Holy Crap: My First Experience with DTV

A couple of months ago, I applied for a coupon (pronounced "coo-pon") on a website. For the next few weeks, I checked the mailbox every day and told Anne that if I got the coupon, I would be immediately rushing out to make a purchase that I hoped would change our lives. I'm talking about digital television. Actually, that doesn't do it justice.

Digital Television!

There. That's better.

You may or may not know that in February of 2009, the TV stations that we're used to seeing over the air and captured on our rabbit ears will be going away and replaced by a purely digital signal. This is a good thing. Just like digital technology on our cell phones, DTV promises clear reception because it's either a one or a zero. The receiver isn't having to figure out where along the entire wavelength the signal is at a given moment, it's either a one or a zero. You either have the signal or you don't. There's no fuzziness. No ghosting image. Great right?

Well, I finally received my coupon in the mail on Saturday. I of course rushed right out to purchase the Zenith digital converter that Consumer Reports recommended. It took me a couple of days to find the time to connect it, but I finally did it. Then I turned it on.

The setup couldn't have been easier. It ran through the channels to find the signals available. The basics were all there - ABC, CBS, Fox, NBC - and there were some extras that were pleasant surprises such as a couple of weather stations and about four different kinds of PBS. OK, I could have done without the PBS stations, but whatever.

My initial reaction was "Wow!" The picture was completely amazing. I don't have a high definition TV, but the image was crystal clear. I settled in and watched a bit of Letterman and a bit of Family Guy. I was happy.

Could it last? Of course not. Suddenly, some of the stations would go black and show a happy little bouncing sign to tell me that there was "no signal." Herein lies the problem with a digital source: The fact that if you don't have a signal, you really don't have a signal. Granted, I just have rabbit ears on the top of my TV and I'm sure the consistency could be smoothed out if I got an attic antenna or something . However, it's not like I live out in the country. I live right in a reasonably sized metropolitan area. I should have very good signal consistently. Maybe this will improve as we get closer to the full switch over, but it's mildly frustrating that it's not better now.

For more information, you can go to the US Government's site dedicated to digital TV.

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Disappointment Unlimited

I love our local library. I've been able to catch up on quite a bit of comic book reading (Ultimate Spider-Man) and read some that I've always wanted to but never had the chance (Watchmen, V for Vendetta). I've also been able to watch a few shows that I wanted to see (Lost). I've also been a bit disappointed. I'm a really big believer in being truthful in advertising. If you say that your product does something, or is something, I would greatly prefer that your product does or is that thing. That's why I was mildly frustrated with the people who produced the show that I borrowed from the library: Justice League Unlimited.

I've always been more of a Marvel guy than a D.C. guy. I'm sure that it's partially because the first comic that I started buying on a regular basis was the Amazing Spider-Man. From there, I went on to the the Incredible Hulk, the Uncanny X-Men, and Wolverine, among others. It's only been in more recent years that I've started getting more of an appreciation for the "Distinguished Competition." Mainly in the form of liking to read Batman, but also reading some of the Superman, Flash, Green Lantern, and Justice League stories. When I saw a disk that was labeled "Justice League Unlimited, Season 1," I was excited to see the Justice League crew in cartoon form and able to see it from the beginning. Boy was I wrong.

The animation was in a style that we've come to expect from the WB/D.C. studios that started with the animated series for Batman. The voice work was top-notch. We had Kevin and Jason from the Wonder Years. We had Nathan Fillion, Adam Baldwin, and Gina Torres from Firefly. The characters were many and diverse. We had the heavy-hitters (Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman, Green Lantern), the mystic (Dr. Fate, Zatana) and the lesser-known (Hawk, Dove) characters. The stories were interesting and mostly self-contained, but with an over-arching story that carried with it clues to where the show was heading. Unfortunately, that also included some information (or lack thereof) about from where the show had come.

You see, this wasn't what I would call a "pure" season one of the show. It had continuity that it had carried over from a previous show. There was some whole thing with Hawkgirl so that she was hanging out in some pocket dimension with Dr. Fate along with the fact that there seemed to be some unrequited love thing between her and Green Lantern. To top it all off, one of my favorite characters in the D.C. universe, the Flash, who is one of the major, flag-ship characters of the entire comics line along with being a founding member of the Justice League (Well, really, it was his predecessor, Barry Allen, who was one of the founding members, at least in the comics, but that's not important right now. Well, to you it's not important; to me it's a detail that they missed. Where was I? Oh, yeah: the Flash) doesn't even make a single appearance in the series besides the opening credits until the seventh episode of the series. How does this make sense?

