500 V. 0.5

It was at this moment that Derek remembered that he had forgotten to put his safety goggles back over his eyes. He reached one hand up to put them back in place. This was the latest in his list of mistakes on the day.

"No!" yelled the instructor, reaching for the knob that Derek's hand was supposed to be turning at that moment. He had gotten it only a quarter turn around when the light flashed again. The gorilla chorus that had been unified on a single note now broke in to hundreds of discordant tones. There was a new pile of dust on the dais. The instructor sighed heavily.

"Derek, I think this has been too easy on you."

"Too easy?" Derek replied, incredulous. "I have yet to succeed. How could it possibly be too easy?"

"You're letting your mind wander instead of focusing on the task at hand. Let's try it again, but this time, we'll use both platforms."

"That's impossible! Both platforms simultaneously is reserved for the most seasoned of operators. You can't honestly think that I..."

"That will be quite enough!" The instructor interrupted sharply. "You will do what you are told when you are told it, child."

Instead of being chastised, Derek straightened his back and tilted his chin in a show of defiance. "Child? Need I remind you," he said, "of our relative stations?"

The instructor showed no anger. No emotion. "In this room," he said quietly, "your station has no meaning. My word is law here. Now, you will attempt both platforms, or you will resign as my apprentice."

"We both know that isn't an option."

"Therefore, your choice is clear."

Derek stared at the instructor for a moment longer. The instructor's eyebrows rose in a pantomimed Well? Derek strode over to the collection of birds, selecting two quite energetic creatures that had spent the last half hour flapping in their jars, searching for an escape. He placed on one each raised platform and walked over to the controls. He was about to reach for the wheel that initialized the system when the instructor cleared his throat. Derek looked quickly over at him, throwing a glare at the instructor. The old man just grinned slightly and tapped his safety goggles which were already in place over his eyes. Derek grumbled wordlessly to himself and pulled the goggles over his eyes.

Derek grabbed the first set of control wheels. This time, instead of turning the knobs smoothly to their stopping points, he would turned them a quarter rotation and swiftly moved his hands to another identical set slightly to the right and copy the same motion. A quarter turn, change to the other set, another quarter turn. The chorus of gorillas began singing once again, but with an intensity that dwarfed their previous effort. Sweat formed on Derek's brow as his hands were moving from one control to another.

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Random Thoughts, Vol. 3

• Should I be worried that when my daughter is wearing her pink sunglasses, she strangely makes me think of Kurt Cobain? She has that same straight blond hair for one thing, I guess.
• Except that she's sober and alive, of course.
• Today's sign that I'm getting old: I went over to a friend's house for a gaming night (he just purchased a Wii) the other day. It was a lot of fun. However, it's now two days later, and my shoulders are still sore.
• That reminds me: I'm out of shape as well as getting old.
• There are few things in this world that are as sad - in the completely superficial and selfish sense - as an empty bowl of ice cream.
• Of course, if your stomach is hanging out of the front of your XXL Styxx shirt, you might want to consider skipping Cold Stone for the evening.
• John in Poughkeepsie! Hello!
• I was out for a walk this morning and saw tons of ants all over the side walk. I think there's something brewing...
• ...and I, for one, welcome our new ant overlords.
• In case you missed the above statement, yes, I am walking for exercise. I never thought I would either. I justify it by telling myself it's a way to catch up on podcasts.
• Speaking of podcasts, currently on my list: MacBreak Weekly, 7th Son Trilogy, The Bitterest Pill.
• The NBA draft is this week. I'm much more interested in the draft than I was in the playoffs, and that's a really sad statement for the league.
  

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Geek Vs Casual Fan: Trading KG

By Gudy and Jeff Kamp

Welcome to a new feature of Pluckytown known as "The Geek Versus the Casual Fan." The point is to take someone with (hopefully) deep knowledge about a subject and have the debate go back and forth with someone who's more of a casual observer of the topic at hand.

Today's topic will be the debate about whether to trade Kevin Garnett away from the Timberwolves or to keep him for the upcoming season. With that topic in mind, here we go.

Round 1. *Ding!*

Geek: One of the biggest things to keep in mind when discussing a trade of Garnett is the fact that he's been increasingly frustrated with the organization and their continued incompetence when it comes to putting a team around KG. He wants to win. He knows he's getting towards the end of his career. He's averaged over 38 minutes per game over an 11-1/2 (because of the strike-shortened year) season career. That's a lot of wear and tear on his body. Especially when you consider how intensely he plays the game.

CF: That's the beauty of keeping him, though. I really appreciate his intensity and his unselfishness. I realize that he's probably the only tradeable asset on the Timberwolves, but he's also the only asset worth watching.

G: He's the only asset worth watching right now. This team is going nowhere with the roster as it is. They have a very nice start to the off-season by trading James for Howard, but they need to continue to wipe the slate clean as far as bad contracts go. As much as I love KG, his contract has really been the cornerstone of this franchise's being hamstrung. A trade would, hopefully, bring back a young player, an expiring contract or two to help alleviate the cap issues, and at least one draft pick, hopefully lottery. Those are the building blocks of a watchable team.

CF: Garnett is by no means over the hill. So why can't he be a part of the rebuilding project? Randy Foye, Rashad McCants, Craig Smith, and the 7th pick would do well to have a savvy veteran around to teach them the ropes. That's five players right there to mesh together in order to win some games. We have some pieces perhaps some team would be willing to add, namely Ricky Davis, and perhaps adding one or two more veterans along-side Juwan Howard to help out would be the start of a decent team.

