quick and not horrible on the defensive end of the court. He needs to look for his teammates a little more at the net level, though, since he only averaged a little over four assists per game.
• Gudy -I'm going to guess that anyone in California is going to be more than a little wary of drafting a guy in charge of passing named Aaron Brooks. Just a hunch. At least that's why Golden State, based very near Oakland, passed him up...
  
• Kamp - Yeah, but he's trying to make a name for himself that isn't immediately followed by "is a complete failure."
  
20. Miami - Nick Young, G/F, USC
• Gudy - This is the highest pick left on CNNsi.com's mock draft that we haven't taken yet. I don't know much about him, but he went at #11 over there. If he's still available, it seems like a logical pick for the aging Heat to just take the best player left on the board.
• Kamp - The Heat are continually digging themselves an ever-deeper hole by going for aging veterans and trading away all their youth. Of course, it's gotten them an NBA championship, so what do I know?
  
• Gudy - That's a good debate to get going...What's more valuable, one championship, or several year of enduring greatness where you may not win the championship?
  
21. Philadelphia - Rodney Stuckey, G, Eastern Washington
• Kamp - At 6'4, he's able to play both guard spots and averaged five assists in his Sophomore campaign. There's always a bit of risk in selecting smaller-school players, because you can never be too certain if they're that good of a player, or if they just excelled against inferior opponents. At the same time, let's not mince words. Philly is terrible and needs all the help it can get.
• Gudy - As we delve further into this draft, we are increasing the percentage of players I've never heard of. So, I'm just going to agree with you on this one.
  
• Kamp - As it should be, my friend. As it should be.
  
22. Charlotte - Alando Tucker, F, Wisconsin
• Gudy - I waffled on this one a bit. It was between Tucker and Afflalo, and ultimately I went with Tucker because Charlotte could really use a mature player who's ready to contribute. Tucker is certainly that. While I doubt he'll ever be a star in this league, he should at least be a useful player who can make a positive contribution to the Bobcats.
• Kamp - Didn't we just give Charlotte a small forward a few picks ago? Let me check. (scroll, scroll, scroll). Yes, we did. What they needed at this spot was the best shooting guard available. I'm disappointed by this pick. Mainly because I wanted to cause controversy.
  
• Gudy - Again, this pick was about adding talent that's ready to contribute. Julian Wright is a project. Alando Tucker is what he is.
  
23. New York - Rudy Fernandez, G, Spain
• Kamp - Disclaimer: I have never seen this guy play. However, from looking at some of his draft profiles, he strikes me as a slightly more athletic version of Allan Houston. He definitely needs to put on some muscle, weighing in at only 172 pounds, but he can shoot and get to the hoop. After all, the Knicks need scoring.
  
• Gudy - I agree. I think.
  
• Kamp - Well, that makes one of us at least.
  
24. Phoenix - Arron Afflalo, G, UCLA
• Gudy - The Suns have two first round picks, and I see them wanting to add a shooter here, and maybe a project that they can stash away in the NBDL for a little bit. Afflalo fits the profile.
• Kamp - Why waste a first-round pick on someone you want to stash in NBDL? That's what the second round is for.
  
• Gudy - Because if you believe he has first round talent, but you don't want to waste his development time sitting on the bench, you let him play regularly in the NBDL...That's why.
  
25. Utah - Marc Gasol, C Spain
• Kamp - Utah is a team that seems to keep making the right moves. They picked up Okur, who's been a great player for them. They essentially stole Boozer from under the nose of the Cavs, and he finally gave them a full season of work. Gasol gives them a huge body in the middle to take some of the punishment and rebounding duties from Boozer. If he can score as well, bonus.
• Gudy - Plus, his name is way better than his brother's, so he's got that going for him, too.
  
• Kamp - How many times do you suppose Pau has heard "Um...you forgot and 'l'"?
26. Houston - Herbert Hill, PF, Providence
• Gudy - Just what the Rockets need: A mature big man who's ready to step in right away, contribute solid minutes, protect Yao in the paint, and hit the boards. It might be a stretch taking him here, as some people have him projected in early first round, but you draft for need, and that's what I did here.
• Kamp - Yeah, drafting for need worked out so well for the Trail Blazers in '84, didn't it?
  
• Gudy - Well, the Blazers weren't drafting 26th overall, were they?
  
27. Detroit - Marcus Williams, SG, AZ
    
• Kamp - Very good mid-range game and has a three-point shot. Not the greatest on defense, but that should be hidden on Detroit pretty well. Might play some point as well.
• Gudy - If there's any team where "not the greatest on defense" can be compensated for, it's Detroit. Now, it remains to be seen how much he can contribute.
  
• Kamp - I agree with what you said, although it's obvious that Detroit isn't what it used to be on defense. I don't think LeBron would have scored 48 against the Pistons teams with Ben Wallace in the middle.
  
28. San Antonio - Ante Tomic, C, Croatia
• Gudy - Well, they have a few dudes from America, a dude from the Virgin Islands, a dude from France, a dude from Argentina...now they'll have a dude from Croatia. Seems fitting.
• Kamp - San Antonio is one of the best internationally-scouting teams in the league. Their one big misstep was Rasho, but they didn't draft him.
  
• Gudy - I think they have a few more foreigners on the roster that I didn't mention, so this is right up their alley...unless the guy stinks, that is.
  
29. Phoenix - Morris Almond, SG, Rice
• Kamp - Not the insane athlete that one would think Phoenix would normally favor, but he's a great spot-up shooter. With Nash driving to the hoop and dishing to Almond, he should have plenty of open looks from three.
• Gudy - I have read an article that the Suns could potentially be looking at Jared Jordan, a PG out of Marist here, but that might be a reach since most people see him as a "second half of the 2nd round"-type pick.
  
• Kamp - Taking a PG wouldn't' be the worst idea in the world due to Nash's age, but they have Barbosa to spell Nash if he needs it.
  
30. Philadelphia - Gabe Pruitt, SG, USC
• Gudy - Again with the NBA-ready talent theme, Pruitt is a talented college junior, and he'll be most ready to play and contribute for a mostly talentless 76ers squad.
• Kamp - They just need warm bodies, mainly. That and a new GM.
  
• Gudy - I agree.
  

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