So, to sum it all up: If you're looking for the Flash, expect to be disappointed until mid-way through the first season, and please don't mind the fact that they said it's a first season, but really it's not, and they don't completely explain the stuff that they figure you should already know because, after all, you watched the previous series that wasn't actually named Justice League Unlimited, right? I mean, why would you be watching this series if you didn't watch the first one? It's not like they said that this was the first season of a brand new series, right? Oh wait! They did. (Deep breath.)

My name is Jeff Kamp, and I approve this rant.

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List Dominated Society: Cartoon Theme Songs

Continuing with a theme from an earlier post, today we are going to explore what should be another controversial topic: Cartoon Theme Songs. The one caveat is that these cartoons are all pre-2000. I haven't had much time for cartoons since, much to my dismay.

I don't think that there's a person I know who has watched as much cartoons as I have. This is both a boast and a lament. It's also the product of two different things: (A) I've watched and incredibly ridiculous amount of television in my 27 years on Planet Earth, and (2) I don't know that many people. With these in mind, here are what I deem to be the best cartoon theme songs of my youth. Feel free to disagree...just know that you're wrong if you do. :o)

7. Captain Planet: This is both a dark horse candidate and the exception to the rule. While most theme songs are played during the opening credits, you have to wait to the ending credits to hear this remarkable song that starts off, "Captain Planet, he's our hero, gonna take pollution down to zero." Excellent stuff.

6. Smurfs: Best use of La's...ever. The link is to the actual theme song. Make sure you take the time to watch the opening show sequence, which is the top related video.

5. Duck Tales: "Life is like a hurricane, here..in..duck..berg.." Come on, you're already singing along, aren't you?

4. Gummi Bears: I love this song. Seriously. It's just happy.

3. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Besides being a kickin' tune, it provides you with some solid background information on the main characters. We learn that Leonardo leads, Donatello does machines, Raphael is cool but rude, and Michaelangelo is a party dude. Good to know.

2. Animaniacs: This might be the funniest cartoon ever, after Wile E. Coyote & Roadrunner of course, and I still know all the lyrics to the opening theme.

2. The Simpsons: The Simpsons perfected the random ending theme & variations to their theme song, and this link is quite possibly the best of the intros.

1. Ren & Stimpy: The top two themes on this list don't have words, and sadly the top theme doesn't even have a link. I was unable to find an adequate video or sound clip to link to, but this song is totally awesome. If you don't know it, just trust me.

Honorable Mention: Tale Spin and DarkWing Duck were not included, as they were spin-offs of Duck Tales and I was trying to get a good variety of shows represented here. It's just not fair if the same people are over-populating a meaningless list like this. Pinky & the Brain was also omitted for the same reason as it was a spin-off of Animaniacs. I desperately tried to figure out how Thundercats would fit in, but it just doesn't. It turns out that all I really wanted to do was reference "thunder, Thunder, THUNDERCATS, Hoooooooooooooo!" And I just did.

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Spoiler Alert

My wife and I have quite a few similarities, especially in our background. We're both the middle child of a three child family, and were raised in very small churches in which our families comprised the majority of the youth group. We both have horrible sweet teeth. An actual exchange from this weekend went as follows:

Anne - I think I might make bars.
Me - I just printed out Cold Stone coupons.
Anne - OK, I'll make the bars tomorrow.
Me - Sounds like a plan.

However, there are some very strong differences that we've had to work through in our marriage. She grew up in a large city while I was living on a farm in the middle of nowhere. She's incredibly cute with very questionable taste in the opposite gender. I'm the polar opposite of that assessment. One of the differences that I was reminded of recently was in how we consume our media.

I'm very particular about allowing the storyline to come to me and be unveiled as the creators intended as part of their overall story. To me, the journey is the important bit, but for Anne the destination is what's most important. She'll frequently skip to the last chapter of a book just to see how it ends. Otherwise, she won't be able to sleep very good that night. I avoid even opening my book to the wrong page for fear that I'll catch something that I'm not supposed to know just yet. I want to experience it as I go along.