G: I honestly think that, at this point in his career, Ricky Davis is considered by most to be really damaged goods. He's had six teams in nine years and has garnered a reputation of being a bit of a head case and a guy who only gives full effort some of the time. I'm really concerned that McCants is starting to lean towards being a bust, along with the fact that he and Foye are essentially the same player from the standpoint of being a combo guard that relies on quickness and doesn't have the greatest defense. The problem for McCants is that Foye is turning out to be the better player. I completely agree about having a savvy veteran around for the younger players. That's why it's great to have Howard in the fold. He can be a calming influence on these young men and put an arm around them when they screw up, whereas Garnett is more likely to stare holes through their heads with his sheer intensity - a trait (the intensity) that I admire in Garnett and that works great on a veteran team, which the Timberwolves aren't and can't be because of the cap purgatory they're in.

CF: Davis may be "damaged goods" and he may have a reputation, but he does one thing in this league well, and that's score points in bunches. There will always be someone to pay him for that. Moving him, and perhaps one of the other stiffs, would be more beneficial than keeping him, shipping Garnett, and having even more youthful inexperience for Juwan to babysit. I'm sure Howard is at a point in his career where he's fine being somewhat of a team leader, but I'm not sure he wants to be the go-to-guru that he'd have to be as the old man on a young team.

G: The problem is that we have no idea what the Wolves would be able to get for Davis. Most likely, it'd be some other team's baggage/bad contract that doesn't help what the Wolves' main problem remains: age and salary cap. We know what we'd get back for KG based on the proposed deal from the Celtics, to which they agreed in principle: a young, rising post player (Jefferson); an expiring deal (Ratliff/Szczerbiak); getting rid of more baggage (Hudson); and a very high draft pick (5th overall), which could very easily turn into the player that I covet most for the Wolves in Corey Brewer. That fills many of the needs of this team in one deal. Granted, the only one who would give the Wolves, currently with one of the worst GMs in the league in McHale, such a deal is one of the other worst GMs in the league in Danny Ainge. Of course, we can only dream about that deal now, since Garnett's agent stamped down that possibility.

CF: Well, the question we need to be asking is: Is Garnett/Brewer/Whoever we'd get for the baggage better than Brewer/#7/Jefferson/expiring contracts? If the answer is yes, we shouldn't trade Garnett, because there is the definite possibility of Brewer falling to us at #7, and we wouldn't have to move KG.

G: The likelihood of Brewer falling to 7 is pretty low. Our own mock draft, as "homerish" as we can be, didn't have Brewer falling to the Wolves. It's much more likely that he goes 5 or 6. If the trade was able to be made, we'd be looking at a starting lineup of Foye/Brewer/Hassell (or maybe Jarik)/Jefferson/Blunt. That's not even mentioning the #7 pick, which could very well be Spencer Hawes to man the middle or Jeff Green to take the small forward position away from Hassell/Jarik. That's a very nice and athletic young team that might take a year or two to start to come into their own, but by that time, the Wolves will be out from the cap troubles and able to sign a mid- to high-tier free agent. That, to me, is much better than a team with horrible cap issues and a rapidly-aging star who frightens everyone around him with his intensity.

CF: The fact that we'd HAVE to be starting Hassell in that situation is enough to make me cringe. A young, developing team does not need to be having an offensive liability making up 20% of it's starting lineup. Hassell needs to be coming off the bench as a defensive stopper. Also, Hawes scares me a bit, as he hasn't fully developed, and might not. What if he's all he's ever going to be? If we're moving a proven, elite, scoring big man for a good big man (Jefferson) and a completely unproven one (Hawes), that seems like a step down to me.

G: Compare apples to apples: Jefferson isn't that far off from Garnett's numbers last year. (J/G) - Minutes: (33.6/39.5) Pts: (16.5/22.4) FG%: (51.4/41.6) Reb: (11/10.4) Assists: (1.3/4.1). And you have to factor in that Jefferson is nine years younger than KG with his best years yet ahead of him. I want to have a team with a young, talented nucleus that can grow together. Of course, that means we have to trust management to draft and sign free agents correctly.

CF: And that's where I finally agree with you. In the end it all comes down to trust. Or lack thereof. I don't trust management to make any correct decisions, and so I'd rather just sit tight in my comfort zone with KG.

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500 v. 0.4

The instructor sighed. "Try again," he said, replacing the earlier sarcasm with the patience of a man accustomed to teaching students who took a bit of time to come around. A hint of command came through his voice.

"This will be the fifth time," snapped the young man without any patience. "It won't work."

"Derek," said the instructor, "Now is not a time to doubt yourself. Now is a time to be sure and certain. Now is a time to understand that we have an important task ahead of us. Now is a time to stop thinking, doubting, and questioning. Now is a time to act. Try again." This time there was no patience, only command.

"Now is a time that I can't stop thinking, doubting, and questioning." Derek thought to himself. "Here we go again," he said out loud.

Lining the closest wall was an assortment of shelves full of jars which seemed to house large moths. Upon closer examination, however, these were not moths at all, but very small birds. Apart from being much smaller than most birds, and having red beaks instead of yellow, there seemed to be nothing ordinary about these creatures. Many were brown with black stripes, some were pure gray, and some were completely black with a white tip on the tail. Derek chose a particularly docile gray bird. As he removed the jar from the shelf, the bird seemed to know that it might soon end up in an ash heap. The bird began a frenzied flight inside the jar. "So much for being docile," Derek thought.

He placed the jar lid-down on the white dais and began to twist the lid. Managing to open it slightly, he quickly removed the lid and kept the small gray bird captured in the jar. On either side of the dais were two slightly crude looking contraptions. They looked as though they were supposed to act as a pair, but their lack of perfect symmetry suggested otherwise. They were made of what appeared to be bronze, but the metal was a much more orange than brown. Derek turned a plastic knob clockwise on one, and counter-clockwise on the other.

A soft hum began to fill the room. Derek quickly moved back to the dais and removed the jar as the hum became louder. The small gray bird, believing itself to be finally free, attempted to fly any direction it could away from its current location. Just as it seemed that freedom was inevitable, the hum became a loud, clear note. The bird was captured in mid-flight with its wings and talons spread.

"Excellent," commented the instructor. "Proceed."

More knobs awaited Derek. As he turned each one in a memorized pattern, the hum became louder and still more clear. It was as though gorillas had decided to form a choir and sing one pitch without ceasing. Derek was about to push himself past the point of no return.

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List Dominated Society: Cartoon Theme Songs

Continuing with a theme from an earlier post, today we are going to explore what should be another controversial topic: Cartoon Theme Songs. The one caveat is that these cartoons are all pre-2000. I haven't had much time for cartoons since, much to my dismay.

I don't think that there's a person I know who has watched as much cartoons as I have. This is both a boast and a lament. It's also the product of two different things: (A) I've watched and incredibly ridiculous amount of television in my 27 years on Planet Earth, and (2) I don't know that many people. With these in mind, here are what I deem to be the best cartoon theme songs of my youth. Feel free to disagree...just know that you're wrong if you do. :o)

7. Captain Planet: This is both a dark horse candidate and the exception to the rule. While most theme songs are played during the opening credits, you have to wait to the ending credits to hear this remarkable song that starts off, "Captain Planet, he's our hero, gonna take pollution down to zero." Excellent stuff.

6. Smurfs: Best use of La's...ever. The link is to the actual theme song. Make sure you take the time to watch the opening show sequence, which is the top related video.

5. Duck Tales: "Life is like a hurricane, here..in..duck..berg.." Come on, you're already singing along, aren't you?

4. Gummi Bears: I love this song. Seriously. It's just happy.

3. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Besides being a kickin' tune, it provides you with some solid background information on the main characters. We learn that Leonardo leads, Donatello does machines, Raphael is cool but rude, and Michaelangelo is a party dude. Good to know.

2. Animaniacs: This might be the funniest cartoon ever, after Wile E. Coyote & Roadrunner of course, and I still know all the lyrics to the opening theme.

2. The Simpsons: The Simpsons perfected the random ending theme & variations to their theme song, and this link is quite possibly the best of the intros.

1. Ren & Stimpy: The top two themes on this list don't have words, and sadly the top theme doesn't even have a link. I was unable to find an adequate video or sound clip to link to, but this song is totally awesome. If you don't know it, just trust me.

Honorable Mention: Tale Spin and DarkWing Duck were not included, as they were spin-offs of Duck Tales and I was trying to get a good variety of shows represented here. It's just not fair if the same people are over-populating a meaningless list like this. Pinky & the Brain was also omitted for the same reason as it was a spin-off of Animaniacs. I desperately tried to figure out how Thundercats would fit in, but it just doesn't. It turns out that all I really wanted to do was reference "thunder, Thunder, THUNDERCATS, Hoooooooooooooo!" And I just did.

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On Anticipation

We've all experienced it. The movie that we've been seeing previews about for months. The CD of your favorite band that has that one fantastic single they've been playing on the radio. The laptop for which you've been saving your money for months. Finally, the day arrives. You rush home and rip open the package. Sometimes, it meets all of your expectations. Sometimes, you're disappointed in the final product, and the disappointment is all the more bitter because of how much emotional investment you had in the source of your disappointment. For my kids, they looked forward to Halloween while I dreaded it to a certain extent. ("Yes, they do look cute in their outfits. They're five and two. No, we don't live in the neighborhood. We're from Hawaii. Honest.") I had a bit of anticipation recently where I was looking forward to reading a comic book that I had borrowed from the library that I had heard about for a long time. It was The Long Halloween by Jeph Loeb and Tim Sale.

Don't know who Jeph Loeb or Tim Sale are? That's OK. You might be familiar with some of their work, though. Tim's artwork can be seen prominently displayed throughout the first season of the series Heroes. Every painting that Isaac did in the show was actually done by Tim Sale. Why did they use Tim's artwork? Well, one of the executive producers on Heroes was Jeph Loeb. He also was one of the writers on the series. He also worked on a couple of little series that you may be familiar with: Smallville and Lost. He also wrote both Teen Wolf movies, but we won't go in to that.

Anyway, I had heard about Batman: The Long Halloween for quite some time. It's the sequel to Frank Miller's Batman: Year One which chronicles some of the early adventures of the Dark Knight. I had gotten a large stack of graphic novels from the local library with Halloween being among them. I had determined to read it last, however, since I like to save the best for last. I had some concern that I would be let down. Would it live up to the expectations? The hype? I remember when I watched Pulp Fiction for the first time. Everyone had been talking about it for months. We listened to the soundtrack while lifting weights in school. Finally, I was able to watch the movie. I didn't like it at all. Sure, it had a couple of memorable lines, but it just wasn't a movie that I liked at all. Would Haloween be the same? No, it wouldn't.

Halloween is comics story telling at its finest. Loeb and Sale weave a dark crime noir story within Batman's Gotham City surrounding a series of murders done on holidays. They play with all of the heavy-hitters of Batman's rouges gallery - the Joker, Catwoman, Poison Ivy, Scarecrow - while we see the clues unravel and see certain characters' sanity unravel. There were several legitimate surprise twists that I didn't see coming at all. It was well worth the wait.