This difference was very evident last night as we finished the first part of season two of Battlestar Galactica. This series of disks ends in a huge cliffhanger that leaves the viewer wanting more. Very smart of the creators except when they are dealing with people like Anne. She can't stand not knowing. She was mad at the creators for leaving it hanging where it was. She was mad at the library for not having the second half of season two on DVD yet. She was mad at me for getting her to watch another show in which she becomes emotionally invested but can't immediately see the story line reach its conclusion. I slept with one eye open that night. After a few minutes of watching her fume over not being able to peak at the next part of the story, I pointed her to Wikipedia and the fact that they have spoilers/plot synopses for every episode of Battlestar. As she was reading through the next two-part episode, I would hear gasps and utterances of "Oh, my goodness" that means she had come on one of the juicier bits of the plot. She then turned to me and said, "I can't tell you any of this, can I?". To which I responded with a smile on my face, "Nope." You see, not only does not knowing drive her mildly insane, but also the fact that she can't discuss what she just read with me causes her internal conflict. Thankfully, she understands that I want to experience it first-hand as opposed to reading someone's description on a website of what happens. I want the story to unfold before me. The fact that she respects my stance in this just shows how much she appreciates me for the similarities and differences in our personalities. The fact that I asked around at work until I found someone with the next set of disks proves that I'm not a complete moron.

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Animosity TV

I've become fairly convinced over the last few years that my television hates me. I haven't figured out how it came to this point or, for that matter, why, but I'm pretty sure that it does. Now, I realize that you would say that it's an inanimate object and supposedly incapable of love, hate or many of the more complex feelings (like a football fan's feelings for an inconsistent quarterback), but people said the same thing about the Cylons and look at where things are for the humans now.

I often have good intentions of getting to bed at a decent hour. Honestly, I do. Whenever I mention my intention of getting to bed early, Anne usually laughs at me. Our history says that when one of us states that we're going to go to bed early, we usually end up getting to bed substantially later than normal. My biggest problem is when Anne goes to bed before I do. It's not that I'm a completely irresponsible person, but I have trouble at times hitting the power button on the television and just going to bed. Normally, one would say that the tendency is not the fault of the appliance, but rather the fault of the person in control of the appliance. However, this gets to the crux of my issue. I would have a much easier time shutting off the television if the TV wouldn't be displaying such excellent programming at insane hours of the night. I could be tired from a long week at work and be watching bit of TV before heading to bed, but right as I'm just about ready to turn off the TV, an add will come up and say "Coming up next: Jerry, Elaine, George and Kramer in Seinfeld." Well, I have to stay up for that, don't I?

Of course, while watching Seinfeld, they show what's going to be on after this half-hour. Wouldn't you know that Scrubs is going to be on. I really enjoy Scrubs. I love the pacing of the episodes where it's one beat right after another. They don't wait for the crowd to laugh or to revel in how clever they are that they figured how to make fun of a person's name by making it in to something dirty. They just keep on moving and wanting to get the next joke. I appreciate a show that doesn't hold anything back but keeps entertaining their viewers. Another good example of this is...well, there really isn't another good example of this that comes to mind. Maybe that's why I appreciate Scrubs so much.

After Scrubs is over, I make the mistake of doing a quick tour around the dial. Keep in mind that we don't have cable television. After I graduated from college, in order to save money Anne gave me the choice of getting cable television or high-speed internet. It wasn't even a hesitation. I have DSL and I have a fat pipe. I'm fairly certain that wasn't intended to be a penis reference. During my final perusal of the different channels' offerings, I cross several infomercials (current favorite: "Poop your way to better health."), and then I happen on an episode of Star Trek. It was the original series of Star Trek, which is my second favorite after The Next Generation. However, I've seen most of the episodes and the majority of those multiple times. I can turn off an episode of Star Trek whenever I want. Hey, wait. They're talking about a derelict space craft. (It couldn't be, could it?) It's one from the 1990's. (No. Well, maybe.) "Spock, Bones, and you, the late 20th century historian that no one's ever heard of but is mildly attractive, come with me. We're going to beam over." (I think it might be.) Hey, look, there's a very young Ricardo Montalban. (It is!) That's right, it's the Kahn episode. I hadn't seen this episode in forever and it's the precursor to possibly my favorite Trek movie in Star Trek 2: The Wrath of Kahn. Let me just say, for the record, that in the '60's, Ricardo was stacked. Seriously, dude was huge in this episode. I had to watch.

So, that's how I found myself finally turning off the television in the wee hours and dragging my sorry tuchus up to bed. I knew that I'd be paying for it in the morning and that I'd have to explain to Anne why I was so tired. It's just easier to say that the TV hates me than I'm unable to shut off the TV when I need to.

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