The thing about anticipation is that when your expectations are met instead of being shorted, it almost brings about feelings a relief instead of joy. Another one of those human nature sort of things, I guess. Maybe we just need to not allow ourselves to anticipate things so much. I'm going to start that right after I finally have enough to purchase my laptop.

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500 v. 0.3

First Section


Previous Section



Frank blushed, smiled, and shrugged sequentially. He bid farewell to Chuck, squinted at his watch and continued his sullen march down the street, this time with more focus and purpose in his step. Not only was he about to be shut down, financially speaking, by a large electronics store, but now some jerk who knew his name was going to be dropping his name at the mayor’s office.




He made a mental note to put forth more of an effort to keeping his thoughts to himself. He made a second mental note to stop talking to himself out loud. The third mental note he made had something to do with buying a loaf of bread, a gallon of milk, and a stick of butter at the convenience store on the corner. A fourth mental note was mostly unintelligible, but certainly worried Frank more than the previous three.



Frank picked up the pace of his stride, and was so lost in his thoughts that he walked right past his apartment building. He definitely wasn’t ready to be cooped up in his empty one bedroom living space after the events of this day. Fresh air was going to be the only thing that would help him sort out his thoughts right now. Well, fresh air and a cheeseburger. And a strawberry shake. And some onion rings.


He walked for two or three blocks more, and turned down an alley way. The alley was just like any alley you’d find in small-town America. One side was lined by a solid brick wall of a building whose previous owner had thought it wise or interesting to paint it some unusual shade of blue. The other side of the alley was lined by some kind of vine that had long since won its battle with a ten-foot wooden fence. A yellow and black butterfly was suddenly bobbing around Frank’s head.



The driver of a car passing by in the opposite direction failed to notice that said alley way was completely empty two seconds after Frank had turned down it, save for a small yellow and black butterfly.

Meanwhile, in a place quite some distance from Guernsey, North Dakota, a young man with pointy ears removed his goggles after the flash of light had subsided. His hair was singed, and soot covered his face.



“Well, that went well,” An older gentleman who appeared to be an instructor or mentor sarcastically commented. The marks on his sleeve identified that he was, in fact, an instructor.



“Perhaps next time, I should supply the barbecue sauce and some tongs,” the instructor continued dryly.



The young man did not reply. Perhaps he did not hear the gentleman because of the ringing in his ears. Perhaps he chose to dwell on his own perceived failure, and silently acknowledged his instructor’s tone. Whatever the case, the young man stared down at a pile of soot on the center of a solid white dais where a small flying creature had rested moments before.

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Yaaarrrrrr!

Anne and I seem to develop traditions with movies. During the run of Lord of the Rings movies, we would go to see the current one during Christmas with at least part of Anne's family. It was a lot of fun, but left us with a bit of a hollow feeling when they were all done. Then, we went and saw the second Pirates of the Carribean movie with some friends of ours. At that point, Anne was expecting Squeaker. This time around, they were expecting. If they make another one, we're going to have to flip for who's going to be expecting at that time. Vegas currently has odds saying that it'll probably be me.

Anyway, we were all a bit disappointed with the second film. It seemed to me to be a series of events put in place to be able to get from one gigantic set-piece to another. There was a lack of the solid and coherent story that made us care about any of the characters that we fell in love with in the first film. A good summation of the situation was done by the brilliant people at Ask a Ninja. Check out their review of the second film.

I'm a completist. If I have one album of a group that I really like, I try to collect them all. If I have one graphic novel of a series, I try to get them all. If I watch one movie, I try to see them all. Such was the case with The Matrix, even though I saw that the series was very quickly going downhill. To a certain extent, when you were disappointed with the second movie in a series, it helps the third movie by lowering expectations. You aren't necessarily expecting to watch a fantastic movie, so there's no let-down. This helped Pirates of the Carribean: At World's End.

All of the major characters are back: Jack Sparrow (excuse me, Captain Jack Sparrow), Elizabeth Swann, Will Turner, and their crew. Elizabeth and Will are charged with the task of retrieving Jack Sparrow from Davy Jones's locker. I was disappointed that they didn't have a Monkey's song playing when they were there, but such is life. They are opposed by Lord Bennet and Davey Jones himself, who has really let himself go since the sixties. OK, I'm done with the same name jokes.

Ultimately, I think that the best thing I can say about the third pirates movie is that it's significantly better than the second film. For one thing, the third move has an actual plot, which was a nice change of pace. It's also significantly darker than either of the first two films and has the gigantic, epic battle that's becoming standard in these sorts of movies. However, it still doesn't nearly approach the classic (yes, I said "classic") that the original film was. To a certain extent, they should have just left the first move to stand on its own without creating sequels. I think we all would have been happier for it.

Final Verdict: two-and-a-half large, floppy hats out of five.

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NBA Mock Draft

Not to be confused with our Mockery of a Mock Draft, Kamp and Gudy have decided to actually try to predict, prognosticate, foretell, or guess at the actual outcome of the upcoming NBA draft. This should be interesting, because Gudy knows very little about the NBA, and is rather annoyed by the league, and Kamp's feelings are pretty evident as well. The format will be much like our Viking's Draft Recap, except Kamp will be taking the odd numbered picks, and Gudy will be taking the even ones. Each pick will be made one at a time, with the selector explaining his pick, the other responding to that, and finally the selector responding to the response. We hope you enjoy!

1. Portland - Greg Oden, C, Ohio State University
   
• Kamp - The temptation is to say that they should select Kevin Durant based on the fact that they have LaMarcus Aldridge and Zach Randolph to play on the front line, and they could use perimeter help. However, Aldridge is young and talented enough to play the 3, and they could use a solid center to rebound and play defense, which we know Oden can do well. Any offense they get from him can be viewed as a bonus.
• Gudy - I believe that for a rebuilding team like the Blazers, the right move is to trade Randolph during this off-season or next, and to build around Oden, Roy, and Aldridge. This is pretty much a no-brainer.
  
• Kamp - I don't know why it is, but I keep forgetting about Roy on this team. He's a great player in the making. With the addition of Oden, Portland has a great young nucleus of players.
  
2. Seattle - Kevin Durant, SF, Texas
• Gudy - The temptation here is to see Portland without a swingman, and with Aldridge and Randolph already manning the paint. Seattle doesn't really have a viable big man, but I think Rashard Lewis' time is limited with Seattle, and Durant makes a nice combo with Ray Allen and has a good point guard in Luke Ridnour to get him the ball.
• Kamp - Durant actually fits in with what Seattle likes to do better than Oden. Oden would run out of gas in a big hurry in the up-and-down style that Seattle plays. The problem, of course, is that if Seattle takes Durant and keeps Lewis, who plays/guards the likes of Garnett, Duncan, and Nowitzki in the West?
  
• Gudy - That's why I think they let Lewis walk...I don't think it really fits into their philosophy to keep both of them on the same team...plus, I just read that Lewis opted out of his contract, so he is officially a free agent now.
  
3. Atlanta - Al Horford, PF, Florida
• Kamp - What we decided to do in this mock draft is to make those picks that we would make if we were the team. Horford comes from a winning program that prided itself on working together as a team. Hopefully, he can help solidify an Atlanta team that has been in disarray for years now. Mike Conley, Jr., could also be the pick here.
  
• Gudy - If Atlanta really has their eye on Conley, I'm wondering if they'd consider trading down a few spots to take him. I can see someone falling in love with Horford or the Chinese guy and putting something together to move up to this spot.
  
• Kamp - I don't usually like the idea of moving down when the player that you want is there. If you really like Conley, take him even if you think that you could get him a few picks later, because you can't be certain that he'll still be there.
  
4. Memphis - Brandon Wright, F, North Carolina
• Gudy - This is another team with a distinct PG need, although I still don't think anyone is ready to reach for Conley yet. Wright and Horford are going back-to-back in most mocks on the internet, and if Horford is gone when Memphis picks, I could see them going Wright here.
• Kamp - I don't know that Wright is a good pick for them here unless they're moving Pau, which is a real possibility. Wright is still raw, so he gives Memphis another excuse as to why they're not winning yet.
  
• Gudy - I pretty much made this pick under the assumption of a Gasol trade. Trading Gasol means that they need to land a PG, though. If Chicago is still in the running for Gasol, I could see Ben Gordon as a real possibility, although he's not really a true PG.
  
5. Boston - Yi Jianlian, FC, China
• Kamp - I have to admit that even though I'm the one making the pick, I'm not that crazy about it. It's a very high risk/high reward sort of pick which I don't normally like teams making (e.g. Ndudi Ebi). At the same time, the only centers that the Celtics have on the team right now are Olowakandi and Ratliff. Most of the other positions have established people (Jefferson, Pierce, and Szczerbiak, for instance). Again, Conley is another possibility.
• Gudy - Looking it over, my guess is that Jianlian could end up going to Memphis as well, but this pick makes sense for the Celtics. He's starting to get the same type of buzz that Andrea Bargnani had going into last years draft, and if he plays scrappy, the C's might not have to wait so long for him.
  
• Kamp - Boston has plenty of time to wait, though. They seem to be perfectly happy to make questionable move after questionable move and not have the pressure put on anyone to win games. Usually, it's exactly the opposite. It's interesting to me that we have three former Celtics players in positions of authority in the league right now (Bird, Ainge, and McHale) that seem to have managed to not learn anything from Red Aurbach during their time in Boston.
  
6. Milwaukee - Corey Brewer, SF, Florida
• Gudy - While my dreams have him sliding one more pick to the T-Wolves, Brewer is a logical pick for Milwaukee with Mo Williams and Michael Redd at the 1 & 2, and Charlie Villanueva and Andrew Bogut at 4 & 5. Brewer slides in as a defensive stopper/slasher at the 3, and really provides this team with a new dimension.
• Kamp - Fantastic pick for the Bucks. In a relatively short period of time, they've assembled a great group of young players to be a solid core for many years to come. Makes me wonder how they're going to screw it up, but I digress. Brewer strikes me as the kind of player who wants to do whatever it takes to have his team win. From defense to shooting threes and everything in between, he just wants to help the team.
  
• Gudy - Brewer brings a lot to the table. He's an amazing athlete, he's a winner, and I've heard him described as "Trenton Hassell with useful basketball skills."
  
7. Minnesota - Jeff Green, SF, Georgetown
• Kamp - There have been a lot of rumblings about the possibility of taking Conley here, but that doesn't make a whole lot of sense for a very guard heavy team like the Timberwolves unless they can move Mike James and one of McCants/Foye for some front-court help. That's not to say that I'd prefer to have Conley over Green, though. Green really makes sense for the team in need of youth in the front court to help out KG. Green is very much like Brewer in that he wants to help the team win.
• Gudy - I'm not sure I agree with this pick. If Brewer is gone, I'm probably hoping for Joakim Noah in this situation. Another one I'd personally rather have than Jeff Green would be Julian Wright. But I'm usually wrong about the NBA, so maybe this is a good pick.
  
• Kamp - The only stats in which Wright is better than Green are FG% and rebounding along with being an inch taller. I really liked what I saw from Green during the whole NCAA tourney, not just the Final Four. Green is a better scorer and passer. That's why he's the pick. Also, because I forgot about Wright, to be honest. That would have made the pick more difficult to make, but I still think that Green's the better pick for the Wolves.
  
8. Charlotte - Julian Wright, SF, Kansas
• Gudy - He seems like a good fit for Charlotte, especially since the Bobcats are in an almost identical situation with Gerald Wallace as the Sonics are in with Rashard Lewis. He's an unselfish player with exceptional passing skills for a forward, teaming him up with Raymond Felton will help this team maximize their scoring potential by finding easy points on each possession. He's not an offensive liability either, and since he's better at scoring in the post, he may also take some pressure off of Emeka Okafor and help prevent him from being the next Ben Wallace. How's that for name dropping?
• Kamp - Wright is a nice upgrade from Wallace, who had done nothing in the league until, surprise, it was his contract year. He's another guy who's following in the footsteps of Tim Thomas. Charlotte is another team that has a good young core. If only they could get Sean May to care.
  
• Gudy - May's presence was what kept me from going big with Joakim Noah. He still remains a possibility here.
  
9. Chicago - Joakim Noah, PF, Florida
• Kamp - I hate having to make this pick. I had promised myself that I wouldn't pick Noah under any circumstances. However, it makes sense at this point since the Bulls need some young size in the low post which Noah would provide. Now, I must explain. I have inexplicably been convinced that Noah will be the new millennium's version of Christian Laetner. He just strikes me that way.
  
• Gudy - Noah makes sense here, because the Bulls don't really have any players on their team already who are defensive specialists/energy guys that can't play offense. He probably would've been a better fit in Sac-town.
  
• Kamp - I'm detecting the sarcasm in your voice. The thing of it is, though, that Noah is about 20 years younger than Ben Wallace looked for a good portion of this year. He fits in better with the Bulls and their current youth movement (Hinrich, Gordon, Deng, Nocioni, Thomas). Also, I think it's a bit of an exaggeration to say that he has no offense.
  
10. Sacramento - Mike Conley, Jr., PG, The Ohio State University
• Gudy - While the Kings probably need to find someone to fill their front line out, it's too tough to pass Conley up here. You get the replacement for Bibby that they've been longing, and Bibby is a very tradeable piece that might bring the size they covet anyway.
• Kamp - If they can get any value for Bibby, then it's a great pick. Otherwise, it makes no sense since Bibby is the best player on the team that's not certifiably crazy.
  
• Gudy - They've been shopping him for two or three seasons now...if they are going to move him, they'll do it with Conley in the fold.
  
11. Atlanta - Jarvis Crittendon, G, Georgia Tech
• Kamp - If this is the way that things pan out, then Atlanta is upset that Conley just went off the board. They would have been ecstatic if he would have fallen to their second pick. As it is, they'll settle for the project that is Javaris Crittenton. He needs to improve the assist/turnover ratio a bit, but he should have fun running with the other very skinny people in Atlanta. I'm looking at you, Josh Smith.
• Gudy - This is a surprising move with Acie Law still on the board, but it actually fits with what Atlanta has done in the past...questionable moves.
  
• Kamp - And that was the decider for me. I was going back and forth between Jarvis and Acie. The thing that tipped the scales was the fact that it's Atlanta.
  
12. Philadelphia - Spencer Hawes, C, Washington
• Gudy - On a squad that is in all-out rebuilding mode, Hawes makes a lot of sense, since they already have a decent guard in Andre Iguodala. This adds another dimension to their offense.
• Kamp - At this point for Philly, they just need warm bodies that can play. The question for Hawes is can he add the strength that he'll need to play the 82 games of an NBA season? After all, he's nearly seven feet tall, but only weighs in at 250.
  
• Gudy - Plus, this would theoretically give Philly a formidable front line with Hawes and Dalembert. I say theoretically because they both might amount to nothing.
  
13. New Orleans/OKC - Al Thornton, SF, Florida St.
• Kamp - Chris Paul gets a running mate in form of a very athletic small forward. This will give David West some help in the paint as well, if Thornton can get the offensive rebounds and put-backs.
• Gudy - I think this is a fairly safe pick for New Orleans. They're probably a team that just needs to add talented players and depth.
  
• Kamp - Talent is what Thornton gives them. His pro comparison is Shawn Marion. That's a good bit of talent.
  
14. LA Clippers - Acie Law IV, PG, Texas A&M
• Gudy - Let's see...Shaun Livingston has a catastrophic injury right now...Sam Cassell is um, Sam Cassell, and he's out the door soon anyway. This pick makes sense.
• Kamp - Very good pick for the Clippers. While I wasn't that impressed with what Law did during the the tourney, he still should be able to become a good point guard for the Clippers. Hopefully, he'll only learn basketball skills from Cassell instead of how to handle the business side of things.
  
• Gudy -If I'm the Clippers, in this situation I'm keeping Law as far away from Cassell as possible...and trying to keep Cassell from even knowing that they drafted him.
  
15. Detroit - Josh McRoberts, F/C, Duke
• Kamp - McRoberts does a little bit of everything. He averaged 10 points and nearly eight rebounds for the Blue Devils last year and while I can't say that he'd be a steal here, he should be a good pick for the Pistons. However, always keep in mind that he's a Blue Devil, so he's probably overrated.
  
• Gudy - This might be a reach, but it's still a solid pick...McRoberts killed his draft stock by staying in school. Perhaps he's a little more mature and savvy, though, and should be able to help out at least a little bit. Plus I'm sure he and Rasheed Wallace will be fast friends.
  
• Kamp - Even if he did kill his draft stock by staying in school another year, he ends up in a better situation than he most likely would have last year. He's going to a team that has been to five straight conference finals and he'll be able to take minutes away from the player formally known as Chris Webber.
  
16. Washington - Jason Smith, C, Colorado St.
• Gudy - I'm not exactly sure if the Brendan Haywood/Etan Thomas catfight has been resolved yet, but the Wiz could probably do with shoring up their frontcourt.
• Kamp - Adding a legit center to the Wizards will really help this team on the rise. They have their point guard for the next decade in Arenas, a very good small forward in Butler, and a very good five in Jameson.
  
• Gudy - I don't think Jameson is necessarily a five. He probably classifies as a #4, but still, I get your point.
• Kamp - Oops.
  
17. New Jersey - Thaddeus Young, SF, Georgia Tech
• Kamp - This seems to be a banner year for small forwards in the draft. Thaddeus provides New Jersey insurance for when Vince Carter decides that he's worth a lot more money than he really is and bolts the Nets.
• Gudy - And he provides insurance for when Richard Jefferson looks at himself in the mirror wrong, and throws out his back...or whatever other freak injury awaits him.
  
• Kamp - Yeah, I hate when that happens. You hate to see players who would be really, really good if they could stay healthy. See also: Baron Davis.
  
18. Golden State - Tiago Splitter, F/C, Spain
• Gudy - Not really sure where the Warriors are going here, especially after a fantastic run in the playoffs. I took Splitter because of the unknown factor, and because I'm curious what a Tiago is, and why anyone would want to split it.
• Kamp - I think it's Portugeuse for "Chad Ford loves my upside." I'm also looking forward to when he decides he's a big enough star to go down to one name. Will he go with Tiago or Splitter?
  
• Gudy - I think you would have to go with Tiago in this situation, as you potentially could have Ike Diagu (I think he's a Warrior) and some guy named Tiago.
  
19. LA Lakers - Aaron Brooks, PG, Oregon
• Kamp - The Lakers' biggest need off the court is for someone to tell Kobe to shut up and just play basketball because he's not the GM or the coach. The Lakers' biggest need on the court is a point guard. Brooks is the best one available at this point. He's quick and not horrible on the defensive end of the court. He needs to look for his teammates a little more at the net level, though, since he only averaged a little over four assists per game.
• Gudy -I'm going to guess that anyone in California is going to be more than a little wary of drafting a guy in charge of passing named Aaron Brooks. Just a hunch. At least that's why Golden State, based very near Oakland, passed him up...
  
• Kamp - Yeah, but he's trying to make a name for himself that isn't immediately followed by "is a complete failure."
  
20. Miami - Nick Young, G/F, USC
• Gudy - This is the highest pick left on CNNsi.com's mock draft that we haven't taken yet. I don't know much about him, but he went at #11 over there. If he's still available, it seems like a logical pick for the aging Heat to just take the best player left on the board.
• Kamp - The Heat are continually digging themselves an ever-deeper hole by going for aging veterans and trading away all their youth. Of course, it's gotten them an NBA championship, so what do I know?
  
• Gudy - That's a good debate to get going...What's more valuable, one championship, or several year of enduring greatness where you may not win the championship?
  
21. Philadelphia - Rodney Stuckey, G, Eastern Washington
• Kamp - At 6'4, he's able to play both guard spots and averaged five assists in his Sophomore campaign. There's always a bit of risk in selecting smaller-school players, because you can never be too certain if they're that good of a player, or if they just excelled against inferior opponents. At the same time, let's not mince words. Philly is terrible and needs all the help it can get.
• Gudy - As we delve further into this draft, we are increasing the percentage of players I've never heard of. So, I'm just going to agree with you on this one.
  
• Kamp - As it should be, my friend. As it should be.
  
22. Charlotte - Alando Tucker, F, Wisconsin
• Gudy - I waffled on this one a bit. It was between Tucker and Afflalo, and ultimately I went with Tucker because Charlotte could really use a mature player who's ready to contribute. Tucker is certainly that. While I doubt he'll ever be a star in this league, he should at least be a useful player who can make a positive contribution to the Bobcats.
• Kamp - Didn't we just give Charlotte a small forward a few picks ago? Let me check. (scroll, scroll, scroll). Yes, we did. What they needed at this spot was the best shooting guard available. I'm disappointed by this pick. Mainly because I wanted to cause controversy.
  
• Gudy - Again, this pick was about adding talent that's ready to contribute. Julian Wright is a project. Alando Tucker is what he is.
  
23. New York - Rudy Fernandez, G, Spain
• Kamp - Disclaimer: I have never seen this guy play. However, from looking at some of his draft profiles, he strikes me as a slightly more athletic version of Allan Houston. He definitely needs to put on some muscle, weighing in at only 172 pounds, but he can shoot and get to the hoop. After all, the Knicks need scoring.
  
• Gudy - I agree. I think.
  
• Kamp - Well, that makes one of us at least.
  
24. Phoenix - Arron Afflalo, G, UCLA
• Gudy - The Suns have two first round picks, and I see them wanting to add a shooter here, and maybe a project that they can stash away in the NBDL for a little bit. Afflalo fits the profile.
• Kamp - Why waste a first-round pick on someone you want to stash in NBDL? That's what the second round is for.
  
• Gudy - Because if you believe he has first round talent, but you don't want to waste his development time sitting on the bench, you let him play regularly in the NBDL...That's why.
  
25. Utah - Marc Gasol, C Spain
• Kamp - Utah is a team that seems to keep making the right moves. They picked up Okur, who's been a great player for them. They essentially stole Boozer from under the nose of the Cavs, and he finally gave them a full season of work. Gasol gives them a huge body in the middle to take some of the punishment and rebounding duties from Boozer. If he can score as well, bonus.
• Gudy - Plus, his name is way better than his brother's, so he's got that going for him, too.
  
• Kamp - How many times do you suppose Pau has heard "Um...you forgot and 'l'"?
26. Houston - Herbert Hill, PF, Providence
• Gudy - Just what the Rockets need: A mature big man who's ready to step in right away, contribute solid minutes, protect Yao in the paint, and hit the boards. It might be a stretch taking him here, as some people have him projected in early first round, but you draft for need, and that's what I did here.
• Kamp - Yeah, drafting for need worked out so well for the Trail Blazers in '84, didn't it?
  
• Gudy - Well, the Blazers weren't drafting 26th overall, were they?
  
27. Detroit - Marcus Williams, SG, AZ
    
• Kamp - Very good mid-range game and has a three-point shot. Not the greatest on defense, but that should be hidden on Detroit pretty well. Might play some point as well.
• Gudy - If there's any team where "not the greatest on defense" can be compensated for, it's Detroit. Now, it remains to be seen how much he can contribute.
  
• Kamp - I agree with what you said, although it's obvious that Detroit isn't what it used to be on defense. I don't think LeBron would have scored 48 against the Pistons teams with Ben Wallace in the middle.
  
28. San Antonio - Ante Tomic, C, Croatia
• Gudy - Well, they have a few dudes from America, a dude from the Virgin Islands, a dude from France, a dude from Argentina...now they'll have a dude from Croatia. Seems fitting.
• Kamp - San Antonio is one of the best internationally-scouting teams in the league. Their one big misstep was Rasho, but they didn't draft him.
  
• Gudy - I think they have a few more foreigners on the roster that I didn't mention, so this is right up their alley...unless the guy stinks, that is.
  
29. Phoenix - Morris Almond, SG, Rice
• Kamp - Not the insane athlete that one would think Phoenix would normally favor, but he's a great spot-up shooter. With Nash driving to the hoop and dishing to Almond, he should have plenty of open looks from three.
• Gudy - I have read an article that the Suns could potentially be looking at Jared Jordan, a PG out of Marist here, but that might be a reach since most people see him as a "second half of the 2nd round"-type pick.
  
• Kamp - Taking a PG wouldn't' be the worst idea in the world due to Nash's age, but they have Barbosa to spell Nash if he needs it.
  
30. Philadelphia - Gabe Pruitt, SG, USC
• Gudy - Again with the NBA-ready talent theme, Pruitt is a talented college junior, and he'll be most ready to play and contribute for a mostly talentless 76ers squad.
• Kamp - They just need warm bodies, mainly. That and a new GM.
  
• Gudy - I agree.
  

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500 v 0.2

Previous section.

The man seemed to ponder these words for a moment.

"Yes, I would say it's 'double crap,'" he said with some form of East-coast accent that would distinguish him significantly in this town of mostly second- and third-generation Scandinavian immigrants.

Frank sighed heavily.

"Look, I'm sorry about the rock. I didn't mean for it to happen, honest. I'll pay for any repairs."

"Do you expect me to believe that this was all an accident, Frank?" the man replied.

"How do you know my name?"

"You haven't answered my question." This was obviously a man who was used to having people jump when he said "frog."

"Well, I do expect you to believe that it was an accident because that's exactly what it was. Now, how do..."

The other man cut him off.

"I think that we should ask the cop over there." He raised his voice to a shout. "Hey! Officer! Yeah, you. Come over here."

This, thought Frank, could be really, really embarrassing.

The officer made his way over.

"How can I help you fine gentlemen today?" he asked cheerfully.

The car owner, whom Frank had started to refer to as "jerk," didn't even let Frank start to open his mouth. "This guy just committed an act of vandalism, and I demand that he be arrested and charged accordingly."

The officer's eyebrows rose a bit. He then turned to Frank, "Hey, Frank."

"Hey, Chuck."

"What happened?"

"I kicked a rock. It bounced up and hit the tail light."

"Did you apologize?"

"Of course."

"Offer to fix it?"

"You need to ask?"

The man was staring at them incredulously. "You know what this is?" he finally said in a huff. "This is police corruption. I have a meeting with the mayor later, and I'll be sure to mention this to him officer..." (he looked at the name tag) "...Richards."

Chuck was starting to get a bit annoyed with Jerk himself. "It's your civil right to do so, sir. When you're there, would you mind asking the mayor if he could give me a ring after he sets up our tee time tonight? Save me the trouble."

Jerk's face turned a new shade of red. He stepped up nose-to-nose with Frank as he said, "I will break you." Then he turned to get in his car.

"I'm still willing to pay for the taillight," said Frank.

"Don't bother! It's a rental!" Jerk growled. He slammed his door and drove off.

Frank turned to Chuck. "I didn't know that you golfed with the mayor."

"Neither does the mayor. I just figured it would be the quickest way to remind the guy that he's not in New York or wherever he's from."

Somewhere around the fourth circle of Hell if you ask me, thought Frank.

"I see your inner-monologue is broken again."

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